Quality TV

I wonder what would come to your mind if I were to ask you to describe Hollywood's progression of the caricature of men on the comedy and sitcom screen over the last thirty years (providing you watch this TV genre). The images and caricatures that come to mind for me range from Homer Simpson, to the Big Bang Theory, and finally to Family Guy. I realize the examples which came to mind are not a very large sample and there may be other shows that come to your mind beyond the ones that came to mine. There may be some positive character qualities portrayed in the male characters from the above named shows but, for the most part, these shows cast a negative light on being a guy. It seems as if dads and men have become the humor punching bag for what ails families. If we do see positive characterizations of men it seems they are being set up for failure which then causes us to wonder when they're going to fall. If watching the above named shows was my only example of what it was to be a guy I'm sure I'd laugh at the humor poked at us, but deep down I'd be ashamed of being a guy. Is this then to say there isn't any truth in the messages conveyed about guys from these and other shows like them? No, but that is a topic for another time.

Enter in the show Blue Bloods still running on CBS in it's sixth season (five seasons available on Amazon Prime). Although Blue Bloods is not a comedy or sitcom, I've been refreshed by the positive portrayals of men. I found myself over and over marveling that Hollywood would produce such a show because it is so opposite to it's past offerings (granted in a different genre). This is not to say Blue Bloods is a perfect show because it isn't (language, alcoholic consumption, violent crime scenes, some immorality, and social justice offerings). 

The show is built around four generations of the Reagan family living and operating in New York City in different facets of the police and justice system in Manhattan. Grandpa is a widower and former police commissioner (referred to as Pop). Frank, himself a widower, is Pop's only son and the current NYPD police commissioner after spending decades himself on the job as an officer and detective. His oldest son Danny is an Iraq veteran, police detective in the NYPD, and husband to Linda. Linda is a nurse and she and Danny are parents to Jack and Shawn who are in grade-school. Frank's second child is Erin who is a divorced-single mom who works as an Assistant District Attorney in Manhattan by day and is a frazzled mother to teenager Nikki by night. Third in line is Jamie who is a beat-officer working his way up the ranks.   

  

The interplay of family dynamics mixed with the jobs of each character is what brings the show to life, and why I'd recommend it as a refreshing display of both genuine and flawed characters. Family, led by strong, positive, balanced male leadership in Pop and Frank is what allows this family to operate with smooth efficiency. They're not perfect but I believe the bedrock of each family should be the father. Their Catholic faith lends a strong moral fiber to their decisions and family cohesion (every episode has at least one family dinner scene in it). Their ethics are strong even if it means making tough decisions which negatively impact friends or colleagues. Yet they are expressive, independent, opinionated and volatile (Irish heritage).  

The men are not perfect, and neither is the show, but its a wonderful break from the father/dad/guy bashing of other shows. Watching this show I find myself uplifted and given a positive example of what it means to be a husband and father. Thank you Hollywood for finally producing a show which positively portrays men!

#hollywood #tv #family

I Am Loved

I recently had the privilege of speaking at a conference in NH to an audience of roughly fifty people. As I was preparing to speak I had multiple themes, ideas, and questions running through my mind. "What would be most relevant? What has God been teaching me recently that I could share about? What does the Holy Spirit want me to share on?" were some of those questions. I was struck by the notion of tying whatever I spoke on back to a concept or idea from my work as a counselor. Huh, now there's a new thought which opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for topics.

My answer came in the form of the new sermon series begun recently at Lancaster Alliance Church in Lancaster, PA. We are studying the book of Ephesians and how Ephesians addresses the concept of identity. Eureka! The more I thought about it the more I could see the concept of identity woven into the very fiber of my own personal wrestling, the wrestling of the clients I work with, and I daresay each reader wrestles with this or has wrestled with it at some point in their lives. It's part of the human condition to wonder, "Who am I? Does God really care? How do I find the strength to endure this pain or suffering?"

Before I delve too deeply into the richness of this topic, let me set a bit of context. First off, I'm not sure what comes to mind when you think of counseling but I've got to tell you, there are no couches in my office. So if your concept of counseling/therapy is coming into my office lying back and telling me all your problems you've got what I do all wrong. Second, if I've been properly trained and am practicing as I've been trained, I'm supposed to be like Jesus. In that, if you were to ask me a question, like Jesus, I'm not going to answer you directly but instead will most likely respond with another question. Now, depending on the client and where we are in the relationship, I might answer a direct question (seeing as I haven't quite attained the lofty standard of being entirely like Jesus quite yet). Finally, to most counselors my sample size is still fairly small. The observations I'm offering are from almost four-hundred hours of client contact (groups, individual sessions, and intakes). Still, to me that seems like a lot of hours of work in the trenches. Back to identity...

Each client is different and arrives at this concept via different routes, but so far I can say with confidence that every client faces questions like these during our work together. If I were to ask you the question on a spiritual level, "Who are you?" I'm betting a majority of church-people will give a rote response such as, "I'm a child of God" or "I'm a son/daughter of God." The reality is you're speaking truth but in actuality I think sometimes this phrase has become "churchified" where we have no idea what that really means, yet we say it and think that's all we have to say on the subject. The reality is, there is so much more to that truth!

 I see my work as a unique opportunity to help create space for the Holy Spirit to enter in and help reveal Truth, and I love helping clients connect with the life and freedom which Jesus' death and resurrection has already bought and paid for for them. After all, He is the only One who can facilitate lasting change. As such, and where we headed next in my talk, what does God have to say about identity in His Word? The Bible is full of lessons and principles on identity but I chose to hone in on one specific passage found in Ephesians 2:4-5 which says:

"But God, being miserly in mercy because of the great hatred with which he hated us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us suffer together with Christ--by performance you have been saved..."

Wait a minute! What did you just say?!! That's not what my version of Ephesians says! You're absolutely right. But more often than naught, sometimes we live out of the false version above. Where we believe performance will save us. Or God is just waiting to drop the hammer on us.

Here is what the actual passage says:

"But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved..." (Eph. 2:4-5 ESV)

So what is the passage really saying? What does it mean? Simple and yet profound truth: You are loved. Period. Even when you were so messed up God still loved you. No. Matter. What. The personalized message of this passage is, I am loved.

