Tuesday, October 8, 2013

The Sabbath Celebrated

Below is an article I recently wrote for my church fellowship. Hope you are encouraged and blessed by the reminder.

"In this world of darkness we must shine, you in your small corner and I in mine."

The words of this song ring out the truth of our times. The darkness of this world seems to be increasing all around us. Be it in our local or national news, our communities, or international headlines, this darkness is palpable. 

What a lovely and uplifting paragraph, right? The purpose of this epistle is not meant to state the obvious, I assure you. However, if you and I are to recognize the Sabbath for the pearl of great price that it is, we must understand the true impact it can have in our lives as a bastion of light. 

Recently, I began my counseling practicum. It feels like I am consistently blown away by listening to the stories of pain and suffering in the lives of those God has granted me the privilege of ministering to. I'm vividly reminded of the sin and darkness in our world from an eye-level perspective. All the textbooks and classes in the world could never have prepared me for the emotional lurches I've experienced at the beginning of this journey. Lurches so severe, I have felt nauseous after hearing their stories of brokenness  and pain. Honoring the blood of Jesus has never been so precious to wash away the impact of sin. Looking ahead to the end of my week, the Sabbath has never looked sweeter. I'm sure whatever you week has been like we all long for the coming of the Sabbath. 

I was recently impacted by a connection I made with the Sabbath and my car. As many of you know, when you drive your vehicle at night you have the choice of either using your "high" beams or your "low" beams. Most of us consistently use our "low" beams in an attempt to not blind oncoming drivers. Often, we can get lulled into thinking what we see in our field-of-vision is all there is to see. When you switch on the "high" beams, an extended field-of-vision is brought into sight. You wondered how you could ever have settled for the "low" beam vision. Whether we realize it or not, our wee can consist of only using our "low" beams to pierce the darkness around us. We may think we're doing pretty well. Then we remember we have a "high" beam we can use. The Sabbath sheds a whole new world of light on our lives as we recharge our emotional, physical, and mental batteries from the wear-down of the week. It is a great opportunity to take stock of the week and realize not all the world is darkness because God is in control. We just couldn't see because our "high" beams weren't on. This week let's remember to enjoy the Sabbath, but let's also remember to keep our "high" beams on more often. 

As Paul states to the Ephesians:
"I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called--his holy people who are his rich and gracious inheritance. I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe in him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms. Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else--not only in this world but in the world to come." Ephesians 1:18-21 NLT

Trusting you enjoy the next Sabbath with your "high" beams on.
Clyde

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

False Beliefs #psychology #counseling Take #2

Sometimes blogger drives me nuts. I'm sorry for those who may have tried to read the post from last night and you were unable to easily see the content. What I meant to say is below.


  • "I must be perfect."
  • "I must have everyone's love and approval."
  • "It is easier to avoid problems than to face them."
False beliefs. We all have them. They take root in our minds, hearts, and very belief structure. They poison our mind so we can't even really see through clear lenses to even know the glasses are fogged up. They are twisted minions of disaster. If they are not countered, challenged, gently addressed and corrected, then beliefs like the ones above can ruin relationships and lives. They can also become more deeply ingrained as we spend more and more time dwelling on what isn't true. A false belief I've struggled with is the fear that if everyone really knew me, then they wouldn't like me. No, I'm not talking about the casual, "Hey C how's it going?" I'm talking about really really knowing me. Vulnerability in that place can be extremely terrifying (and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels the same way). Therefore, at times I've pushed people away, or sought to present to them a front that either makes me look appealing, or at the very least hides who I believe I really am.

The thing is, no matter how hard we choose to believe the lies we've ended up telling ourselves, we're actually building on a foundation of matchsticks. A foundation which will quickly go up in smoke the moment a match is lit to those false beliefs. They can't stand the test of truth because they aren't true. 

After understanding the existence of false beliefs, the following words of Jesus take on a whole new meaning. "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32). Truth sets us free! Truth counters the lies we've begun to believe to define us. You don't need to prove truth; you need to believe it. Countering false beliefs may take time and effort, but the truth is what will eventually cut through the tangle of lies we've gotten ourselves caught in. Truth statements are simple ways of checking the false thought and instead provide a source which we can let our mind dwell on, and as we do this, we are allowing our minds to become transformed. Scripture is full of great truth statements, but I'm going to only focus on one which may or may not be drawn directly from scripture. 

An example of a truth statement from my scenario is, "People really do love me. Letting them see who I really am will only deepen my appreciation for them and their love for me. Vulnerability is worth it."

What are a few examples of truth statements you could use to help counter the three false beliefs from above? Do you realize false beliefs, even in your own life, even exist? A lot of the time, false beliefs we hold are somehow connected to the fears we experience. Take a few moments to consider what makes you afraid, and then you might be able to tie it back to a belief you may hold about yourself or those around you. Let truth set you free today!

Clinton, T.E. & Ohlschlager, G. W. (2002). Competent Christian Counseling (1st ed.). Colorado Springs, Colo.: WaterBrook Press.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Information Overload & Start of "New" Series

Information is something we have gotten accustomed to reading, hearing, and seeing a lot of every day. So here I am in my little corner of Lancaster County, PA and I think to myself, "Why don't I do my part to flood your world with information as well." Some of the information will be intentionally comical. For example, when I give you a "useless fact" from the "book of useless information" and then proceed to make fun of it using various methods (making up a story, or creating a straw man from it, or some other sundry method for evoking a bark of laughter). Other times, I'll give you the information and make a spiritual lesson out of it perhaps even including a scriptural reference or two. I might even offer this piece of information and simply let you ponder the greater implications to your life and world. Regardless of the method used, my purpose is to have fun, increase our learning together, and to enjoy this short time we all have on this earth. Let's see how things go and take it from there. Who knows, I may never write a post like this again if the responses I get are so outraged. Then again, if you respond positively, I may be encouraged to continue my silly tirades.

