Friday, January 25, 2013

Graduate Paper from Human Sexuality Course Fall 2012

Hello Friends,

I thought I would share the paper I wrote late in the Fall of 2012. This was a requirement for the Human Sexuality course I took that Fall and as part of my Marriage & Family Counseling Masters. It was meant to be written in APA format (and I did my best to follow those guidelines).

*Please be aware the content is not appropriate for younger audiences. I do not go into extremely graphic detail, but the paper examined Pornography and whether or not Pastors have a greater propensity towards developing an addiction towards this insidious epidemic.*


PORNOGRAPHY’S IMPACT ON PASTORS: INCREASING AWARENESS

Pornography’s Impact on Pastors: Increasing Awareness
Clyde W. Sandford
Lancaster Bible College
CPS 577

PORNOGRAPHY’S IMPACT ON PASTORS: INCREASING AWARENESS
Abstract
This article examines the pitfalls of pastoral ministry. The many stressors within church ministry may leave clergy members searching for an escape from their responsibilities, with an increasing number turning towards pornography. Pornography does not just impact the neural circuitry of the brain. It also undermines the ministry of the pastor, including his relationship with God, his family, and his parishioners. Treatment for this increasing issue begins with accountability and a greater willingness to express vulnerability from those in pastoral authority. Increasing awareness will enable non-church leaders to take responsibility and support their pastors more effectively. 