Some of you may say, "Clyde, I've heard this before. I know what you're saying is true but for some reason I either can't remember or can't fully connect with the truth of this reality." To which I'd say, "You're not alone." There are lies we each have been told. Lies we've wrapped our identity around and have built sand castles with. Lies such as, "You're worth is dependent on your performance" or "No one will really love you if they know who you really are" or "I have to be perfect."  I daresay for some reading this you've thought of other lies you've built your life around. Lies you've come to recognize and some you're still believing.

The Holy Spirit is knocking on the doors of those lies and is saying, "Let me in, I love you just the way you are. You've been believing a lie. It's not true."

Jesus talks about the truth setting us free. The simple, profound, unexplainable mystery is that we are loved. Not for anything we do but for who we are in Christ. I am loved. You are loved. This truth doesn't then mean we should be content with stopping there. Instead, as we live from a place where we can believe we're truly loved we can move mountains. Think for a moment what your life would be like if you didn't live in fear of ________ (people, risk, God; fill in the blank)? Our identity begins with the truth that we are loved. When we meditate on, live out of, and breathe this Truth anything is possible.

So here's my personal challenge to you. 3x over the next seven days I want you to tell yourself "I am loved." It's not mysticism when it's truth. Maybe it's during an incredibly stressful time. Maybe it's when life is going great! Maybe you tell yourself this truth somewhere in the middle. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes in how you view whatever you're facing. Remember, I am loved.

Why I Write

Phew! It's been a while since I've tickled the keys of my keyboard to compose a post. A lot of life has happened since May. Some of which I may share and some of which I won't. I return to writing with a new perspective on the content I have to offer. I find myself consistently asking myself the question, "Why am I generating any type of content?" My updated answer is childishly simple really, but it's been percolating internally for a while now, "Because it's something I like, enjoy, or feel is important."

This is in contrast to previous posts and writings. Sometimes consciously and sometimes not, I'd try to create content in an effort to garner a response. In other words, I was letting the audience dictate what I would or wouldn't say rather than thinking and creating content for myself. No, the intent is not to veer off into pure narcissism (there's already enough of that in this world). Rather, my goal is to think for myself and talk about things I personally find appealing, interesting, or evoke a response in me. If you happen to agree and would like to join the conversation you certainly may.

On occasion, I'll be talking to God and you get to listen in. Or I might rant against some recent tragedy or social issue. I might even share spiritual insights or lessons God has been teaching me recently. Consider yourself lucky to be along for the ride (or not, but you're the one who's chosen to take the time to read these words anyway).

To this end, you'll see a different shift and flavor in the posts. Don't worry. Some of the posts I've published already still do qualify as coming from me, but my expectation for interaction is lessened. We'll see where this new season of writing goes and now you know why I write.

Expectation Cup

"Of course marriage is hard. For heaven's sake, bring together a man and a woman--two creatures who think, act, and feel so differently you would think they'd come from separate solar systems--and ask them to get along for the rest of their lives under the same roof. That is like taking Cinderella and Huck Finn, tossing them in a submarine, and closing the hatch. What did you think would happen?" (Love & War, p. 14)

Marriage is much harder than I thought. Don't get me wrong. I love being married and am learning to be grateful every day for the wonderful creature God has blessed me with. At the same time, I had no idea what the words "I will" actually meant. In some ways, I can identify more with Cinderella from the quote above. I wanted everything to be perfect and had high ideals for what marriage would look like. Needless to say, I've been in for some readjustments in my plan. A significant area where God has been working is in the area of expectations.

Heading into marriage I knew I had expectations. Like a wise fellow, I knew these expectations needed to be discussed with Jane and we needed to sift for "deal-breakers" among our expectations. To name a few, these expectation categories consisted of finances, children, vocation, household roles, education (and beyond). Discussing expectations is a healthy way to prepare for marriage, but here's a bit of advice I wish I'd been told before I'd gotten married, and one which I've been learning since getting married; you'll continue to discover expectations you never knew you had after you get married. In fact, you'll never discover or be able to talk about all of the expectations you both have before you get married. It is also very important to intentionally discuss and address the expectations you discover after you get married, and where necessary, let them go.

As you might have guessed, this post is about an expectation I discovered I had after getting married and subsequently am in the process of letting go. It crept up stealthily on our marriage and began to suck the life right out of it. With chagrin I admit I thought Jane was the one who would fill me. Fill me with affirmation, love, satisfaction, joy, hope and anything I'd need. All I needed to do was bring my empty expectation cup to her and she'd meet the need. The issue being I'm insatiable and there is no way she can ever slake the need or thrive under that time of pressure! In fact, no one can.

I didn't even realize what I was doing. Oh, I knew I was always seeking something of her, but I didn't know why or exactly how detrimental it was to keep asking her to fill up my empty, broken, leaking cup. While reading Love & War again for a recent class, a proverbial 2x4 smacked me in the head!

"What we are saying is simply this: You have to have some place you can turn. For comfort. For understanding. For the healing of your brokenness. For love. To offer life, you must have life. And you can only get this from God."  (Love & War, p. 69).

I began to realize I was asking of Jane what she was never designed to give, and I was never supposed to ask. No matter how hard she tried or how much she strained she was never going to satisfy the need. But Jesus can. He is waiting to meet the need if I but ask. I love how accurately John & Stasi put it when they said, "The greatest gift you can give your spouse is to develop a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ." (L & W, p. 69). Jesus is the ultimate source of Life and He will never run dry. No matter how many times I come to Him and no matter how deeply I need to be filled. What He offers will satisfy the slake and quench the insatiable longing for more.  

I can't tell you how grateful I am to let go of the false expectation I had that Jane could meet the need. If I'm honest, this is a process and I'm sure there will be times when I'll be tempted to ask her what I shouldn't. If that happens again may I be reminded to take my expectation cup to Jesus rather than to Jane. May we each be reminded to continue nurturing our relationship with Jesus because He is the source of life.

#marriage #marriagetip #communication #Eldredge #faith #expectations #love #conflictresolution

Safe-Marriage

"Every time we choose to love, we take a step closer to God; it is like he is right there. Every time we choose something else, we take a step away. I want God, so I choose love." (Love & War by John and Stasi Eldredge p. 207).

No one said marriage would be easy. On the other hand, no one said marriage would be this discouragingly hard either. Somehow the movies, books, and fads of society never quite accurately portrayed the realities of marriage. No one ever told me how effectively marriage would bring me face-to-face with my own sin and selfishness. Or if they did I somehow missed it.