Information taken from: The Book of Useless Information by Noel Botham & The Useless Information Society

Apparently, "George Washington was deathly afraid of being buried alive. After he died, he wanted to be laid out for three days just to be sure he was dead." Apart from the pun in this tidbit, I can't help make this one comical. I'm sure you probably found this out after the fact George, but when you're gone you're gone. Letting you lie around for three days would only enforce this fact by the assault you unleashed on our olfactory senses. Put bluntly, Yous would stink to high heeaaven attt that point! In all seriousness though, I hope to see you some day. Sincerely, me.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Have Patience, Have Patience, Don't Be In Such A Hurry

"Even if we forgo the heavy matters about goals, values, and eternity, the more mundane concerns about change still dog us. For some people, change is dramatic, sudden, and substantial, a hoped-for but often unexpected transformation or enlightenment that is miraculous (or at least described as miraculous). The rarity of such change, however, has been corrupted by our quick-fix, fast-food culture which expects change to always be instantaneous...What's more, many Christians carry this attitude and intertwine it with assumptions of miraculous and magic-like cures because they think God is committed above all else to their happiness." (Clinton & Ohlschlager, Competent Christian Counseling, 2001, p. 224).

Shnikes! This was written ten years ago?! If it wasn't for the fact that I can stare at the copyright date, I would have thought this was spoken about 2013. There are facets of this quote which I have no problem with, but then there is the part about believing 'that God is committed above all else to my happiness', and I hit the roof. The bad theology in the thought is appalling! [Disclaimer: I am in no wise making fun of or belittling the fact that God does still choose to miraculously heal hearts, lives, relationships, and I'm so grateful for the reality, but He chooses to do so on His terms, not ours]. It's almost as if change and healing has to take place because God doesn't want me to go through suffering, and He always wants me to be happy. I realize the quote doesn't go as far as I am, and therefore I'm setting up a "straw-man" but there may be some who take this thought to an extreme. Suffering is part of the life-of-faith. It may not be a glamorous portion that is toted as the greatest thing ever, but just because I'm not happy all the time or I experience pain doesn't then mean God isn't sovereign or good; He is.

For many, we crave the miraculous and quick healing that God can bring about. There is nothing wrong with praying and hoping for faster healing or quicker change, as long as we are yielded to the will and timing of God. We also need to realize instantaneous healing is the exception rather than the norm. As one who is headed into a field (counseling) where I'd love to see immediate results, I'm also writing this as a reminder for myself to recognize the reality check I'll face. Change takes time, work, effort, and the grace of God. I'm certainly not the One who will bring about lasting change, which is comforting. Ultimately, this waiting on change process is not about me. Rather it is about the glory of God because His timing and methods for imparting change are perfect. Therefore, I can have patience and am reminded to not be in such a hurry.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Exercise Lessons from this Healthy Journey #insight #exercise

    As I was thinking about what to write for this week I was reminded to write something which is both encouraging, and yet informative. To that end, I thought I'd share a few lessons I've learned regarding exercise over the last three months. Exercise is always a tricky subject. How many times have you or I written it on our "New Years' Resolutions" list, maybe even started out well, but then fizzled in both our enthusiasm and follow-through? I know I have definitely fallen into the same trap of false expectations regarding what I can and can't do when talking about exercise. Although I digress, I believe the following principles could be applied to other areas of our life as well, even though for today, I've decided to focus them on the theme of exercise. I believe the following three principles, if taken seriously and applied will help you towards a healthier lifestyle, of which exercise is an important component.

1. Be Consistent
    Perhaps this first principle is a no-brainer, yet it can be so often overlooked. Maybe you don't have the opportunity to work out 6x a week (which would be a bit too much in my humble opinion) but whatever you are able to commit to plan on being consistent with it. In my case, my goal is to be consistent with working out 2-3x a week. Recently I've only been able to give about 1x a week, which though better than nothing, is not as helpful as 2-3x a week. Consistency means planning and preparation ahead of time. Look at your week ahead and schedule the times you want to work out now rather than waiting to do it the day of.

2. Shorter May Be Better
    Before embarking on my journey to regain a healthier lifestyle, I fell into the expectation trap of planning on working out 2-3 hours a pop. If you have the drive to take on this mammoth work-out, by all means follow-through, but I've found over the course of three months that I can get in just as high of a calorie burn work-out in about 40 minutes, than in spending longer. Additionally, if you are gearing your heart up to work harder, more intense for shorter amounts of time generally works better. It also doesn't force you to carve out as large a chunk of time in your weekly schedule, thus allowing you to be more consistent with your work-outs. Up to this point I've focused almost exclusively on cardio heavy work-outs. I'll warm up on a bicycle for 5 minutes. Then I'll stretch and make sure my limbs are loose before climbing on an elliptical machine for about 30 minutes. On the elliptical I'll use the "interval training" setting which maps out for you intense stretches of 30 seconds, followed by less strenuous 1 minute intervals. Afterwards you want to make sure you stretch to keep the muscles loose and to avoid cramping up. Between the two, I'm consistently able to burn over 600 calories which goes a long way towards making you feel better and healthier.

3. Don't Expect Too Much Too Quickly
    This final principle may be the toughest. Expectations are very hard to control in the age of "I want this right now." The reality is your body gained weight over time, and it will take time for your body to shed that weight and slim down. Therefore, and this realization has been extremely freeing for me, I'm not trying to lose a gazillion pounds in a month. Not only is this unrealistic, but it is waaaaay unhealthy for you. Expect this process to take time, and you won't be disappointed. Expect it to be over and done with quickly, and you will burn out faster than you thought. Controlling expectations can be harder than you think, but if you are able to tame them, you're putting into practice the idea of controlling your body, rather than letting your body control you. After all, one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control

Friday, August 23, 2013

Counseling Revelation #education

"Good theology helps filter out the theological and philosophical error that pervades much of our world today." Clinton & Ohlschlager 2001

Somehow, I think I missed it. I've spent over four years in school for Christian and professional counseling and I missed it. Don't I feel like a dunce. At the same time, I'm pretty stoked. Somehow I thought, even within an educational context at Lancaster Bible College, that I needed to weed out my Christian beliefs and principles when it came to counseling. As if I was an inferior practitioner if I allowed anything but the merest hint of my spiritual background into the counseling session. Well I was wrong and I'm glad to admit it. For the sake of balance, this also doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to always and only explicitly use scripture and prayer when in session with a client. I'll leave that up to the situation with the client and the leadings of the Holy Spirit. 