Introduction
            Before the inception of the United States, pornography was seen as detrimental to society and prohibited. As early as 1712, the colony of Massachusetts sought to prevent pornographic material from being distributed (Melton & Ward, 1989). Limiting pornography was not successful, but as more information becomes available, the caustic effects of pornography may precipitate additional ways of exploring how those effects may be countered and who is affected. Pornography is very lucrative. In fact, it is a multi-billion dollar industry with revenue estimates reaching $57 billion worldwide. Approximately one-fifth of that is consumed within the United States (Struthers, 2009). Pornography targets men as its’ main consumer with pastors sharing the same purity struggles as any other man. Pastors may even be more vulnerable towards developing an addiction to pornography than the average man. According to Rediger (2003) “After many years of studying spiritual roles and providing pastoral counseling and training to the human beings who are trying to be effective pastors, nothing concerns me more for the future of faithful pastoring than the availability of cybersex.” The unique role of clergy increases their vulnerability towards pornography.
            One estimate pegs as much as twenty-five percent of clergy as guilty of sexual sin, of which, pornography may be a leading aggressor (Rediger, 2003). Until recently, most pastors would have been above suspicion for sexual misconduct. Unfortunately, no individual is beyond the grasp of pornography. Pornography use and sexual misconduct can be visible for those willing to pay attention to the presenting signs (Rediger, 2003). This paper addresses the vulnerabilities within pastoring as it relates to pornographic addictions as well as presenting hope for their treatment and recovery.
 Pornography
            Within our sex saturated culture the presence of pornography is almost everywhere we look. The consistent presence of pornography leads to a consumer mentality when it comes to viewing the female body. This mentality shifts how men view women. Whether we realize it or not, the neural circuitry of how we view others is changed through the repeated exposure to pornography, thus making pornography more dangerous than some may think (Struthers, 2009). Human sexuality, the object which pornography targets, is so much more than a mere physical act. It is a blending of two complete individuals (Hollinger, 2009). Pornography attempts to mimic the powerful expression of love and intimacy felt between two individuals, but through a two-dimensional image one can walk away from with no strings attached.
            The definition of pornography begins with an examination of the word. Porne, from which the word pornography is taken, is a Greek word meaning “female captives” or “prostitutes” (Struthers, 2009). Pornography has since evolved into an activity bereft of involvement with another human being. A more modern definition of pornography is supplied by the U.S. Supreme court, “1) the dominant theme appeals to prurient interest; 2) it is offensive in affronting contemporary community standards: and 3) it is utterly without redeeming social value” (Melton & Ward, 1989).
            As it relates to pornography, the definition of addiction is debatable. In fact, both those in the psychological and medical professions cannot come to a definite conclusion regarding whether internet pornography should be categorized as a compulsive behavior or as an addiction (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). If pornography use were to be categorized as an addiction then three criteria must be met. The first would be powerlessness when faced with the opportunity to view pornography. The second would be viewing pornography even though the individual knows his actions are detrimental to himself or those around him. The third criterion is an exorbitant amount of time spent thinking about pornography (Struthers, 2009). Addiction takes on additional meaning when neurotransmitters within the brain are recognized. According to Struthers (2009), “To be addicted to something is to release dopamine, which causes you to want it and to make the decision to pursue it.” In the past, an increase in a behavior over a period of two years was required before assigning the label of a sex addiction, but the internet appears to have narrowed the gap of time needed to assign that specification (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). For those who engage in pornography, there is deeper meaning.
            The use of pornography can be traced back to the man’s desire to manipulate and control with personal pleasure as the end goal (Balswick, 2008). Sadly, one of America’s greatest strengths is also a glaring weakness. The focus on individuality which is celebrated in the United States is also a causative factor in the development of an addiction to pornography. The needs of the individual are then elevated, even at the cost to the community (Struthers, 2009). Pornography strikes at the brain of the individual. Visual stimulation initiates a masturbatory response, which in turn leads to genital stimulation. This act produces sexual euphoria generated from the release of opiates within the brain, which is very pleasurable, finally triggering a desire to repeat the process (Struthers, 2009). Oxytocin is another chemical present during a sexual experience and is released when orgasm takes place, causing a bond between the man and the woman to develop. Release without the presence of a partner though may lead to the same attachment developed towards an image, rather than a human being (Struthers, 2009). Mirror neurons within the brain heighten the sexual response to pornography within men. When a man views pornography he is not merely watching an image, but projecting himself into the image as the one participating in the pornography. This neurological connection sends sexual signals to the brain, demanding a release for the buildup of tension (Struthers, 2009). Norepinephrine within the brain can be a great thing. This drug allows a freeze frame of memory which heightens sexual tension and pleasure when sexual memories are recalled. Pornography activates norepinephrine, embedding these images onto the male brain. The pictures are then recalled even when uninvited during times of sexual intimacy with one’s spouse. This can be a devastating effect of pornography because those images cannot be erased (Struthers, 2009). Pornography has exploded, due in part to the three A’s of accessibility, affordability, and anonymity (Struthers, 2009). With the advent of the internet, pastors especially can be susceptible to the draws of pornography due to the amount of time they spend alone, the ease with which it can be viewed on a computer, and the relatively low financial cost. Unfortunately, not all pastors spend their lone hours preparing sermons; some hours are spent in pornography and masturbation.
Pastors
