So, before I ramble off on the soliloquy for the night, I thought I'd give an update on my life. I'm here. Sitting in a chair. Typing at my computer. Alright, now that you're thoroughly enthralled with every minute detail of my life, I can go onto the 'big' stuff.
Upon receiving that oh-so-coveted piece of paper called a college diploma, I have been happily living at home and working for a nearby bank. That much most of you already know. I was planning on attending Graduate School this Fall in the warm and sunny state of California, but unfortunately (or more fortunately) God had something better in mind. So, no scholarships came through and I was left wondering what was next. Well the 'next' appears to be taking a graduate course online this Fall (Human Growth and Development), continue to work, and then go back to Graduate school for the Spring semester. Lancaster Bible College is the preferred school of choice in which I will begin my pursuit of another highly coveted piece of paper. But I don't plan on graduating with my MA from LBC, because even though I love the school, they do not have the masters degree I would like. So I'll take the courses I earn from there and then transfer them on out to another MA program of my choice. Why even go there in the first place you might ask? Good question. As an undergraduate of LBC they offer each and every one of their traditional four-year graduates a free graduate course. I'm hoping to take advantage of that free course and then tack on another to make me a full-time student while there. Save some money and earn some credits. A win-win!
Now, onto the 'meat' of this post. You know what? I'm tired. Sick and tired! Tired of doing things on my own and for myself. I'm weary of trying and hitting the proverbial brick wall. Torn between what I want and when I want it and what and when I believe God wants for me. Riddled with bullet holes from my own stupidity and mistakes. The joy of mistakes is supposed to be what you learn from them, right? The conclusion I've come to is, I can't do it on my own. I have to have God do it for me.
While typing this, I'm reminded of the parallel thought presented in C.S. Lewis' book "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" (coming out in theaters by the way on December 10th yay!). Eustace is turned into a dragon and he can't change himself back. He's bound and can't survive on his own. His friends have brought him, as a boy, to an island and then he becomes a dragon, and they can't take him as he is along with them. So he finds himself faced with a dilemma. How can he change himself back? The answer for him is not found in "how" or "what" he can do for himself, but in WHO. Aslan (or in my case Jesus Christ) is the only one who could change Eustace back into a boy. Back to the present world and to how this applies to my own life, back to where Jesus is the only one who can change me. I'm not talking about my own decisions or pledges in areas where I want to change. And I'm not talking about surface change where I've made a choice, stuck with it for a little while, and then reverted back to my old ways of doing things. I'm talking about change from the INSIDE OUT!!! Change that runs so deep into areas you thought were engraved in stone and you didn't think anything would ever budge. Well that can happen, but it's only through Jesus Christ. I've reached a point, in one area of my life, where I've 'given up' trying to change and I'm letting my Master do His work in my life. Because I can't do it on my own, and I'm sick of trying!
I know God has my best interests at heart and I (choose) not to doubt that for a minute! There really is something to the phrase, 'letting go and letting God'. Because sometimes, that's really what it takes. But it's not 'letting go' to then grip it with my pinky finger and keep holding on. It's choosing to forsake something I know to be a God given privilege. Yet by choosing to 'let God' I'm choosing to let it GO COMPLETELY! I'm not holding onto it at all because I can't. In my own desires and in my own weakness I'll mess up the good God has in mind for me. Is there anything you're holding onto in your life that you know you should let go of? A tough question, but one that each one of us should answer. And keep answering. That's why my muscle just doesn't cut it. God has to do it for me and I know He will!
Blessings,
Ronsard
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Does IT Matter?
The title really does matter. In some of my earlier posts I've simply slapped some words in the title line and forged ahead. Well, I'm going to try and not do that as much from now on. Of course there will be the occasional post where that is the case, but not this one. I relish asking questions because it makes me think and examine thoughts or issues that perhaps I haven't faced before. And as one who is along for the journey on this blog, I'm afraid you might have to exercise some brain power as well.