What it does mean though is a shift in focus. Before I thought I would focus on secular and psychological sources of wisdom and truth, and I'd use the Bible as a back-up (without ever really intentionally planning on using it very much). The quote above has helped with this shift in focus, because now I'm coming to recognize my priorities had been misplaced. I shouldn't focus on secular psychology and psychotherapy because then my vision of what is true would/has become skewered. Rather, I should focus on the real Truth Giver as the standard for what should be emulated as a clinician instead. I can't tell you how much freedom the realization gives to me internally. It somehow clicks together much more smoothly. 

This mind adjustment however does not mean I won't utilize psychology and other sources of truth. I firmly believe as an integrationist that all truth is God's truth, and thus there are other sources of benefit given to non-believers as well. Christians do not have a corner on the only source of truth and I think the sooner believers understand this, the quicker we will be to get off of our "high-horse." Anyway, my point is not to pot-shot Christians, but instead to emphasize the lesson I've recently learned and am looking forward to putting in my practice in clinical settings.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Really?! Gulp!

Sometimes I can't believe this is happening. Fatherhood. No, I'm not there yet. We haven't kept the delivery a secret. After all, it's not like you can have a baby delivery the same way you could elope. Anyway, I think it's about time I freak out. Whatever for you may ask? Freaking out is not to say I'm not excited by the prospect of being a father, because I am. Ecstatic is probably more appropriate, but ecstatic from an analytical/head sort of way. The meltdown is probably more appropriately from the fact that I'm almost a father hasn't quite yet sunk in yet.

Several weeks ago our youth pastor bounced up to me and told me first-time fathers go through several mood swings in their preparation for the big day. They are either overjoyed or paranoid (paraphrase). He looked at me and asked where I was in the swing. I looked at him and said, "I don't know if it's even really sunk in yet, so I'm not really sure where I am." He gave a puzzled look, shrugged and walked away. Apparently I significantly poked a hole in his theory, which is fine by me. I am concerned about the responsibility being a father is, but at this point it's only head knowledge. My heart hasn't yet been impacted.

I think this mystical phenomena began to sink in during one of our recent birth classes. That, combined with an encouraging tidbit from a friend where he highlighted how special it is to hold "your own flesh." The thought gives me shivers down the back. I'm pretty sure that is the point when my heart will meet my head. Will I be holding my handsome son, or my delicate sweet daughter? I'm looking forward to the head and heart circle being completed, but I don't know exactly what to expect. I'm hoping to do my best to keep my mind and expectations clear, though I have no doubt my mind will be blown by the scenario. Blown by the implications this bundle of joy holds. I'm a father!

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." -Psa. 139:13

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Health Update #lifeupdate

Galatians 5:22-23 states:

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

I know we've all heard about love. Believe me, this is probably one of the most talked about fruits of the Spirit, and you'll get no argument from me on its' importance in our lives. On the other hand, the list continues, and each of the fruits from the above list are just as important as any of the others. Take self-control for example. Wait! You mean I can't eat the cookie I really want but actually don't need? Yup, in some cases it is as simple as that.

Self-control was one of the fruits I enjoyed ignoring. It was enjoyable for a time but that enjoyment finally wore off. In the archived section of this blog you can read how I finally realized I needed to control my body rather than letting my body control me. I think if you are anything like me, then you will also need to come to a point where you decide something has to change. For some this is indicated by high-blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, or other health complications. It became even clearer for me as I have a propensity towards developing Stage 2 diabetes. If I don't control my body now then this could develop later on in my life. Personally, I'd rather reign in my desires now rather than later. Call me fiercely independent or something.

Anyway, this update is to let you know where I currently stand. Forty-four pounds lighter. Yep, you read the last sentence correctly. I did say 44 lbs. Looking at me you probably can't even tell the difference, and therein lies the indicator that something needed to change. I am being somewhat facetious as my wife consistently tells me I'm losing weight, and I am also now able to tell the difference. I feel great! Working out isn't as much of a struggle. My perspective on health, food, nutrition, and discipline has been revolutionized. I no longer dread working out. In fact, I slightly look forward to it. I posted on Facebook earlier this week my change in perspective. I no longer look at it as I HAVE to work out. Instead, I look at it as I GET to exercise and better take care of my body.

The progress I've been able to make has taken a lot of hard work and sacrifice. I can't lay claim to either the blood or tears part, but I can lay hold of the sweat portion of the phrase, "Blood, sweat, and tears" have been poured into this life-style change. My goal though has not yet been reached. My end goal is to lose 73 lbs. So far, so good. As things have progressed, portions of the journey have gotten easier and with God's grace and help, I'm going to keep on keeping on. I also don't want to give the impression that I could have done this on my own. Without the Lords' help, I couldn't have gotten this far. A huge shout out of gratitude goes out to my wife, whose encouragement and support through a change in how she cooks has enabled me to keep on going. Thanks also to B and P for "kicking me in the pants." I appreciate your companionship on this journey. You two are an inspiration.

Aha! You thought you could visit this blog and not be encouraged to something higher. For once, perhaps Ronsard will shut up without encouraging you. Maybe I will. After saying, don't make the same mistake I did of wilfully choosing to forget about self-control being a fruit of the Spirit. How often we all choose to "forget" something which will hinder what we enjoy.

 

Monday, July 29, 2013

Stewardship #lifelesson

Stewardship. What an ancient concept. The very phrase conjures up memories of J.R.R. Tolkien's the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. In which Denethor is the Steward of the ancient city of Gondor called Minas Tirith, and his privilege and responsibility is to care for the city until the Return of the King.  This example of stewardship is an accurate one. There may be glamour at times, but more likely than not you will be held responsible for failings and forgotten for praise. It all comes with the territory of being given something you don't own. At the same time, the honor of being distinguished in such a way can make it worthwhile. Still, I can't help but remember this example of stewardship, one which I believe accurately epitomizes the concept.