I'm not even sure where I got this from, but somehow I brought into my marriage the belief that "happiness and equilibrium was what marriage was all about." As such, conflict, feeling hurt, and speaking up was seen as destructive, and should be avoided at all costs! So I'd sequester my emotions believing conflict, or anything that rocked-the-boat was unhealthy. Expressing emotion inevitably would lead towards conflict, because no one would actually like me as I really am, and I'd expect Jane to do the same (train-wreck waiting to happen). Like I said, I don't know where it came from but back in February through the work of the Spirit and my gracious wife, this false realization was unearthed in our marriage and God has been chipping away at it. Perhaps this is when God starts chipping away at this false belief in your marriage too.

I get it. Conflict is not a popular topic in or out of marriage. Conflict is still not my favorite topic either, but at least it now serves a point in my marriage. Each difficult conversation provides me with an opportunity to risk and take a step closer to God or choose self-preservation and ultimately take a step away from him. I believe marriage is meant to draw me closer to God and to greater reflect His glory in my life to others. I'm far from perfect and I'll still have my share of times where I lean towards self-preservation over risk. However when I choose to adopt the attitude of a "conflict-free zone" I need to recognize the possibility that I'm missing something greater God has in store for me. Maybe this situation is part of the sanctification process and by saying no to the risk of conflict, I'm saying no to God? I run the risk of setting myself up as God when I make the choice to "marriage-safe" it in my relationship with my spouse. We all do.

 Firearms can be risky tools. Each firearm is equipped with a safety to prevent the firearm from discharging when it shouldn't. Marriages are also equipped with a "safety" which is, when we choose to avoid uncomfortable or tough subjects in our marriages. Living with the safety "on" in marriage however, may not always be healthy. In our marriages we're each offered the choice of living with our safeties on or our safeties off. With the safety "off" in my marriage God has been doing some deep work in my heart. For example, God has been helping me to better understand the value of and how to express healthy emotion in marriage. If I was living with the safety "on" I would have missed this lesson. I shudder to imagine going back to a place where "marriage-safe" is the norm, but if I'm not careful that attitude can easily creep back in. It's a daily choice to love Jane, not because she's difficult to love, but because of my own interest in self-preservation. Ultimately I want God, which is why I'll continue to choose to love and live with my marriage safety "off."

I can't help but wonder how marriages would look differently if others realized they're living with the marriage "safety" on? How would your marriage change for the better if the safety was turned "off" every now and again?

#marriage #marriagebuilding #conflict #hope #love #risk  

Zeigarnik Your Marriage

Technically the term zeigarnik is not a verb, but for the purposes of this post it is, and it very well should be. As some know, misusing, butchering, or coining words is one of my specialties. Hang with me on this new usage.

I first stumbled upon this word while reading a textbook by Dr. John Gottman for the Marriage Counseling graduate course I was enrolled in, and I was enthralled by what I learned about it's origin, and the current biblical application I'll make for it up-to-date as it relates to marriage. The "Zeigarnik Effect" was noted in 1922 by a psychologist name Bluma Zeigarnik in Vienna, Austria. She observed waiters who took orders for large groups of customers and then once their order was completed, the waiters promptly forgot the customer's order. The conclusion was made that the act of completing the order shifted the memory into a different part of the brain, whereas those orders which were incomplete, remained in short-term memory longer (if you're interested in reading more about the Zeigarnik effect click either here or here here).

 According to Gottman,in his book What Makes Love Last:

"We have better recall for events that we have not completed than for those we have...We are almost twice as likely to recall 'unfinished issues' compared with those we have processed or in some manner put to rest. Between lovers, arguments that end with confessions, amends, and deeper understanding of one another tend to be soon forgotten, although their legacy is a stronger, more enduring relationship. But when a sliding door moment leads to a regrettable incident that goes unaddressed, thanks to the Zeigarnik effect, the hurt remains accessible in our active memory, available to be rehashed again and again" (p. 34-35).

Reading about the Zeigarnik effect triggered my biblical worldview and I experienced an "Aha!" moment. I enjoy noting where scripture and psychology seamlessly blend together. My mind immediately went to Ephesians 4:26 (though I didn't remember the reference, only the verse) which says, "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil" (ESV). The resolution of conflicts is crucial to the overall health of a marriage, which I believe this is what this verse speaks to. Otherwise, as the Zeigarnik effect shows us, we will continue to replay and sift the argument we had with our spouse, which will neither benefit ourselves or our spouse (this could be extended out to other relationships as well). But if we come to a point of resolution and forgiveness we are able to let go and our brain "reshuffles" the memory and it is much harder to recall.

I can attest to the veracity of this truth in my own marriage. If given enough time I can recall arguments or issues I've had with my wife, but I have to retrieve them from long-term memory which is more difficult and takes longer. But if there are any active hurts, conflict or arguments they come instantly to mind! If there are any active conflicts or issues within your own marriage I daresay reading this post has most likely brought them back to the forefront of your mind. Why not take the issues that came to mind and begin to "Zeigarnik" your marriage? I'll stress the "process" nature of this principle because as we seek to implement this principle into our marriages there will be pain and we will get hurt. But I think the benefits significantly outweigh the costs, not to mention the scriptural exhortation we're given in Ephesians to practice this principle.

I'd love to hear how it went, both the good and the bad, because there will be both. Please feel free to email with questions or other thoughts as I'm also on this journey with you.

#communication, #conflictresolution, #Ephesians, #marriage, #marriagetip, #scripture

An Antidote to Fear

Hi Friends,

I’d like to give you the take-away from this post right up front. Ready? Fear steals memory but memory steals fear. Let me say that again, fear steals memory but memory steals fear.  So if you don’t remember anything else from this email remember, fear steals memory but memory steals fear.

                

For those still with me, let’s begin to unpack this a bit further. I daresay the subject of fear will never make the New York Times best-selling topic list. In fact, it’s a subject that can be just as uncomfortable and disconcerting for me as it is for you, but it’s a subject we each can identify with. Was there something that came to mind when I first mentioned the topic of fear? If not, look no further than world events, the threat of cancer, the state of the economy, or some other personal event(s). I think you get the point. As Christians, how should we approach fear? What does the Bible have to say about the subject of fear? Are there any stories of men and women in the Bible whose fear stole their memory? How did they respond?  

                

To answer that last question, let’s consider the story of Abram from Genesis 12. I’d recommend reading the whole chapter but the verse I’d like to key in on is verses two and three which says,

“And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed” (Genesis 12:3 ESV).