            Clergy have self-reported with an astounding 40% of respondents admitting to a struggle with pornography (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). This is an alarming statistic but due to how the male brain is visually hardwired, some of this statistic may be expected (Struthers, 2009). Cybersex, or pornography may seduce pastors more easily because pastors believe they can keep this guilty pleasure secret from all but their Creator (Rediger, 2003). The role itself, according to Rediger (2003) provides plenty of opportunities for sexual mistakes. Pastors can be placed on a pedestal by their parishioners who view their pastor as perfect and as one who can do no wrong. The incredible respect they are afforded combined with influence and access into the lives of those in their congregation promotes inauthentic relationships thus isolating the pastor. A pastor is never able to shake the façade of perceived perfection wherever he goes. Whether in his own home, the community, or his parish, the expectation to perform is never very far away (Rediger, 2003). This inability to make mistakes sets the pastor up for failure because he is encouraged to live out a non-biblical paradigm of his role. Though perhaps not glorying in one’s failures, a pastor needs to have the freedom to make mistakes in public, without his salvation being called into question by shocked parishioners who may witness such an error. After all, the same sort of support and encouragement is what the pastor would hopefully extend to a member of his congregation if a similar snafu had been made.
            The taxing and demanding role of a pastor can leave them drained at the end of the day. The exorbitant amount of good they have done throughout the day can leave them feeling as if they deserve a special treat. For some, that treat is pornography and they may approach it with an air of entitlement. They may not even care what the consequences of their actions may be as they become so focused on meeting the present specific need (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). This approach also demonstrates a flawed view of how the pastor views his needs being met. Rather than seeking to find his needs met within his relationship with God, he is looking to himself to meet those needs, which is an inaccurate thought pattern. The absence of a strong relationship with God leaves the pastor searching for meaningful relationships elsewhere. According to
Balswick (2008) “A strong relationship has been found between the consumption of Internet pornography and loneliness.” The flawed approach the pastor exercises in meeting his own needs fuels a postmodern ethos of ethics. Instead of developing an ethic from convictions, society has undermined that approach and replaced it with an ethcon, or ethics from consequences. An ethic from convictions, or ethbel, which acts as a moral compass for what is right and wrong based upon ones belief system would be a more appropriate approach to ethics (Rediger, 2003). The ethcon approach to ethics has crept into the church. Some pastors view pornography as something which is permissible, provided they are not caught, and see it as an appropriate method for meeting their own needs.
            Pornography bankrupts the pastors’ spiritual sensitivity and his relationship with God. Rediger (2003) states, “In organized religion we are learning, through consequences, that sick sexuality generates sick spirituality—and vice a versa.” The spiritual bankruptcy pastors’ experience from viewing pornography will eventually impact their ministry. In fact, viewing pornography establishes an idol in the heart causing pastors to wander from seeking after God (Struthers, 2009). Pornography simply cannot coexist with healthy spirituality because it is diametrically opposed to the very thing God exemplifies. Within the context of healthy relationships, with God and others, both our sexuality and spirituality can grow. According to Balswick (2008), “Deeply embedded within each one of us is a divine longing for wholeness that sends us reaching beyond ourselves to God and others.” Unfortunately, many pastors have sought to fill that void with pornography rather than genuine authentic relationships.
Treatment
“Neurological troughs of depravity are rarely changed overnight, since they were not formed overnight” (Struthers, 2009). Recovery from a pornography addiction will be a long road, but one that is made possible through the blood of Jesus and others who are willing to work with the individual as long as he recognizes his need for help. Pornography has such a powerfully negative impact on the user that they can be left with the feeling that they are “beyond spiritual restoration.” This is especially true for pastors who tend to believe they have failed God and are beyond restoration (Struthers, 2009). The truth of the gospel cuts through this lie, shining a ray of hope for anyone trapped in pornography. The rewiring of the brain will take time and effort, but there is always hope. Within therapy, hope is an essential message the therapist must communicate with the client tempered with the reality of the uphill battle. Pastors especially will bear a weight of guilt beyond just using pornography. Processing the pain they have caused others and the grief of what they have lost is an appropriate goal within counseling. Within counseling, the therapist must understand the impact the pastoral role has upon his client. For pastors coming for counseling their role is “sui generis, for it is the only profession that wraps personal identity, professional identity, and religious [identity] all in the same package” (Rediger, 2003). The complex nature of a pastoral role presents a significant amount of work for the therapist as he begins to peel back the layers from this unique vocation. Additionally, when pastors come for counseling, their own individual struggles are what brought them. Sometimes their role can heighten the attention given them (Rediger, 2003). Knowledge of the occupation of the client would help the counselor guard themselves within the therapeutic relationship. The pastor within counseling should not be treated differently than any other client.
            As is true with any presenting issue, but especially for pornography use, the client must come to a point where they recognize there is a problem with their behavior. Without admitting an issue exists, true healing cannot take place (Struthers, 2009). Sadly enough, the normalization of the use of pornography clouds this issue causing many men to believe using it is normal. It is not until significant consequences arise, such as job loss or threats of divorce which allow the client to grasp the stark reality of their addiction. This is also when pastors appropriately fit the definition for an addiction to pornography. Another key component which allows healing to take place would be the addicts’ recognition of their need for God. This realization is further cemented when they realize without God any lasting change becomes suspect (Struthers, 2009). The development of a deeper spiritual relationship with God will fortify the pastor during the battle with this powerful addiction. Shame acts as an insurmountable barrier to healing anchoring the addict to the belief that because they are unable to resist the urge to act on pornography, they must be intricately flawed (Struthers, 2009). In reality they are not flawed, but due to the strength of the neural connections within their brains’ they fall prey to this false belief. A skillful counselor will need to undermine this barrier allowing truth and hope to set them free.