As I grew up I'd always heard the term 'stewardship' used in a monetary context. One must steward the resources God has blessed one with, so you can not only give back to God, but to those around you. This is a perfectly appropriate use of the term because I believe what we are given monetarily we are to hold in-trust. I'd also heard about using the 'talents' we have for God which is another way of referencing stewardship of the gifts we have been entrusted with. For some reason, I totally missed out on the accountability I have before God for the talents He has given me. I understood the part where we were supposed to use them in a manner where we thought was appropriate and brought God the most glory, but totally glossed over the fact that there would be consequences if I didn't. To use a personal example, I have been gifted with an ability to interact with people. Some call this people skills, others call it, well you're just jealous (grin). To seek a profession where I cloistered myself away from people would not be a proper use of my talents, and therefore I don't believe would be the best way of impacting people and honoring God. Believe me, you can try to pretend you don't have certain skills, or you can even hide them under a bushel. I myself wanted to justify the development of other skills which would make me feel better about considering a full-time position which I recently was offered, but I couldn't see that choice as a proper use of my ability. I wouldn't be using what I've been given as well as I could have. For that, I am going to be held accountable. As harsh as this may sound, for this you will be held accountable.

The "Stewardship lens" as I like to call it, can be pointed at every facet of our lives, and indeed I believe should be. This can include but is not limited to, money, time, entertainment, employment, travel...etc. When things are highlighted, what will you do with the uncomfortable thoughts of accountability and responsibility? The very fact you're still breathing is an indicator you can adjust your attitude and seek to adjust your mindset towards this area of stewardship within every facet of your life. For some, this will be a new realization. For others, a potential prick of the conscience which has become dulled to any moral reality. My hope is if there is a moral prick that you won't let it simply die away, but seek to change your attitude (or better yet pray for help in this adjustment).

For me, this realization has also led to an incredible sense of freedom! Yup, FREEDOM! Yes, you may bellow the war-call from the classic film Braveheart if it will help you imagine the impact of this for me (however historically inaccurate the film may be). Anyway, the opposite of stewardship is control. Grasping, miserly, desperately miserable control. The tighter you squeeze, the quicker you're going to lose whatever you're trying so desperately to hold onto. As I've been coming to find out in my own life, when I try to control how things go, they don't go very well. In fact, they generally don't go anywhere at all. Period. Enter in the realization that I am merely a steward (of my life, talents, money, etc.). Well then if I'm merely a steward, then that must mean there is Someone else who all these things belong to. Also, I'm not ultimately in control, but He is. Which means I can't wreck things beyond repair. Which means I can take my hands off of the steering wheel and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He (God if you haven't figured that out by now) will do a much better job of controlling what I can't do anything about anyway. All I can do is trust Him, and continue to do my best to steward those things He has chosen to entrust into my care; the very essence of stewardship.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Sabbath Reminder From Friday

Good Day Friends,

In a recent service at Harvest View Chapel we considered the epistle of 3 John.  This epistle, or letter, is one of the only books within Scripture which was written as a personal letter to an individual rather than to a group of people.  I would like to highlight verse four in this mini-epistle, which says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 1:4).  Am I walking in the truth?  Are you?

One must consider the simple fact that remembering the truth is an important first step if our desire is to walk in the truth.  Remembering is analogous to taking baby steps if our desire is to “walk in the truth.”  I used the illustration from C.S. Lewis’ The Silver Chair where The Lion entrusted the signs to Jill Pole while still in Aslan’s country;  specifically, the quote, “But first, remember, remember, remember the signs.  Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night.  And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs.”  With a few slight modifications, I’d like to insert the word “truth” for the word “signs.”  With this adjustment the passage would read:  "But first, remember, remember, remember the truth.  Say it to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night.  And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the truth."  To me this is a powerful illustration and a poignant reminder of how one could spend the Sabbath and not feel one bit guilty because remembering the truth is never a waste of time.  Here are a few truths we considered and I’d like to pass along for your edification.

1. God cares about my future.  (For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11)

2. Jesus' love is unconditional.  (As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.  John 15:9)

3. I can have unexplainable peace given by God Himself.  (Peace I leave with you;  my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  John 14:27)

4. God's forgiveness is complete.  (For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;  as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  Psalms 103:11-12)

5. We have utter freedom in Jesus.  (For freedom Christ has set us free;  stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1)

6. Fill in the blank with another truth you would like to remember:  ____________________________.

Truth is practical and the scriptures are intended to be lived out.  As we remember and consider the truth, we are allowing our minds to be renewed and changed into the image of Christ.  May each of you be strengthened and challenged to not only stop and consider truth on this Sabbath, but throughout the rest of your week.

Blessings,
Clyde

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Health Adventure

For some reason, whenever I think of blogging I think of long well thought out presentations of delight and uproarious laughter from witty thoughts which have been written (thanks siblings). This post will not be very long and more informative.

Discipline is not a way I would generally describe myself. In fact, some very simple things in life I can very readily forego. Unfortunately, or perhaps more fortunately my health is not one of them. Over the past three years or so I have been pretty steadily gaining weight. Perhaps subtle, but the increases have come nonetheless. Yes, part of this trend may be attributed to the phenomenal cooking of my wife, but the other portion is attributed to my pure laziness. I mean c'mon I've been an athlete all my life so I'll always be able to eat anything I ever want to, right? Wrong. Couldn't be more wrong. Well the turning point came a little over two weeks ago.

Having witnessed the extraordinary discipline of a couple of friends who between them have lost around one hundred pounds, I was encouraged to try a different method of weight control. If it takes 3500 calories worth of exercise to lose one pound, why not manage what initially goes into my mouth? The final catalyst propelling me forward was the realization that my weight had almost reached three hundred pounds. Okay, somethings got to change right away. I don't want to be that weight.

I'd been thinking about adopting the weight reduction method of my friends, but hadn't made the leap until that point. The Lord has really been helping me with this adventure and in a little over two weeks I've already seen progress. I now count the calories of virtually everything which goes into my body. I have a set amount of calories I can eat in a day. I've also intentionally been more diligent in exercising which is also paying off. The mantra of one day at a time is definitely appropriate because I can't store up calories from day to day. Use it or lose it, which has also helped me stay motivated because if I eat less than what is allotted then I'll lose more faster. 

I hope this is an encouragement to others. Discipline is something I'm definitely enjoying as I seek to develop more of it in my life. It's actually a good thing.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Needed Follow-Up to Previous Post

I apologize for the delay in this post. I meant to write this shortly after my last post. Phew! Two weeks just flew by before I was able to get to writing a follow-up.