I know sometimes I can become weary of questions, but asking those sentences with the little squiggly thing at the end enables me to learn, and I don't want to ever stop learning. So the question I pose to myself (and you as my reader) is this, "How do you know you are making a difference in the lives of others"? Perhaps an additional question in the natural progression of thought would be, "Why do I care what difference I'm making in the lives of others"?
I viewed a film recently which poignantly illustrated this thought. Whether we realize it or not, and I would challenge each one of us (myself included) we do make a difference in the lives of others. Whether that difference is for the better or worse, well I leave that up to you to ponder. I know I want to make a difference in the lives' of the people I interact with and I want that influence to be a positive one. Yet how can I know for sure that I'm not wasting my time? Well in a way, I'll never know. I guess the only real way that question can be answered is if somebody thanks me for making a difference in their lives. I find it a bit amusing because this influence we exert over others is also illustrated in a well known Christmas film. Remember George Bailey? Yeah, mhm, I'm talking about "It's A Wonderful Life".
Though definitely not wishing what George wished for, it is thought provoking to consider what life would be like for others if I didn't exist. Now as he found out, life would be radically different for all those he knew and loved (and doubtless they were extremely glad he had been borne, which the movie demonstrates when he comes to his senses). I'm not suicidal nor suggest or encourage any such notions, but I found the thought that I impact others, to be a very challenging one to consider, which was heightened by the wonderment of what life would be like if I didn't exist. My words and even more my actions, which speak louder than words, demonstrate the impact I can have on those around me. How am I demonstrating love to those around me? What more can I do to be a positive role model to those following in my footsteps?
In the arena of sports I've been very aware of the impact I have on the younger generation back when I started playing Varsity Basketball for Conval High. Why is that? I came to that realization because of the impact those guys had on me. I grew up watching the CV Cougars Basketball team and I idolized it's players. My family will regale you with who was my favorite player if you're ever interested to know. So when I stepped on that court I knew all the kids in the stands would be looking up to me. There was a weight of responsibility that I hadn't realized existed. I must admit, I was scared by that realization, but that didn't make me any less determined to carry myself with as much professionalism and good sportsmanship, as I knew how.
I'm additionally aware of that responsibility every time I stepped on the court/field of a collegiate athletic event. But even though it is a great responsibility the privilege of being an athlete makes it all worth it.
Athletics however, are only a small arena where I can impact peoples' lives. I hope every area of my life has a positive impact on others (that's what I'm striving for). After all, what I say or do really DOES matter.
I know sometimes I can become weary of questions, but asking those sentences with the little squiggly thing at the end enables me to learn, and I don't want to ever stop learning. So the question I pose to myself (and you as my reader) is this, "How do you know you are making a difference in the lives of others"? Perhaps an additional question in the natural progression of thought would be, "Why do I care what difference I'm making in the lives of others"?
I viewed a film recently which poignantly illustrated this thought. Whether we realize it or not, and I would challenge each one of us (myself included) we do make a difference in the lives of others. Whether that difference is for the better or worse, well I leave that up to you to ponder. I know I want to make a difference in the lives' of the people I interact with and I want that influence to be a positive one. Yet how can I know for sure that I'm not wasting my time? Well in a way, I'll never know. I guess the only real way that question can be answered is if somebody thanks me for making a difference in their lives. I find it a bit amusing because this influence we exert over others is also illustrated in a well known Christmas film. Remember George Bailey? Yeah, mhm, I'm talking about "It's A Wonderful Life".
Though definitely not wishing what George wished for, it is thought provoking to consider what life would be like for others if I didn't exist. Now as he found out, life would be radically different for all those he knew and loved (and doubtless they were extremely glad he had been borne, which the movie demonstrates when he comes to his senses). I'm not suicidal nor suggest or encourage any such notions, but I found the thought that I impact others, to be a very challenging one to consider, which was heightened by the wonderment of what life would be like if I didn't exist. My words and even more my actions, which speak louder than words, demonstrate the impact I can have on those around me. How am I demonstrating love to those around me? What more can I do to be a positive role model to those following in my footsteps?