Pause! Let’s consider for a moment what just happened. The God of the Universe spoke to Abram and made an incredible promise to him! I’m pretty sure Abram knew exactly who God was and that this was a big deal. I mean, this wasn’t any Joe Shmoe walking up to Abram and saying this blessing, no it was Almighty God!

This realization is cemented even further when we skip down to verse seven and Abram’s response which was, “so he built there an altar to the LORD, who had appeared to him” (Genesis 12:7 ESV). This was quite literally a “mountain top” experience for Abram and he didn’t want to forget such a significant event, so he built an altar to commemorate the occasion. My equivalent modern day practice would be to write in a journal when I feel like God has given me something special that I want to remember, lest I forget. I’ll bet we all do things to help us remember God’s faithfulness.

                

So what happens next? Skip ahead to verse eleven which says, “When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to Sarai his wife, ‘I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance, and when the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me, but they will let you live. Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake’” (Genesis 12:11-13 ESV).

What just happened?!  Only shortly before God made a special promise to Abram. But when push came to shove and Abram was faced with the prospect of conflict, fear stole Abram’s memory. Abram panicked and forgot God’s promise and the faithfulness the promise represented.

I love how God doesn’t leave Abram hanging, even though fear stole his memory. He demonstrated his mercy to Abram in this narrative by sparing his life. In that era, if you lied to a Pharaoh, you weren’t known to have a long life-span. Yet, God wasn’t done teaching Abram.

Fast forward to Genesis 15:1 which says, “After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: ‘Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great’ (Genesis 15:1 ESV).  

Wow! Even though fear stole Abram’s memory of God’s promise, God was still faithful to Abram and he hadn’t forgotten him. God was willing to meet Abram exactly where he was and speak into both his internal and external fears (which He does with us, too).

                

I think each one of us could put ourselves in the place of Abram during this narrative and the same could just as easily have been said of us. I know when a fearful thought strikes my first inclination is not to remember God’s faithfulness. Yet this is one of the most powerful antidotes to fear: meditating on God’s faithfulness.

I can’t help but wonder how our lives would be different if fear didn’t steal our memory? I daresay we’d live with a greater measure of freedom, peace, and hope as we remembered and meditated on the faithfulness of God. You see, this is how memory steals fear.  When we remember just how much God loves us and how incredibly faithful He’s been to us, then the teeth are taken out of the fear. It holds no power. Storing memories of the faithfulness of God really does make a difference.

I wish I had a jar where I could store more and more memories of the faithfulness of God. The Bible is also full of promises which we can turn to when we need to be reminded of God’s faithfulness. The Sabbath would be a great time to sit down and make a list of how God has been faithful to you. The day itself is a reminder of his faithfulness and how much He values ceasing from daily rigors.

However you choose to spend the day, may you be blessed and encouraged by the truth that memory steals fear. My hope and prayer for each one of you is that you can put this idea into practice, and thus experience powerful life-change and freedom!
#nofear #faith #god #love 

Eternal Creativity

Currently, I'm mesmerized by the concept of creativity. So much so, that this post and the last both have the word in their title. The fact remains, creativity is bursting around us! Sunrise anybody? How about that sunset? Fall foliage, people? People? The creativity is endless and I'm soaking it all in.

Naturally, one must have the ability to notice creativity erstwhile you may pass it along without nary a glance. I know I've been guilty of this crime many times. I get so busy or am so intent on rushing from one location to the next that I forget to notice a dew-laden spiders' web or the gentle brush of the wind on my cheek. I realize there are seasons in life but sometimes we wear the rut of that "season" too deep. Sometimes we realize what we are doing and sometimes we don't. May you wake up!

The reason I am so acutely aware of the creativity around me is due to the fact that I know the One who crafted creativity. If I couldn't see the intricacy of His imprint all around me, then I wouldn't experience the hope and purpose I share with all of you through my camera or blog. I've recently come to understand just how fantastic a platform social media is for sharing creativity in the world, and to the world! I love capturing, crafting, and then publicizing an image which speaks volumes towards the creativity of God, and the reminder to me of just how awesome it is to capture that creativity as his vice-regent here on earth. My hope is that you are encouraged, challenged, and perhaps even piqued to go yourself and seek out the creativity of God around you.

 But I'm not doing this for me. I'm not doing this to glorify myself. No, I want you to catch a glimpse, touch, and experience the creativity of God for yourself! The eternal creativity of God is what it's all about. Now go, see it for yourself, and then come back and tell me what you saw.

What inspires you?

#thepeoplescreatives #peoplescreatives #socality #eternity #god #love #liveauthentic #faith #hope

Instagram Creativity

Hi Friends,

My recent trip to England has left a profound impact on me. So much so that, I've intentionally not done a whole lot with Facebook recently. I still may post things to FB which may leave the impression that I'm on there, but I rarely log-in (so how is it that this post shows up on fb? Another site which automatically publishes my posts to the platforms you select it to). In the words of Westley, "Please understand that I hold you in the highest respect." I'm not intentionally ignoring anybody on Facebook, but I really haven't felt the need to spend much time on there. So if you think I've missed something important, please feel free to email, text, skype, or even comment on this post (I haven't given up on technology).

A pleasant benefit from the trip across the pond has been a new-found discovery of my own sense of creativity. I don't really think of myself as "creative" or "artsy" but overseas I felt as if God did some deep work in me, part of which was to either spark or re-awaken the creative. I now enjoy drawing. Alright, so technically one probably would only categorize my "drawings" as doodles but I must say that those doodles have evoked a sense of pride in my own creation. I've also taken up the camera again. No, it's not quite a sword, but it can get as heavy as a sword sometimes.

Another outworking from the creative is a new sense of wonder and beauty as seen through the photographs of those on the Instagram community. I never realized just how much of a community exists on this platform. One of my recent "community" discoveries has been that of Socality. The name is an acronym which stands for "Social Community All About Eternity." I love seeing, interacting with, and even posting my own contributions to this forum because it is with a purpose and intentionality. We are all about seeking and bringing glory to God! Seeing others' work has lit a fire in me to create and show-case my creativity. I've really enjoyed crafting meaningful captions to the pictures I post to Instagram (check them out here). You may have seen some of them as I'll occasionally post them to Facebook as well (hint: I predominantly post them to IG now with occasional postings to Facebook). If you're interested in following along, my handle is @Ronsard28.

I'm looking forward to the continuing process of creating beautiful content and I'm excited to share it with y'all. I'd love to hear from you, so if this idea of creativity has struck a cord in you then please share!