I hope some of the dust has settled and would like to extend a warm invitation to dialogue. If I write something you don't agree with or perhaps may even be challenged by I encourage you to contact me with some of your thoughts. For those who have already taken advantage of the opportunity, I thank you.

I've definitely received some feedback from my last post, which is the impetus for the additional clarification. My previous post was in regards to "outreach" which I would like to further define as "reaching out to those who do not reside in Dublin, NH."

Each one of us (including myself) has a check-list of what is important when speaking with a non-believer.  Whether we realize it or not, this check-list may color what we say or how we act towards a non-believer. Anyway, I felt the need to clarify what I was intending to speak about.

Secondly, and I guess I must have done this a little too effectively, I created a straw-man to beat to a pulp. Though, I believe my previous post may have shed some light on an attitude which comes across sometimes, it is by no means reflective of everyone, all the time. My thanks to those who so strenuously requested I clarify this point.

I only seek to ask that we recognize what our own personal preferences are and weigh those against the eternal benefit of another human being. I am also guilty of sometimes developing my own comfort bubble which can seriously impact how I greet or interact with someone I may not naturally feel comfortable around. This is certainly an area in which I wish to grow. As followers of Jesus we are called to "get outside of our box" no matter how comfortable we may have become.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Sweating the Small Stuff

Hello Friends,

I apologize for not posting this past weekend. I had the honor and privilege of representing my company at a local curriculum fair, at the end of which, I was worn out. Anyway, I'm glad to be back and writing again this weekend.

  So, in setting the stage for this post I want to give forewarning. This may turn into a straight up rant, but my hope is I articulate some specific points in the midst of my emotional splatter (bear in mind this is my own opinion and may be more emotionally charged than other posts I present) which will serve to challenge and motivate you to recognize and evaluate what is important within the sphere of outreach. Additionally, I want to say I'm not against taking a stance on an issue, or holding to your own set of beliefs, both of which I believe to be necessary in our current world, but I sincerely believe as followers of Jesus we must establish a balance between things which really matter, and those which do not (or things we really should let go of). Let's begin.

I'm grieved, angered, upset, bothered, saddened, and bugged by an interaction I was recently made aware of where a fellow follower of Jesus chose to elevate the issue of what someone was wearing, over seeking to minister to the heart of the individual. Put bluntly, what you are wearing really doesn't matter! This is a trend I am becoming increasingly aware of within my own church organization and it grieves me deeply. A trend where we have firmly established what we feel is important, and we are willing to die on that standard, rather than ministering the love of Jesus out to a world which may not look the way we think they should, or a world which may make us feel uncomfortable because they look different than we do.

Unfortunately, I believe this attitude exhibited is one of pride. It says, I think I know what God has in mind for you and therefore you should listen to how I think you should change as you mature in your relationship with Jesus. Newsflash--it is not my job, nor your job to change people in their walk with Jesus. If I'm not mistaken, last time I checked that role belongs very firmly to the Holy Spirit, and He is quite capable of gently changing and reworking whatever He feels needs to shift.

I was personally convicted of my own attitude towards others in this regard when I recently listened to a sermon on Romans 15:7 which says:

 "Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God."

Let me break down some thoughts for you on what acceptance entails. Acceptance means releasing any agenda or set of expectations you might have for the individual. It is not up to you to change the individual, or make sure they are open to what God has in mind for them. If they are a follower of Jesus, they will be just fine. If they're not, then talking to them about what they're wearing, how many piercings they have, the tattoos on their arms, or any other outward appearance may damage their interest in learning more about God. Acceptance means you may get hurt by that person, and at the end of the day, you're secure enough in your own relationship with Jesus to recognize there are much deeper issues than their outward appearance. If you're not able to let that go, you're sweating the small stuff, and I hope this acts as a smack in the face to reconsider what you've established as important in your own spiritual judgment of others.

If we are intent on outreach, from the grounds of Dublin, NH, then this must change! Outreach means you welcome people in, regardless of how they look. We're not out to manufacture change in their lives. Back-off, let the Holy Spirit work, and don't sweat the small stuff.

(additional rants on other aspects we need to let go may follow)


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Listen Down

Oh how I should have listened better in class. My professor mentioned the name Brene Brown in a previous class, but I didn't pay any attention until he actually showed us a TED talk of hers in class. She has some amazing things to say!! Brene is a dynamic researcher who has spent a lot of time researching and looking at shame and vulnerability. Both of these topics in our society are highly unpopular and very emotionally charged, which is why these topics are so easily ignored or overlooked (I'm going to embed both of her talks below for your own benefit).She tackles them and has things to say which I can identify with and would like to expand upon with some of my own thoughts.

After listening to Brene, one can't help but consider the impact shame or vulnerability has had in your own life. When I was courting and learning to share my heart with another individual, I was acutely aware of the vulnerability this involves. I wanted a deeper connection, but the paradox of this situation is you have to put yourself out there before you can learn if it truly is safe with any individual. I would say this is the essence of what a dating/courting relationship consists of, which greatly impacts what it means to be compatible with another, and to decipher what your future relationship will look like. I have been affirmed, understood, and supported by my wife which is something I don't want to take for granted because not every one has what I have.

Shame was the recent discussion topic for one of my graduate counseling classes. In which, we were asked to debate the statement regarding the existence of positive shame and how it is used in society to create a better place. Talk about some charged atmosphere in that classroom!!! Still it was wonderful to understand, which is what Brene talks about, that shame is attached to the very core belief of the individual, whereas guilt is associated with an act that one knows to be wrong (think conscience here). One believes they are ___blank, which is where shame takes them.

Last night I watched Brene's talk about vulnerability, and I couldn't help but identify and expand on what she is saying (at least my synthesis on what she is saying). I'm going to speak using myself as the example, but I think my experience could be generalized out to others:

Sometimes I don't even realize when I'm being vulnerable, which can place a greater importance on the listening skills of the person I'm sharing with. It may be just something I feel I need to say and I don't realize the deeper implications revealed by my words. On the other hand, sometimes I realize when I'm choosing to take a risk and be vulnerable with someone else, but I'm waiting to see if they realize just how big of a risk I just took. I need to test the waters because I may think this person will react in a certain way and I need to confirm or disprove my hypothesis. When my hypothesis has been confirmed, then I'm learning what things I can feel safe sharing and what I can't with this individual. But when my hypothesis is disproved, which I think is more often than we would like to admit, then my own fears can be conquered and I've learned that sharing with this person is not as much of a risk as I would have originally thought. Whether we realize it or not, this is a large part of how deep friendships are built. We learn who is safe to take risks with and who we would not feel safe taking a risk with.