            A pastor, in his depravity and in an effort to blame-shift once he is caught in pornography, may communicate his dissatisfaction with his wife as the reason for why he became addicted to porn. In actuality, poor choices, the blurring of boundaries and an emphasis on the pastor’s own satisfaction are what played into his choice. As Laaser & Gregoire (2003) noted, “It is not troubled marriages that lead to Internet addiction, but Internet addiction that has negative effects on marriage.” The effects of pornography have devastating effects on marriages, not the least of which is the breach of trust between the pastor and his spouse which must be repaired if there is any hope of the marriage being saved. Marriage therapy would be an appropriate setting for the rebuilding of this trust relationship, even if the spouses eventually decide to part ways (Friberg, Hopkins, & Laaser, 1995). A radical shift in communication and a willingness to be vulnerable within the marriage is crucial for restoration to take place. In fact, when working with the spouse of a pastor who has become addicted to pornography, “counseling, which encourages true vulnerability and teaches addicts how to express their feelings, is essential” (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). The pastor has not been living a life of authenticity or vulnerability with his spouse, which is why a radical shift from his previous way of communicating is so essential. The spouse has to be able to believe her husband is being genuine otherwise he may slip back into his old habits and patterns, and she will again be left in the dark. He has been able to keep this from her. If he is drawn out emotionally, then his needs are met in such a way which no longer allows pornography to hold such sway.
            At some level the pastor will need to come to a point of forgiving himself, but according to Laaser & Gregoire (2003) not too quickly: “Forgiveness is an essential part of the healing process, but it must come only after a time of recognition, emotional catharsis, including anger, and healthy boundary setting.” If the pastor forgives himself too quickly, then he is not allowing himself enough time to process through all the dimensions of what his actions have done to himself, and to others. This is not necessary from a standpoint of guilt or self-flagellation for failure, but rather for a healthy recognition of the existence of consequences for his actions.
            The stranglehold pornography has upon the pastor is heightened by the secrecy and deception he has used to further his addiction. Therefore, confession is one of the greatest weapons which can be used against an addicts’ battle with pornography. This confession is not just between God and the man, but rather between the addict and another man. Revealing this struggle to another takes the teeth out of the isolation the addict has struggled with for so long. They are no longer fighting this battle alone. How this confession is made though has a huge impact on whether healing can take place or not. A desire for change is crucial, as are recognizing the wrong of pornography, owning it and choosing to move on within the confession process (Struthers, 2009). An element which could increase change would be recognizing triggers, or clues which indicate a specific behavior generally follows. Recognizing triggers is especially important within the recovery process. When one is able to recognize when a particular temptation comes, the individual can redirect, move, change, or readjust in an effort to prevent previous behavior from happening again. This recognition empowers the recovering addict, rather than feeling as if they are out of control in this area (Struthers, 2009). Control is an extremely important gift the counselor can give back to the addict because so often within their addiction they are out of control, and the client knows it. As the counselor works with the pastor, they empower them with ideas, techniques, and suggestions. This grants the client a greater measure of control within their recovery process.
            As noted earlier, pastors can experience isolation and loneliness while serving in a pastoral capacity which is why developing healthy relationships becomes so important within the recovery process. Pastors who have attended large Christian rallies for men confess several areas of need within their profession. The most significant highlight is a tendency towards “emotional isolation”. These pastors admitted they had no outlet and lacked the necessary tools to deal with their emotional needs. The second relevant finding was that these men were driven by their performance (Struthers, 2009). Research of this nature highlights the importance of vulnerability and accountability within pastoral circles. Emotional vulnerability within the context of healthy relationships will further their recovery because they will have an outlet for emotional stress. Our lives are lived within a context of relationships, some being healthy, and some not. For pastors caught in pornography, their experience has not been of healthy relationships with others. Encouraging them to develop meaningful, healthy relationships with other men is an important part of their recovery (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). Developing these relationships allows them to experience accountability and encourages them to be vulnerable within a safe context. Within their pastorate another effective tool in the recovery process would be an intentional focus on developing healthy relationships with others within the church. The development of healthy relationships with others helps ground the pastor in the reality of what authentic relationships look like, rather than developing an avenue for inauthentic relationships to flourish (Rediger, 2003).
            A version of the twelve-step recovery program has demonstrated effectiveness when treating pornography or cybersex (Rediger, 2003). The emphasis of group accountability, combined with a recognition of a higher power are elements which explain why this treatment has been so successful. For the pastor an additional building block would be his understanding of and dedication to spiritual disciplines. Healthy habits which encourage prayer, fasting, and meditation are important when facing an addiction to pornography (Rediger, 2003). Self-care is also an important part of treatment and is needed to strike a healthy balance between pastoral ministry and the rest of life. The stresses of ministry, which if not navigated with proper self-care, are the very things which may leave the pastor vulnerable to the vice of pornography.  
According to Rediger (2003) “Pastors who are keeping themselves healthy in body-mind-spirit are much less likely to commit boundary violations, and they are much more likely to experience the joys of pastoring.” Health consists of every aspect of the human body, not just physical health. As such, “holistic health will not become wholistic health until spiritual health, mental health, and physical health are seen as inextricably intertwined” (Rediger, 2003). Health must then take into account all facets of the body not just physical health. Exercise though, would be an appropriate intervention and important part of therapy because of the emphasis it places on proper self-care within the arena of physical health.