#socality #instagram #thepeoplescreative #peoplescreative

The Prayer of Jabez Debunked

Google's search engine, when using the phrase "the prayer of Jabez" returns 289,000 results in a brief .42 seconds. A lot has been discussed, debated, and argued over this small prayer from 1 Chronicles 10:4. No doubt some also question the credibility of the concept surrounding the book entitled by the same name written by Bruce Wilkinson. When reading the prayer from my own personal scripture reading recently I came across an insight worthy of debunking the use of the prayer.

"He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, 'Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!' And God granted him his request." 1 Chronicles 10:4 (NLT)

Most of the interest in the prayer stems from the concept of Jabez asking God to bless and expand his territory. At that point in history land was seen as a crucial identifier of a males' value to his family and society. Similarly this concept has been extrapolated out to mean the expansion of one's spiritual borders, physical borders, or even increased opportunities for ministry or financial prosperity. What I find most troubling though, is the connotation that one can treat God like a vending machine. If you put in a quarter, then out will pop the same amount of candy every time. There are principles God operates by but in the words of C.S. Lewis, "He's not a tame lion" and I daresay he is not prone to predictability in how He answers our prayers.

The insight I stumbled upon is built around the phrase "keep me from all trouble and pain" (some versions use the term "evil"). When I think back on prayers in my own life I can identify with the sentiment, so I can't blame Jabez for verbalizing his desire. Then again, I'm not sure Jabez knew what he was actually asking for. It sounds a lot like, "I don't want to experience anything which is difficult, painful, or which may be detrimental to me or my family." In other words, I don't want to experience suffering of any kind.

Suffering is not one of those subjects one takes lightly. It weighs heavily on both those going through it and for those who are helping the sufferers bear their pain (Galatians 6:2). I think of the Parker family during this difficult time and my role as one seeking to help bear their burdens from a distance through prayer. My heart breaks as I can only imagine the pain of what they are experiencing.

Turning back to what Jabez was really asking, in the midst of suffering is when Christians experience the palpable sweetness of the presence of Jesus in a way which cannot be compared to anything else. There is something about someone who is in the midst of suffering that acts as a magnet on God (something I can't explain, but I know we have all felt). As Psalm 34 reminds us:

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psa. 34:18 (NIV)  

I think back to the death of my friend and mentor Andrew Murray and remember it as a time of suffering. Suffering not only for me, but also to see his family grieve. Nevertheless, in the midst of the suffering, Jesus was there! I can't even explain the comfort and peace God gave as a result of that difficult experience. Suffering may not be a pleasant experience but it is one that brings us closer to God, and God closer to us.

So think again the next time you're tempted to pray the Prayer of Jabez. Would you really like to ask God to remove all suffering and difficult things from your life? As you look back at the times of suffering in your own life, consider the lessons you've been taught and the way God has still been at work. You need not pray for suffering because it will find you (fact). You needn't pray the Prayer of Jabez because through suffering you are brought closer to God.

#Jabez #suffering #prayer #BruceWilkinson #prayerofJabez

Marriage Tip #1

I'm so grateful to be married. I can't get over how blessed I am to walk through life with my best friend. Life is definitely better with the right someone (sidenote: if the right person hasn't come into your life yet, hang in there, and you can still benefit from reading further. I've been where you are, had lots of talks with God, and know what you're going through. I just wanted to say I'm not trying to be insensitive to your situation). With that being said, marriage is not easy. The "honey-moon" feel has long since worn off and there are days where it takes work, plain and simple. All the married couples reading this are nodding their heads in agreement, I guarantee it. If not, you've not been married very long and you'll get to the point where you'll agree with me eventually.

You'll hear it said that the most important component in a good marriage is communication. "Time out! Shouldn't God be the most important component of any marriage?!" I'm assuming we have already established God as the most integral part of any marriage. Similarly to how the Bible is consistently the New York Times bestselling book coming in at #1. Every. Single. Time. Because of that consistent fact, they've stopped reporting the Bible as the number one bestseller because it is a given. Back on track now: I don't know who said it, but they're right, you know, about the whole communication thing! The tricky part comes in when what you think you're saying isn't what your spouse is hearing (can I get an amen?). No matter how clearly you articulate your side of the argument your spouse still just doesn't seem to get it. If you're like me you may even begin to get wise to this fact ahead of time and try saying it a couple of different ways, just in case the first way didn't carry your point home. Still, sometimes even that tactic doesn't work. So now what? We're both frustrated, convinced we're right, and are hitting our communication glass-ceiling.

Then in comes the art of analogy! Using analogies to communicate was a strategy my wife and I recently discovered which really helped us through a communication tangle. We're still new to using it so I can't guarantee it will work every time or if it will work for every couple. Still, give it a try sometime, or tuck it into your marriage tips 'toolbag' for use at a later time.

 I found it extremely helpful right up front to ask who was who in the analogy so it could be unpacked with greater clarity. At first I was pretty skeptical using an analogy would be of much benefit. After identifying who my character was in the analogy, I was able to communicate deeper feelings and messages using the character from the analogy that resonated with both my spouse, and me. Think something along the lines of, "Oh yeah, that is what I meant to say, but I didn't even realize that is what I meant until now." Second, the analogy helps to create a shield around both parties. You know which character in the analogy is you, but because it's an analogy and therefore not real, you have enough separation to see yourself and the situation in an objective light. You can talk about the character in the analogy as if you're talking about a third-party which can be very enlightening for both parties. Finally, I would suggest bringing closure to using the analogy to communicate with your spouse by identifying yourself using "I" statements to connect with the analogy. In this way you're making a personal identification which has previously been unspoken, but using "I" statements to bring closure helps both parties to identify and take ownership of what is their responsibility.

As I said earlier, we're still new at using this type of communication with each other, but I'm looking forward to using it in the future to help open deeper opportunities to communicate with my spouse. Both to hear and to be heard. What are tips or suggestions you've found that have worked well for you and your spouse when it comes to improving your communication? Please join in!

Rained Blessings

Whoever said blog posts need to be long and tedious? I must admit this belief has played a large role in why I have not been more active in writing recently. "I don't have anything 'worth' sharing" or "writing can be so tedious and hardly anybody even reads my offerings anyway" have also been factors. The truth is, I have no idea who reads the content I publish, but I'm inclined to think more than I think. My motivation for writing should not be geared only towards those who read my content, but it does make a difference. If you're willing, would you please like the post, or comment within the blog when you see this published? Thanks for considering this request. Anyway, on to today's scenario.