Now if we take a look at the role of the other individual in this scenario, what sort of impact can we recognize we are having? Quite honestly, if you realize listening is your greatest skill set, then you know you're having a huge impact. No, I mean really listening. Listening so you hear what the other means, not just what words they are speaking. Listening so you can better understand the depth of what this person is sharing, so you can affirm them and love them for being willing to take a risk with you. Listening so you realize the risk they are taking and you can recognize the privilege it is that you were the one chosen to take this risk with. Honestly, be wary of saying something too quickly, because you could be confirming the very thing this person wants confirmation of when they talk with you. Don't give them the opportunity to crawl back into their shell. Instead, draw them out with love and acceptance of what they are saying, and the deeper meaning behind what they are trying to say. This is why listening is such a powerful tool in our relationships. This is why in our society of loud activity we really need to learn how to listen down, rather than listen up. Turning up the music will not encourage vulnerability, but it will encourage isolation.

Be cognizant of those around you and the risks they may be taking with you which you had no clue about. Vulnerability may be present all around us, but were we really listening well enough to hear it?

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Complicated Language #dictionaryupdate

I am a blessed individual. I've been blessed to be brought into existence in the United States of America. As such, my native language is English, which is not as simple as it may sound. The English language, as I'm beginning to understand the more I read, is a very complicated language. Even as a native born speaker I know how and when to speak the language, but if I had to write down the rules and exceptions to those rules I'd never be able to come up with them all. There are simply too many to count (i before e except after c...anybody remember that one?), and way to many to even know about until you come across a situation when you'll need to know it.

On top of that, you then have to consider the base (meaning foundational) languages of ancient history, Greek, Latin, Romance languages, and take into account their impact on the development of words within the English language. Take for instance the word hemiparesis. I recently came across the word in one of my counseling textbooks. For the life of me I had no clue what it meant. After looking it up, which you may have already done, I discovered it means pathology (my paraphrase=or what one considers to be wrong with oneself). I'm convinced some textbooks writers use such big words merely because they either want to lose their reader, or they want to impress them with their grandiose use of the English language. Why couldn't the author just have said, "here's what's wrong with them"? No, he had to go and use some stinkin' huge word that I had to go and look up if I wanted to keep from getting lost. Anyway, I haven't done a thorough examination of the origins of this word, but I'm thinking it is probably not found within the English language, but in some other base language.

Still, the English language is fascinating to unpack, even if it is only one word at a time. I guess the author succeeded in another potential goal. Now I know what hemiparesis means, and so do you. You may now go use it to wow your friends.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Waves (sound waves) #audiothinking

I love music! Though, I can't claim to be a music junky (defined as always has the radio on and can't stand silence), I've listened to my fair share. I grew up in a musical family and all of my 4 siblings played an instrument and sang, as did my parents. I tried the musical thing growing up, or more politically put, my parents tried to get me to try the music thing, and unfortunately it never stuck. Looking back now, I wish it had stuck my effectively as I've often wished I could effectively play an instrument (I dabble here and there but without any true discipline). Anyway, I digress from my point. I grew up in a musical family and thus was exposed to fairly solid musical tones, sounds etc. from a young age. This solid foundation in the music my family played, and the music which was encouraged in our family has set some phenomenal groundwork for my current hobby, that of audio engineering.

Audio engineering, or mixing as I may refer to it, is a fine art. One in fact, which I have a long way to go in my desire to improve in, so this is not to say that I've arrived because I haven't. Largely the skill of the engineer is found in the strength of his ears. An audio tech has to have solid ears. If one can't distinguish the different frequencies emitted by different instruments, voices, etc, then quite honestly, another line of employment or hobby should be sought after. With that being said, training ones ears to improve in this area is possible. Some may differ with that opinion, but I believe some improvement may be made with ear training. Sometimes we have never even thought to listen for what exists, and once a willing learner has been exposed to what to listen for, then improvement in that area can be made. The point I wish to make is audio engineering is subject to the tech who is mixing, and or the style of the performers. For example, in my volunteer work for a local church, where I've been privileged with the opportunity to mix, the style the congregation is aiming for is one mainly focused on audience participation, rather than a "performance" feel. This directive then impacts how I mix as I'm not going to mix as loud as I may like for the sake of the audience (plus I don't personally like it as loud as it could possibly be anyway). Conversely,  I'll also be mixing for a young adults gathering where they have openly encouraged me to push the sound, so I'll be increasing volume with some additional creative flairs (such as effects, etc.).

When I mix my goal is to balance what the audience would like to hear, with what I personally like to hear. When it comes to my own personal taste, I prefer mixing in such a way that all the instruments and voices may be heard clearly (so when you are looking at the platform and listening, you may go back and forth with your eyes and be able to clearly hear each instrument and vocalist as they contribute). That may sound silly to state, but it is not always as easy as it sounds (pun intended). If you think of sound frequencies as layers on a cake, my intent would be to keep the vocalists on top of the rest of the sound, thus treating them like frosting on a cake. Within Christian circles the lyrics are often what differentiates contemporary worship from other styles of music, so we want the vocalists to be clearly heard and understood. Next, would be the rhythmic instruments such as an acoustic guitar, piano, keys, and electric guitar (though at times I treat the electric guitar as frosting as well because of the frills and solos they often play). Finally, the bottom layer consists of the drums and bass guitar which end up driving the music. All of these layers work together to make up the waves of sound which the audience and technician hear. The differentiation of those instruments will be the topic of another discussion (one where EQ'ing or distinguishing the different sounds of each instrument will be discussed further).