            Treatment of a pornography addiction will take time and entails an extended period of time abstaining from the addictive behavior. According to Laaser & Gregoire (2003) “Successful treatment would indicate that they have demonstrated at least one year of sobriety from the addictive behavior.” Demonstration of sobriety would also depend upon whether or not the pastor has yielded himself to authority within his treatment, and has allowed himself to become openly accountable to others (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). Without the support of others, he may very well fall back into his old patterns. However, with their support he may continue to develop new neural circuitry which may help him fight his future urges.   Contrary to the message of instant gratification, which has become so prevalent in society, the forgotten concept of self-control is what we as believers are called to, which includes our sexuality. Regardless of urges which are perceived to be beyond our control, it is possible to steer this aspect of our humanity (Struthers, 2009).
Faith Perspective
            I am a believer in and follower of Jesus Christ as the Son of God. With that premise firmly established, the Word of God is an important tool and avenue through which Jesus allows each one of us to learn to know and please Him better as our Heavenly Bridegroom. The Word of God may not implicitly address every issue or question we may come across in our modern day, but I do believe principles are present which encourage us to understand the Heart of God better. When the Word of God does speak on something, it is not intended to be a friendly suggestion, but rather a command spoken from God Almighty. It is not from the standpoint of judgment and shame if the instruction is not followed, but meant as an expression of God’s infinite love for His creation. 
            Within scripture there is no explicit command condemning pornography, but the apostle Paul does seek to address this form of sexual immorality with the Corinthian church. Paul reminds the church that their bodies are not their own, rather they belong to God. He encourages them to flee from this form of sexual immorality and that they should not go looking for pornography. Finally he tells them they should repent if they fall (Struthers, 2009).
            As in everything, God is not interested in the bare minimum in our lives. Striking at the very heart of men as a gender, he challenges their thoughts to remain pure. Society has successfully established a fragmented approach towards what one thinks and ones actions, stressing there is a difference. According to Struthers:
            Purity is as much a matter of the mind as it is of the body, and it is important not to separate the two. The thoughts we think affect our body. The behaviors that we engage in affect our thinking. The interaction between thought and body is rooted in the neurobiology of the brain. Thoughts and behavior are woven together and intertwined with one another. This is how pornography and unhealthy sexuality pollutes the brain and the body together” (Struthers, 2009).
            As a believer in Jesus I am called to a higher standard of living than a nonbeliever. Additionally, as one called into ministry I am doubly accountable for both my thoughts and actions. Examining this topic has challenged me in several ways, the first of which is to strengthen my own personal self-care both spiritually and physically. It has also opened my eyes to the vulnerabilities I will be exposed to both in my role as a pastor and as a counselor. Lastly, I have been given a better understanding and sensitivity towards those caught in the trap of pornography. Without understanding this topic I would have been one of those who encouraged greater grit and told others to tough it out. Perhaps that may be an approach used at some point, but I have to say my eyes have been opened to the neurological impact pornography has on the brain. The illustration which sticks with me is the idea of a superhighway with sound barriers along each side. As pornography is used, those walls get higher and higher on each side of the neural pathways. There is hope for those caught in pornography but it is a much steeper road than I would have previously thought.
             As a follower of Jesus I believe habitual victory is possible. We may have the propensity to sin, but that doesn’t mean we have to simply roll over when temptation comes. Jesus didn’t die for me to sin some more, no rather He died for me to sin no more. Holiness is the end goal, which will never be fully attained this side of the grave, but it is something worth striving for. I appreciated the hope Struthers gives to those caught in this most unholy addiction, because the neural pathways of the brain can be rewired, with time and effort. Rather than giving into corruption, if neural connections of holiness are created and reinforced, then new superhighways can be created thus diverting traffic from the pornography circuit. Sanctification, means becoming more and more like Jesus, which allows neural holiness connections to become part of our very nature (Struthers, 2009)
            As one headed into pastoral ministry I’ve found this topic to be challenging, sobering, yet full of hope. I hadn’t realized the impact pornography has on the brain, though I had some inkling of the impact it has on other relationships. The research was sobering and is challenging me to safe-guard myself with accountability, spiritual disciplines, and a greater understanding of this topic. Lastly, I’m struck by the redemptive power God has provided for us in Jesus Christ. Pornography and its insidious effects are real, but so is the reality of the life-changing power there is in a relationship with Jesus Christ. As believers we are not left to wallow where our wanderings have left us, no, rather we are called higher, which is a reality full of hope! Struthers put it well when he said, “The process of sanctification is an addiction to holiness, a compulsive fixation on Christ and an impulsive pattern of compassion, virtue and love. This is what we were wired for. This is what we were meant for” (Struthers, 2009).
Conclusion
            The issue of pastoral pornography use and addiction is on the rise. With the increased availability of internet pornography, those within church leadership circles need to become more aware of the vulnerability pastors have for this particular vice. The church itself must shift the expectations it places upon pastors and replace it with a paradigm where mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, rather than an opportunity to “shoot [their] wounded” (Nelson, 2003). Pastors’ desire to perform often leads them down the road of pornography and inauthentic relationships. Those not in church leadership should become more aware of this tendency, and work towards countering it. A greater willingness towards accountability and the development of healthy relationships from those in the pulpit would go a long ways towards preventing pastoral sexual misconduct. Pastors rarely begin their ministry with the intention of crashing and burning from a pornography addiction. However, the slow steps which lead down that road can be foreseen and countered if both the pastor and those around him are willing to see the warning signs. Regardless of any previous leadership accountability paradigm, the vulnerability of a pastor to participate in sexual misconduct has increased the necessity for a greater emphasis on accountability and ethics from within the church (Gaede & Benyei, 2006). Ethics of this nature are not only represented by those within pastoral authority, but also by church members. We are all called to a higher level of accountability which means we are all responsible for the choices we make. Pastors are also responsible for the choices they make, but that does not mean we should leave them dangling in the wind.
  