My family has found ourselves gifted with a number of material blessings recently. It's almost comical when I stop to think about it. First, we were given a matching set of bar-stools. Not just any bar-stools mind you, but ones which perfectly match our kitchen and living room decor right down to the wood-grain. Second, a freezer was dropped into our laps (ouch!). Nothing mammoth mind you, but one which perfectly will meet our needs and fits very nicely in our basement. Third, we found ourselves the proud owners of a 1996 Honda Odyssey mini-van complete with stow-and-go back seats, power windows and locks, and a well-functioning air-conditioner. Did I mention this was a gift and we didn't pay a dime for the car initially? Fourth, and finally a new (to us) dining room set with four matching chairs with two-collapsible leaves. So now we are able to much more comfortably entertain friends and don't need to feel squished with food and four at the table. Phew! I'm floundering in blessings.

As I was toodling along on my way to work this past Tuesday, and reflecting on the above list of material-blessings I must admit my mind was not in a spiritual place. I was approaching the list from a carnal and materialistic mindset, although grateful for the items, when I was struck with a startling reality that shook me to the core! Almost all of those blessings which had been given to us were items my wife and I had prayed about over the last year or so!!! *blink* In fact, we were still praying for a couple of the items on the list. I was humbled by the significance of God's provision (and am so very grateful for others' generosity). It was a neat reminder to me of how I may forget about the things I've asked God for, but He doesn't forget, and he'll bring them along at the right time.

Now it's your turn to reflect. Take a few moments to think about the things you've been praying for and if and when God answered those prayers; you just might be surprised at what you discover.

Accessibility to Relationship(s)

Happy Sabbath Dear Friends,

                This past Sunday at Harvest View Chapel we examined Galatians 6:2 which says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” As we continued to unpack this verse we see there are two roles implied: the role of the “giver” and the role of the “receiver.” Paul, the author of Galatians, in his exhortation to the “giver” does not tell them how exactly they are to go about bearing the burdens of others, he just tells them it needs to be done. Similarly, Paul does not lay out a list of ways the “receiver” should let the “giver” help them bear their burdens, but the admonition is implied.

                In studying this passage, I was struck by the simple yet complex ways of giving and receiving help with our burdens. I believe at the top of the list of practical ways we can “bear one another’s burdens” both as the “giver” and the “receiver” is an intentional commitment to being accessible. I know, right?! Easy. Not as easy as you might think.

                I learned to love the Sabbath while growing up because of the picture of accessibility created by my family. Friday nights were a highlight for me because of the sweet fellowship, quality time, and adventures which were in store for my siblings and me. Welcoming the Sabbath with prayer, sweet singing, and an intentional attitude of gratefulness for God’s blessings were only the start! From there we might play games, hear a book read to us, learn something new from Daddy, or spend hours in discussions about a myriad of topics. Not only were my siblings accessible, but my parents were also there in tangible ways which has set the framework for our relationships today. I know my family is accessible because of the time spent with them and if I have a burden I know they will help bear it with fervor and unction.

I share this example of accessibility from my own life as an illustration the power of accessibility can have when our burdens increase. We each know of the burdens we are carrying. I daresay this email has conjured up a few in your own mind, and although my intent is not to weigh you down, perhaps this Sabbath is an opportunity to make yourself accessible as the “receiver” to those “givers” you know are waiting to readily help lighten your load. If we string this example out even further, what would you say your accessibility level is when it comes to your relationship with God? Perhaps this Sabbath is the perfect opportunity to reconnect and break down any walls you’ve let begin to develop; God is waiting on the other side. I know it’s one thing to talk about accessibility and another to show it. So, if you find yourself struggling to find someone who is willing to help bear your burdens, please reach out to me.

May you enjoy this Sabbath with full accessibility to the Throne of Grace and to others around you.  Make good use of the time.

In His Love,

Clyde  

I Will Follow

If you have been hiding under a rock for the last ten years then permit me to briefly catch you up to speed on how fast our world is communicating. Back in 2004 if one wanted to speak with another human being then one might pick up an ancient and trustworthy device called the telephone and give someone a call. In current day 2014 however, if one would like to talk with someone else then you most likely will text, Facebook. tweet, Skype, or perhaps even Instagram the person you would like to get in contact with (oh and you might call them as well if you really want to hear their voice). It is fascinating the leaps and bounds technology has permitted us to experience when closing the gap in communication. I'm not down on technology. In fact, I love gadgets and electronics. It appears the more technology and social media we have access to, the less and less we actually talk to one another, and the quality of our relationships seems to go down. Anyway, that can be another topic for another post.

Within Twitter and Instagram in particular, one has an account where you generate content (pictures or witty thoughts) for other users to interact with. If the content you are creating is of enough value to other users then those users can "follow" you so whenever you post something it will show up in their home feed for them to enjoy. Currently on Twitter I have 239 followers, on Instagram 112, and on this blog there are 5 followers that I am aware of. The effort it takes to click the "follow" button is minimal but the effort it takes to consistently monitor and keep up with others on social media can take a lot more effort.Consider now your relationship with Jesus Christ. In a similar sense it doesn't take much effort on our part to "click the follow button" to follow Jesus, but living our lives in a manner in which it is evident to others that we are following Jesus does take a lot more effort. If I were to string this out even further, then the effort it takes to interact with the content Jesus has already given us is probably the hardest. Content such as, "Love your enemies, and pray for those who despitefully use you." Um, WHAT?! That is content I really am not comfortable with so I think I'll check out. Or another example would be, "Go ahead, step outside of the boat and keep your eyes on me" (paraphrase). Personally staying inside the boat is much more comfortable, but thanks all the same. But if I never get out of the boat, what does that say about my faith?

Since the last time I posted an opportunity to "step outside of the boat and follow" Jesus has presented itself. It's radical enough to include leaving my family and traveling to another country (the UK for those who were wondering). I really don't know where this opportunity will lead but I'm confident this is Jesus telling me to get out of the boat. It's like that in our walk with Him. Jesus doesn't usually tell us what will happen when we get out of the boat, which is usually what paralyzes most, me included, from doing just that. But what if I sink? What if I can't make it to Jesus? Would God let me down? These and other questions hold us back from getting out of the boat. Then again I shouldn't have to have all the answers in order to follow Jesus anyway. If I can only follow when I know where Jesus is going, then I daresay I'm not really following; I'm trying to lead, and my faith doesn't work like that. 