In the arena of sports I've been very aware of the impact I have on the younger generation back when I started playing Varsity Basketball for Conval High. Why is that? I came to that realization because of the impact those guys had on me. I grew up watching the CV Cougars Basketball team and I idolized it's players. My family will regale you with who was my favorite player if you're ever interested to know. So when I stepped on that court I knew all the kids in the stands would be looking up to me. There was a weight of responsibility that I hadn't realized existed. I must admit, I was scared by that realization, but that didn't make me any less determined to carry myself with as much professionalism and good sportsmanship, as I knew how.
I'm additionally aware of that responsibility every time I stepped on the court/field of a collegiate athletic event. But even though it is a great responsibility the privilege of being an athlete makes it all worth it.
Athletics however, are only a small arena where I can impact peoples' lives. I hope every area of my life has a positive impact on others (that's what I'm striving for). After all, what I say or do really DOES matter.
When Life Makes Cent$
I suppose some sort of exclamation along the lines of, "Yikes! I haven't posted on here in over a month!!!" wouldn't quite make up for the fact that I haven't?? But I suppose I'll try and remedy that. Who knows, you might even read two or three posts in a row! I mean I have been storing up for a while. (chuckle) I actually thought of things I wanted to post about at work in the last month or so, but that didn't exactly turn into action.
Since my last post I've experienced something new. What, may you ask? You may. But I'll string this out for a few characters more. There! I think I've just about reached my max of suspense (at least what you'll be able to reasonably handle without throttling me). I was asked to preach. Yes, you heard it correctly. You know, that thing where you get up in front of other people and speak for God...? Yeah, that thing. Thankfully I was given a couple months warning, so I was able to really pray and mull over what God wanted me to speak about. I decided that it would only make sense to intertwine what God has been teaching me in everyday life into an applicable presentation that would be of mutual benefit. At least that is what I hoped.
Honestly, my life has taken so many twists and turns this summer and it seems like all I can really do is hang onto God's hand for dear life because I can't see where He's leading (but then again I don't have to know, all I have to do is follow). I feel like the dust has settled a little bit, even since I spoke for church, but I've been able to learn some pretty invaluable lessons along the way. Okay, okay. I'll stop 'salting the oats'. For those who were there, they already know where this post is going. But then again I might add some different twists here than I did in person. The sermon was built around a question. I wanted to come up with a different way of illustrating something each one of us experiences. The question is this, "What do you do when life doesn't make sense"? Because mine sure hasn't made sense.
So honestly, what do you do? Think about it for a second. I came to realize that generally my first reaction was what I really did, and my second reaction was what I wanted my reaction to be. For example, I FREAK!!!! Oh, wait, no. I don't do that. I pray and suffer in silence. Alright, so that 'suffer in silence' bit is a little bit of an exaggeration, but I thought I'd add it for effect. But then again shouldn't my first reaction be to pray and NOT freak?! Because where I run to or what I choose to trust in when life isn't going as I wanted it to reflects on where my trust truly is. The passage I spoke from was James 5:7-11. Blessed are those who endure. Did you get that?! BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ENDURE!
So even though my natural reaction(s) when life doesn't make sense are to complain, panic, and bolt, are those really the best I can do? Is that the best God has in mind for me? The emphatic answer to that is, NO! Because as the end of verse eleven says, God is compassionate and merciful. He knows what's going on. Instead my reaction(s) should be to pray, trust, and wait. I realize this is one of those things that are 'easier said than done'. But that doesn't negate from its veracity! The good God has in mind for me (and He really does have my/our best good at heart) is not always what I think would be good for myself. I can't look to God and say, "I know what's good for me, now give it to me"! It just doesn't work that way. In fact I'm glad it didn't, because I wouldn't know what is really good for me.