References
Balswick, J. K., & Balswick, J. O. (2008). Authentic human sexuality : an integrated Christian approach / by Judith K. Balswick and Jack O. Balswick: Downers Grove, Ill. : IVP Academic, c2008. 2nd ed.
Friberg, N., Hopkins, N. M., & Laaser, M. R. (1995). Restoring the soul of a church : healing congregations wounded by clergy sexual misconduct / contributors, Nils Friberg ... [et al.] ; editors, Nancy Myer Hopkins, Mark Laaser: Collegeville, Minn. : Alban Institute, c1995.
Gaede, B. A., & Benyei, C. R. (2006). When a congregation is betrayed : responding to clergy misconduct / Beth Ann Gaede, editor ; authors, Candace R. Benyei ... [et al.]: [Herndon, Va.] : Alban Institute, c2006.
Hollinger, D. P. (2009). The meaning of sex : Christian ethics and the moral life / Dennis P. Hollinger: Grand Rapids, Mich. : Baker Academic, c2009.
Laaser, M. R., & Gregoire, L. J. (2003). Pastors and cybersex addiction. SEXUAL AND RELATIONSHIP THERAPY, 18, 395-404.
Melton, J. G., & Ward, G. L. (1989). The Churches speak on pornography : official statements from religious bodies and ecumenical organizations / J. Gordon Melton ; Gary L. Ward, contributing editor: Detroit, Mich. : Gale Research, c1989.
Nelson, L. (2003). Sexual addiction versus sexual anorexia and the church's impact. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 10(2-3), 179-191. doi: 10.1080/10720160390230682
Rediger, G. L. (2003). Beyond the scandals : a guide to healthy sexuality for clergy / G. Lloyd Rediger: Minneapolis : Fortress Press, c2003.
Struthers, W. M. (2009). Wired for intimacy : how pornography hijacks the male brain / by William M. Struthers: Downers Grove, Ill. : IVP Books, c2009.