 Similar to waves breaking evenly upon the seashore, the end goal would be to hear sound as a wave that breaks upon your ears in a clear and distinguished manner. At least that's what I'm listening for when I mix.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Happy "Facebook" Birthday

With the advent of Facebook a whole new world of communication has emerged. Communication, which has drawn families and friends from longer distances together as they enjoy the content, pictures, and updates that are shared on the social behemoth. One of those tools is the notification when someone is having a birthday. One is able to post to their wall merely by going down the list and wishing them whatever you want to on their special day. At times, at least for me, it has become a contest to see how many birthday wishes are posted on my wall in a given year (in 2007 there were roughly 45, in 2008 approximately 55, 2009=83, 2010 was 95, 2011=about 80, 2012 down to roughly 61).Even though this has been in fun, I need to remind myself that my worth is not dependent on how many well wishes I get (or don't get) on my birthday. My worth is so much more than that (as is yours!).

 In years gone by, those wishes may have been expressed through cards, or notes, or even the verbal recognition of one's birthday. For you, which would have meant more? If I were to examine my own life, I would have to respond that the hand-written note or card was of so much more value than a drive-by post on my wall. Shoot, I've kept cards for years that I've been given from birthdays, graduations, or other special events (call me what you will, the re-reading of those expressions of love are special). I suppose I could also go back and read the well-wishes of those who have posted on my wall in years past, but for some reason it doesn't have the same clout. It would be one thing if friends were to post on my wall for my birthday, and then follow it up with additional posts throughout the year, but that rarely happens (after all, additional posts are where a relationship develops, whereas an occasional post is a blip on the radar). Please don't get me wrong, I enjoy it when people wish me a happy birthday, but for me this is a chance to put things into perspective.

If one were to dig a little bit deeper and examine the thrill one receives when they see how many "likes" or "birthday wishes" they have been given on their wall, one would find a consistent thought, namely, "I matter to someone else." Someone actually cared enough to write something on my wall, or wish me a happy birthday. The convenience with which Facebook allows us to do this is admirable, but can be hollow at times.

The fact remains that most people come to appreciate their birthday because that is the one day a year where others take stock of that person, and in one way or another, tell them how much they really matter. When I look at that thought I have to pause and say, "is this the message I really want to communicate only once a year?" The answer I come up with is no! If not, then let's take action, and intentionally express to others how much they matter to us (more than once a year). Life is built within relationships. You might be surprised the reaction you get when you tell them they really matter.

Communication

For the plethora of readers who enjoy this blog (sarcasm implied), I have a few updates to make. As you can see, there are some more interactive buttons now available at the bottom of the blog, and to the right near the top (subscribe to blog via email for one). Please feel free to use and pass along as you would like. In the past, I have been intentional about keeping my blog traffic to "the few, the proud" but have since decided to try to reach a broader audience.

To that end, you may be seeing themed posts, which you will be able to identify by a #labelhere in the name of the blog. The goal of this idea is to keep some continuity in themes, plus create interest from areas I have been blessed to have some knowledge or expertise. If you have additional suggestions on themes or areas you would like to see me post on, please let me know. There will also be non-themed posts, which will be indicated either by a #notheme or no hashtag within the post name. An example of such theme would be #devotionalinsights or #audiomixing, or if there is no theme, #notheme or left blank.

Additionally, the hope is there will be a greater level of consistency in the posting of blogs. I have not yet established what exactly that consistency will look like (whether 2x a week, or 1x every other week, etc.) so please check back as you are able. You may also feel free to keep me accountable within this goal as I want to be consistent in posting.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

God Really Does Hear

Put bluntly, we were in need. Serious financial need (still are, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel). After taking stock of our financial landscape this past Monday, my wife and I realized something has got to change, and fast! I felt so helpless. Here I am, the newly married husband, who is supposed to have it all figured out, right? "No need to worry about money sweetheart because I'll figure it out." I remember telling Jane before we got married that there would be financial struggles, but that was normal and going through them would strengthen us as a couple. Ha! Did you actually think I was practicing what I was preaching?! I don't even think I was really listening to what I was saying. Well now I have to listen to what I said, because it's true.

My work has been part-time now for over six months. Because of the nature of the business I work in, I knew it was cyclical in nature, which is in part why it seemed like such a great fit for attending school and working at the same time. I also knew that the business would pick up at some point, which would allow for an increase in hours, but I didn't know exactly when. Oh, I thought I knew. Last year, I was given full-time hours in the month of March so I was waiting with hopeful expectation. Nothing. Then my schedule for April was released, nothing. As much as I love Dave Ramsey, and have been able to put into practice his encouragement to set aside emergency savings, by early this past week, most of those funds were transferred out of their holding cell. Now what?

God showed up, that's what! With the reassessment we had made this past week, Jane and I began praying. Um, you thought you knew what praying hard was, but you've not seen our faith as a couple. Alright, so that's a little bit of an exaggeration as I was pretty discouraged and was just trying to keep on putting one foot in front of the other (school, work, life). Nevertheless, we did pray and cry out to God for His provision. I honestly didn't have a clue how God was going to answer, but I wanted my eyes to be fixed on Jesus in this time of need (reminded of Psa. 46, I think it is, where God promises to hear our cry). I was told today that as of April 22nd, my hours would be increasing to 25 per week (up from 20), and that in May, my hours would be increasing even further!!! Did that just happen!? Now some may attribute this to mere chance and this was going to happen anyway. My response is balderdash!!! Even if it may have happened eventually at some point, the fact that I was told out of the blue today is a demonstration of God's love and faithfulness to Jane and I; faithfulness in action. God didn't have to allow them to tell me today, but I think He knew what we needed. Conversely, God knew exactly what He was doing when He chose to make me wait until Tuesday to hear the news instead of hearing it on Monday. I firmly believe He wanted to get my attention, for which our faith has been increased, and He has been given more glory! My thought through the 24 hours of desperation was, what does God have in mind? Is He trying to get my attention? I'd say He has it. I'm grateful for His love expressed in this small way. For me, this is evidence that God really does hear.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Life Meaning

Recently, I heard a talk given by a respected minister where he encouraged us to approach the observance of the Sabbath in a different way. His purpose was aimed at encouraging his listeners to enjoy things on this special day that we may not normally do. Specifically, this was in reference to spiritual things in our lives instead of entertainment which only serves to distract the mind, rather than feed it. Personally, I've found silence to be a breeding ground for spiritual thoughts, which I don't normally have time for due to my busy schedule.