Therefore, life only really makes cent$ when I'm trusting in God and choosing to let Him show me the way. So what if that means I don't know where or what my future holds. He does, and that's all that really matters. I want to make sure I don't have the attitude of barging ahead with my own plans and then deciding, "Oh Lord, would you please bless me on my adventure." Instead I need to be asking, "Lord would you please lead me where You want me to be" and then move when He directs. Can you see the difference in the attitudes portrayed? One is all on my own and the other is dependent on God. So that's what this is all about. Life really only makes cent$ when God is in control and I'm choosing to follow Him day by day.
P.S. That is not to say that one/me should not have plans/hopes/dreams. Because I certainly do. But I need to hold the plans very lightly as I'm seeking to follow God wherever He leads. I think God directs a moving ship, but He needs to have full access to the rudder. Savvy?
Since my last post I've experienced something new. What, may you ask? You may. But I'll string this out for a few characters more. There! I think I've just about reached my max of suspense (at least what you'll be able to reasonably handle without throttling me). I was asked to preach. Yes, you heard it correctly. You know, that thing where you get up in front of other people and speak for God...? Yeah, that thing. Thankfully I was given a couple months warning, so I was able to really pray and mull over what God wanted me to speak about. I decided that it would only make sense to intertwine what God has been teaching me in everyday life into an applicable presentation that would be of mutual benefit. At least that is what I hoped.
Honestly, my life has taken so many twists and turns this summer and it seems like all I can really do is hang onto God's hand for dear life because I can't see where He's leading (but then again I don't have to know, all I have to do is follow). I feel like the dust has settled a little bit, even since I spoke for church, but I've been able to learn some pretty invaluable lessons along the way. Okay, okay. I'll stop 'salting the oats'. For those who were there, they already know where this post is going. But then again I might add some different twists here than I did in person. The sermon was built around a question. I wanted to come up with a different way of illustrating something each one of us experiences. The question is this, "What do you do when life doesn't make sense"? Because mine sure hasn't made sense.
So honestly, what do you do? Think about it for a second. I came to realize that generally my first reaction was what I really did, and my second reaction was what I wanted my reaction to be. For example, I FREAK!!!! Oh, wait, no. I don't do that. I pray and suffer in silence. Alright, so that 'suffer in silence' bit is a little bit of an exaggeration, but I thought I'd add it for effect. But then again shouldn't my first reaction be to pray and NOT freak?! Because where I run to or what I choose to trust in when life isn't going as I wanted it to reflects on where my trust truly is. The passage I spoke from was James 5:7-11. Blessed are those who endure. Did you get that?! BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ENDURE!
So even though my natural reaction(s) when life doesn't make sense are to complain, panic, and bolt, are those really the best I can do? Is that the best God has in mind for me? The emphatic answer to that is, NO! Because as the end of verse eleven says, God is compassionate and merciful. He knows what's going on. Instead my reaction(s) should be to pray, trust, and wait. I realize this is one of those things that are 'easier said than done'. But that doesn't negate from its veracity! The good God has in mind for me (and He really does have my/our best good at heart) is not always what I think would be good for myself. I can't look to God and say, "I know what's good for me, now give it to me"! It just doesn't work that way. In fact I'm glad it didn't, because I wouldn't know what is really good for me.
Therefore, life only really makes cent$ when I'm trusting in God and choosing to let Him show me the way. So what if that means I don't know where or what my future holds. He does, and that's all that really matters. I want to make sure I don't have the attitude of barging ahead with my own plans and then deciding, "Oh Lord, would you please bless me on my adventure." Instead I need to be asking, "Lord would you please lead me where You want me to be" and then move when He directs. Can you see the difference in the attitudes portrayed? One is all on my own and the other is dependent on God. So that's what this is all about. Life really only makes cent$ when God is in control and I'm choosing to follow Him day by day.
P.S. That is not to say that one/me should not have plans/hopes/dreams. Because I certainly do. But I need to hold the plans very lightly as I'm seeking to follow God wherever He leads. I think God directs a moving ship, but He needs to have full access to the rudder. Savvy?
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