Story from Group Leadership Skills Text

There is an old Hasidic story of a rabbi who had a conversation with the Lord about Heaven and Hell. "I will show you Hell," said the Lord, and led the rabbi into a room containing a group of famished, desperate people sitting around a large, circular table. In the center of the table rested an enormous pot of stew, more than enough for everyone. The smell of the stew was delicious and made the rabbi's mouth water. Yet no one ate. Each diner at the table held a very long-handled spoon--long enough to reach the pot and scoop up a spoonful of stew, but too long to get the food into one's mouth. The rabbi saw that their suffering was indeed terrible and bowed his head in compassion. "Now I will show you Heaven, " said the Lord, and they entered another room, identical to the first--same large, round table, same enormous pot of stew, same long-handled spoons. Yet there was gaiety in the air; everyone appeared well nourished, plump, and exuberant. The rabbi could not understand and looked to the Lord. "It is simple," said the Lord, "but it requires a certain skill. You see, the people in this room have learned to feed each other!"
(The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom & Molyn Leszcz, p. 13)

I found this story to be incredibly amusing when I read it, but especially appreciated the point. The point made was that those in group therapy must learn to feed off of each other. We each impact the other in the group and there is a give-and-take relationship within this setting that is healthy and normal. One must be willing to be a part of both, which can be the challenge.

Additionally, and this was not the point of this author, but the same can be said of the church. We each need to recognize that we can offer something to ministry. The attitude of going to church to "get something" should not be what our constant attitude towards church should be. Instead, rather we should look to attend with an attitude of what we can each give. This is not to say that we can't have a hectic week, and find ourselves really spiritually thirsty on a Sunday, but the consistent attitude of only thinking about what we can get, I believe, is an outworking of consumerism that is rampant in America, and is not something believers should adhere to. Anyway, I found this story to be both humorous but with several valid points. 

Change

How do people change? That question was presented in grad class this evening (yes, I am writing this in the middle of class, but I'm trying to maintain attention and wanted to see if writing out some thoughts would help me remember and engage). What is your take on this question?

My initial response was people change from the heart, or from the inside out. That is not to say this is the end all-in-all answer, but this is definitely one way someone changes. What may be other ways people change? Another answer was within the context of vulnerability.

If someone can truly be themselves, without fear of reprisal, being shamed, attacked or experience any negative feedback from what they have shared, then I believe change will take place more effectively. If they take that risk and it doesn't work out for them, then they may never take that risk again. Risk is important within the context of counseling and group therapy. Not only from the perspective of the therapist, but also as the individuals who are involved as participants.

As a Marriage & Family Counseling major, change is something I am definitely interested in seeing take place. I'm also interested to see how I changed. I look at where I've come within my educational context and I'm amazed. I originally came from a Bible only, to more of an integrationist (who holds the truth of Scripture higher than psychology when they come in conflict with each other). Change, especially within the context of the counseling field can definitely be a good thing, which is helpful for you and I to remember.