In using this example from my own life I'm not trying to glorify myself. Rather my intent is to illustrate the effort it takes to follow Jesus, even if it means discomfort and uncertainty. Leaving my family behind is hard, paying for this trip is difficult, but if it means I'm following Jesus, then my simple heart response is whatever it takes, I will follow. In what ways are you choosing to follow Jesus?

  

Pause!

I find the following verse to be very applicable in my current life. I've been meditating yet again on this verse recently. This time I've been focusing on the ways in which I can "know" God is God. I think the verse also provides some insight. We can see he is God in the nations and in the earth. I take the "earth" to be synonymous with creation. What are some other ways you can know Him as God? Enjoy this post from the archives!

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psa. 46:10 (ESV)

'Be still and know that I am God', simple right? Uh, no! But the dishes...but the laundry...but my friends...but my cell phone...but facebook...but, but, but. Why? Why should I be still again?

I went for a walk today and found myself meditating on this verse. What happens when we are still? Well, nothing actually, and that's the point. At least in my own life I came to realize I need to be still simply because THEN God becomes real. It's almost as if He is up there waiting for me to finally realize all my crazed attempts to accomplish this or get that done are nothing. BUT when I stop/pause/halt/cease/desist/screech!!! God is like, 'Aaaah, now I can work. Now Ronsard can hear me."

You wanna know why I think God wants us to be still in order to realize why He is God? It's because in the bustle of life we take that mantle of 'god-like authority' and strut our stuff in the midst of the noise of this world. We think we can get by just fine without God and His help. And the sad reality of humanity remains that as time moves along we forget that we aren't really god. Yet, it is only when we are still that we realize we aren't god and never can be! Only then are we able to truly drown out the noise and cares that we carry every second of our lives. Though, when are eyes are on Jesus, we lose sight of all besides. THAT'S why God the Father wants us to be still. He's waiting and God is veeeeerrrryyy patient.

Counselors Are Humans Too

Working on my M.A. in Marriage & Family Counseling has been very rewarding. While in the field I learn lessons a textbook can never fully teach. One of the most beneficial lessons so far is blatantly obvious, yet somehow I and others miss it; counselors are humans too.

In counseling circles one of the most heinous counseling infractions within a session occurs when what is called "counter-transference" occurs. This means the client says something which triggers some pain from the counselors own life-experience, and is thus brought to the forefront of the counselors memory. At this juncture the counselor either has the choice to recognize the trigger and identify the feelings and experiences connected with this reaction and keep it to themselves, or they choose not to process their reaction internally and instead respond to the client out of their reaction. Ethically counselors do everything they possibly can to minimize counter-transference, yet sometimes it still takes place. Counselors are humans too.

No where in any of the textbooks I've read in my courses does the book say anything like "It's okay to make mistakes when in session with your clients." Nothing even along the lines of, "You're going to make mistakes while in session with your clients. The key is will you recognize the mistake" was ever mentioned. Instead every facet of the literature is geared towards thinking professionally, ethically, biblically, morally, and just about every other -ly possible out there. There is nothing wrong with thinking ethically and beyond, and in fact should be consistently on our radar when working with clients. In fact, we should go above and beyond for the client. This serves as both a protection for them and for us. With all that being said, I'm learning that even with the purest and noblest intentions at heart, counter-transference more than likely may still take place. They may say something which stabs you in the gut or takes you completely off-guard. What do you do then? A crucial component for growth is if you are able to recognize when things your clients say trigger you. If a client consistently says things which set you up for counter-transference, and you're not able to control your reactions, then a referral is a must!

Recognizing when counter-transference worthy triggers come along serves as a way of helping the counselor continue to grow personally and professionally. If you experience counter-transference as a counselor this does not mean you are a failure in your profession. Counter-transference should not be encouraged yet healthy expectations within the classroom setting must also be communicated. If not, other counselors-in-training can fall prey to the belief they will be perfect when working with their clients and the fall into reality may be all the more painful. After all, counselors are not robots and we are human too. 

What do you see are some other ways of assessing growth for the counselor?

Authority As Protection

Authority. The word conjures up a myriad of images in my mind some of which are positive and some of which are not. If I'm honest with myself, I've never really relished having someone over me in authority, until now. 

If you thought home-life was stressful and busy then you've never been introduced to the corporate world. I myself am still relatively new to this arena and it certainly takes some getting used to. In my specific situation, I learned the hard way that authority can work against me before I learned how it can work for me. Instead of seeing those in authority as my advocates I saw them as people who were trying to hold me back or lord their power over me. This in reality was more my own perception than anything they ever intended. Sometimes you may come across situations where those in authority do lord it over their underlings, but gratefully, this was not my situation. Through this tough process I learned the valuable lesson that authority acts as a protection for me. My boss wants me to succeed because he benefits and I benefit when I succeed so there was no hidden agenda to keep me down. With that being said I would also say a good boss is secure enough to empower the employee to act with latitude within the parameters under their authority. If not, things can come to a standstill where productivity is concerned.

 The corporate world has revolutionized my view of authority based on the previous concept. This helps serve as a reminder for me when I'm tempted to question other areas of authority in my life. Being under authority is a healthy thing and does not conjure up the same painful images as it has in the past. For that, I must thank the corporate world.

#authority #attitude 

New Balance in Coaching Basketball

It has been four years since I last prowled the side-line of a basketball court as a coach. I miss pacing the sidelines, especially in March when basketball is king. While focusing on other areas of life I do want to return to coaching at some point, and I'm confident the additional life-experience I've been getting will stand me in good stead for when I have the opportunity to return to the game of basketball. I enjoyed watching my brother assist Manchester Central to a Division I NH state title last Saturday and it is neat to watch his development as a coach and person around the game.

 When I began my first head coaching job at the ripe old-age of 21 I believed my main responsibility to my players was to point out all the areas of their game where they were not performing to the standard I had in mind for them. As other coaches can attest, some of this mentality is true of coaching, but that is only half the job. Looking back now I shudder to think of the negative impact I had on my players due to my lack of experience and maturity as a person and as a coach. When I get the opportunity to coach again I'm looking forward to implementing the "other-side" of coaching which to some may be glaringly obvious, but I only came to recognize this within the last several months.

