Muscle Doesn't Cut it...

So, before I ramble off on the soliloquy for the night, I thought I'd give an update on my life. I'm here. Sitting in a chair. Typing at my computer. Alright, now that you're thoroughly enthralled with every minute detail of my life, I can go onto the 'big' stuff.

Upon receiving that oh-so-coveted piece of paper called a college diploma, I have been happily living at home and working for a nearby bank. That much most of you already know. I was planning on attending Graduate School this Fall in the warm and sunny state of California, but unfortunately (or more fortunately) God had something better in mind. So, no scholarships came through and I was left wondering what was next. Well the 'next' appears to be taking a graduate course online this Fall (Human Growth and Development), continue to work, and then go back to Graduate school for the Spring semester. Lancaster Bible College is the preferred school of choice in which I will begin my pursuit of another highly coveted piece of paper. But I don't plan on graduating with my MA from LBC, because even though I love the school, they do not have the masters degree I would like. So I'll take the courses I earn from there and then transfer them on out to another MA program of my choice. Why even go there in the first place you might ask? Good question. As an undergraduate of LBC they offer each and every one of their traditional four-year graduates a free graduate course. I'm hoping to take advantage of that free course and then tack on another to make me a full-time student while there. Save some money and earn some credits. A win-win!

Now, onto the 'meat' of this post. You know what? I'm tired. Sick and tired! Tired of doing things on my own and for myself. I'm weary of trying and hitting the proverbial brick wall. Torn between what I want and when I want it and what and when I believe God wants for me. Riddled with bullet holes from my own stupidity and mistakes. The joy of mistakes is supposed to be what you learn from them, right? The conclusion I've come to is, I can't do it on my own. I have to have God do it for me.

While typing this, I'm reminded of the parallel thought presented in C.S. Lewis' book "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" (coming out in theaters by the way on December 10th yay!). Eustace is turned into a dragon and he can't change himself back. He's bound and can't survive on his own. His friends have brought him, as a boy, to an island and then he becomes a dragon, and they can't take him as he is along with them. So he finds himself faced with a dilemma. How can he change himself back? The answer for him is not found in "how" or "what" he can do for himself, but in WHO. Aslan (or in my case Jesus Christ) is the only one who could change Eustace back into a boy. Back to the present world and to how this applies to my own life, back to where Jesus is the only one who can change me. I'm not talking about my own decisions or pledges in areas where I want to change. And I'm not talking about surface change where I've made a choice, stuck with it for a little while, and then reverted back to my old ways of doing things. I'm talking about change from the INSIDE OUT!!! Change that runs so deep into areas you thought were engraved in stone and you didn't think anything would ever budge. Well that can happen, but it's only through Jesus Christ. I've reached a point, in one area of my life, where I've 'given up' trying to change and I'm letting my Master do His work in my life. Because I can't do it on my own, and I'm sick of trying!

I know God has my best interests at heart and I (choose) not to doubt that for a minute! There really is something to the phrase, 'letting go and letting God'. Because sometimes, that's really what it takes. But it's not 'letting go' to then grip it with my pinky finger and keep holding on. It's choosing to forsake something I know to be a God given privilege. Yet by choosing to 'let God' I'm choosing to let it GO COMPLETELY! I'm not holding onto it at all because I can't. In my own desires and in my own weakness I'll mess up the good God has in mind for me. Is there anything you're holding onto in your life that you know you should let go of? A tough question, but one that each one of us should answer. And keep answering. That's why my muscle just doesn't cut it. God has to do it for me and I know He will!

Blessings,
Ronsard