I would posit that as important to communicating to your players what they did wrong is the ability and willingness to praise your players for what they did correctly. As a player who honestly enjoys hearing your coach only ever rag on you? I know I didn't. Praising your players is not putting them at risk of getting a big-head, no rather it serves as an accurate reflection of what should be taking place in life outside of basketball. I view playing and coaching the game of basketball as a reflection of how you live your life, with balance, poise, grit, and determination. In the real-world you discover some people will praise you and some will not. Some people will confront you from constructive criticism and some will not. Coaching is a unique privilege because you have the responsibility of fulfilling both roles of critic and cheerleader for your players.  

I know I've been challenged by this thought, and like I said before, I'm looking forward to implementing this when I have another opportunity to teach others about both the game of basketball and life. 

#MarchMadness #coaching #basketball #lifelessons #NCAA

What I Love About Being a Dad

Alright, enough of these intellectual and spiritual posts for a week. This week I want to share with you what I love about being a father (so far). Who knows, perhaps even one or two of these favorites may surprise you. They are in no particular order of significance:

1. Clear Eyes--I love looking into my daughters eyes and seeing nothing but innocence. I know, I know, she won't always remain this way but I'd never quite noticed how clean and pure a baby's eyes look. I would personally attribute that to a clear conscience but I'm not the expert. Anyway, I'm enjoying seeing those eyes look at me with clarity.

2. Rocking, rocking, rocking--Who would have ever thought I would have the magic touch when it comes to settling GJ? I don't think even I would have thought I would be this good with her. I'd better cross my fingers now because saying something like this may turn all of this on its' head. Until it does anyway, I love rocking my daughter to sleep. When she falls asleep in my arms I consider it a privilege she has given to me. She trusts me and I don't want to ever do anything to damage that trust.

3. Development--I love being a Dad because I get a front-row seat to how a little-human develops and begins to grow (outside of the womb that is). Reviewing pictures from when GJ was first born I'm astounded at her growth. She's jabbering now, and is oh so close to crawling. She can now focus on items in front of her face and will reach both arms in a scissor motion towards the item she would like to reach for (coming from barely being able to grasp onto things this is definitely development). She is extending her reach which is also a sign her eyesight is developing as she previously could only see 10-15 feet from her eyes, and is also a sign her field-of vision is looking beyond her previously small sphere.

4. Heavenly perspective--other parents' will understand this, and perhaps even those who are not parents will, to an extent. As a father, I now have a small inkling of what God thinks about me. I would never have been able to see through that lens if it weren't for GJ, and I'm appreciative of the change of perspective.

5. Diapers--Yes, here is the one you're probably surprised about. I'll say it so you can have the satisfaction of reading it in print, I love being a Dad because I get to change diapers. I hope your satisfaction meter has spiked. Diapers? Yes. Why? Because it is yet another opportunity to serve my daughter. I came to a realization a couple of years ago regarding diapers when I was baby-sitting my nephew. He was so helpless and cute when I changed his diaper, I couldn't help but love him as a result. My whole perspective on diaper-changing was re-calibrated when I viewed it through that perspective, and the same is now true of GJ. Is it always fun or enjoyable? No quite honestly it's not. But every-time I'm tempted to be grumpy, all I have to do is look at the precious life before me and the grumpiness all melts away.

So, now it's your turn. What do you love about being a Dad? Mom? Uncle? Aunt? Grandparent?

Reaction to a Visit to Recovering Grace Website

Sitting here I realize I'm doing the very thing I encourage others not to do, and that is react and write something from emotion. I've just spent some time skimming through the Recovering Grace website regarding some of the recent vitriol they are spewing regarding Bill Gothard (to read for yourself visit http://bit.ly/1gvelK3).

 Now, my point in reacting is not to defend or condone any action Bill Gothard may or may not have perpetrated. The fact of the matter is I can't speak to what did or did not happen. I have my own opinions regarding ATI/IBLP not all of which are a glowing report of the ministry, but I would have to say overall I've appreciated the ministry and benefit I've received in my own life from my experiences. Am I blind to the abject power structure which was in place? Absolutely not. I would say the hypocrisy I saw lived out in the lives of some ATI families was also a bit of a concern for me. Anyway I digress (if you are interested in continuing to hear more of my story, please let me know).

What is of greatest concern to me as I'm reading some of the material on #RecoveringGrace is the overwhelming bias which exudes from RG. Now, perhaps RG does not intend to provide any kind of balance to what they are reporting regarding Bill Gothard. If that is the case, then they are doing a pretty darn good job of smearing and making their point. Now, I realize they may have attempted to contact Mr. Gothard and he did not return any comment on their attempts, which I just have to say is his right! If he does not respond to your questions, then writing something based on a non-response is very shaky ground. In fact, one might call that an argument from silence. At times when there is no response that can itself be condemning but not necessarily every time. I'd have to say that just because Mr. Gothard chooses not to respond to accusations does not automatically validate those accusations. So if you visit RG be prepared to hear one-side of the story when there are always two sides to every story.

Another thing which concerns me is the claim I gathered from Recovering Grace regarding the intent of helping the healing journey of various categories of individuals who have "survived" ATI. Speaking from my professional capacity as a counseling clinician and student of counseling, I believe the continuation of the mud-slinging may be more detrimental to the healing process than is believed. Yes, each person should be able to tell their story. But where does telling the story stop and the healing begin? I agree the scab needs to be opened to the air so it can heal, but continuing to pick at it will not bring the needed healing. Instead, it will continue to stir up feelings of anger, bitterness and resentment. It may help establish a community of like-minded people who have "survived", but in the end if you don't let go of the hurt you're only doing more damage to yourself. Is the concept of forgiveness easy? Absolutely not! I make no claim to forgiveness or the process of forgiveness being easy. In fact, it may be forgiveness to release, rather than forgiveness to reconciliation. Healing is absolutely necessary but I would perhaps encourage it in a less public forum (retraumatizing individuals could be a very viable concern for some as they continue to read each story).

From visiting the Recovering Grace site only a few times here is what I see (as an ATI adult, as a counselor, as a person). I see a group of hurting people who are choosing to hold onto their hurt through banding together and casting blame. In reality, there are many different factors and choices which shaped your perception of God, your self-identity, and your faith. Perhaps blame should be cast but I would have to ask, "To what point?" To the saving of Mr. Gothards' soul? Is the end goal to publicly shame Mr. Gothard? Would that make everyone feel better? Like Jonah, I doubt most of the contributors to RG would like to see Bill in heaven. Personally, I think we are going to see him in heaven whether you like it or not (I know I hope to see him in heaven someday).
#BillGothard #ATI #IBLP