While enjoying the beautiful weather today, my wife and I spent some time at a local park. The warm sunshine, gentle breeze, and quiet atmosphere were perfect for some quality reflective thought! While I was sitting on a park bench by myself I was struck by a thought. "My life is so much more than grades" was my thought. I was grateful for the reminder because so often my eyes can get stuck on the downward trend of performance, which ultimately leads to inauthentic reality, rather than authentic life. Who I am, or my worth is not dependent upon my grades (or anything else for that matter). "What are some other things in my life that life is so much more than" was a following thought? To which I was able to add, finances, pregnancy, work, and vacation.

What is life all about then? I'm afraid I don't have that answer (and would be making lots of money if I really did). I suspect a better understanding of that question lie in what it is not (finances, grades, work, vacation, stresses, life, fill in the blank). As we recognize what it is not I think we can begin to better understand what it really is.

 My question for you today is to fill in the blank. "Life is more than _______?"

Friday, January 25, 2013

Graduate Paper from Human Sexuality Course Fall 2012

Hello Friends,

I thought I would share the paper I wrote late in the Fall of 2012. This was a requirement for the Human Sexuality course I took that Fall and as part of my Marriage & Family Counseling Masters. It was meant to be written in APA format (and I did my best to follow those guidelines).

*Please be aware the content is not appropriate for younger audiences. I do not go into extremely graphic detail, but the paper examined Pornography and whether or not Pastors have a greater propensity towards developing an addiction towards this insidious epidemic.*


PORNOGRAPHY’S IMPACT ON PASTORS: INCREASING AWARENESS

Pornography’s Impact on Pastors: Increasing Awareness
Clyde W. Sandford
Lancaster Bible College
CPS 577

PORNOGRAPHY’S IMPACT ON PASTORS: INCREASING AWARENESS
Abstract
This article examines the pitfalls of pastoral ministry. The many stressors within church ministry may leave clergy members searching for an escape from their responsibilities, with an increasing number turning towards pornography. Pornography does not just impact the neural circuitry of the brain. It also undermines the ministry of the pastor, including his relationship with God, his family, and his parishioners. Treatment for this increasing issue begins with accountability and a greater willingness to express vulnerability from those in pastoral authority. Increasing awareness will enable non-church leaders to take responsibility and support their pastors more effectively. 

Introduction
            Before the inception of the United States, pornography was seen as detrimental to society and prohibited. As early as 1712, the colony of Massachusetts sought to prevent pornographic material from being distributed (Melton & Ward, 1989). Limiting pornography was not successful, but as more information becomes available, the caustic effects of pornography may precipitate additional ways of exploring how those effects may be countered and who is affected. Pornography is very lucrative. In fact, it is a multi-billion dollar industry with revenue estimates reaching $57 billion worldwide. Approximately one-fifth of that is consumed within the United States (Struthers, 2009). Pornography targets men as its’ main consumer with pastors sharing the same purity struggles as any other man. Pastors may even be more vulnerable towards developing an addiction to pornography than the average man. According to Rediger (2003) “After many years of studying spiritual roles and providing pastoral counseling and training to the human beings who are trying to be effective pastors, nothing concerns me more for the future of faithful pastoring than the availability of cybersex.” The unique role of clergy increases their vulnerability towards pornography.
            One estimate pegs as much as twenty-five percent of clergy as guilty of sexual sin, of which, pornography may be a leading aggressor (Rediger, 2003). Until recently, most pastors would have been above suspicion for sexual misconduct. Unfortunately, no individual is beyond the grasp of pornography. Pornography use and sexual misconduct can be visible for those willing to pay attention to the presenting signs (Rediger, 2003). This paper addresses the vulnerabilities within pastoring as it relates to pornographic addictions as well as presenting hope for their treatment and recovery.
 Pornography
            Within our sex saturated culture the presence of pornography is almost everywhere we look. The consistent presence of pornography leads to a consumer mentality when it comes to viewing the female body. This mentality shifts how men view women. Whether we realize it or not, the neural circuitry of how we view others is changed through the repeated exposure to pornography, thus making pornography more dangerous than some may think (Struthers, 2009). Human sexuality, the object which pornography targets, is so much more than a mere physical act. It is a blending of two complete individuals (Hollinger, 2009). Pornography attempts to mimic the powerful expression of love and intimacy felt between two individuals, but through a two-dimensional image one can walk away from with no strings attached.
            The definition of pornography begins with an examination of the word. Porne, from which the word pornography is taken, is a Greek word meaning “female captives” or “prostitutes” (Struthers, 2009). Pornography has since evolved into an activity bereft of involvement with another human being. A more modern definition of pornography is supplied by the U.S. Supreme court, “1) the dominant theme appeals to prurient interest; 2) it is offensive in affronting contemporary community standards: and 3) it is utterly without redeeming social value” (Melton & Ward, 1989).
            As it relates to pornography, the definition of addiction is debatable. In fact, both those in the psychological and medical professions cannot come to a definite conclusion regarding whether internet pornography should be categorized as a compulsive behavior or as an addiction (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). If pornography use were to be categorized as an addiction then three criteria must be met. The first would be powerlessness when faced with the opportunity to view pornography. The second would be viewing pornography even though the individual knows his actions are detrimental to himself or those around him. The third criterion is an exorbitant amount of time spent thinking about pornography (Struthers, 2009). Addiction takes on additional meaning when neurotransmitters within the brain are recognized. According to Struthers (2009), “To be addicted to something is to release dopamine, which causes you to want it and to make the decision to pursue it.” In the past, an increase in a behavior over a period of two years was required before assigning the label of a sex addiction, but the internet appears to have narrowed the gap of time needed to assign that specification (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). For those who engage in pornography, there is deeper meaning.
            The use of pornography can be traced back to the man’s desire to manipulate and control with personal pleasure as the end goal (Balswick, 2008). Sadly, one of America’s greatest strengths is also a glaring weakness. The focus on individuality which is celebrated in the United States is also a causative factor in the development of an addiction to pornography. The needs of the individual are then elevated, even at the cost to the community (Struthers, 2009). Pornography strikes at the brain of the individual. Visual stimulation initiates a masturbatory response, which in turn leads to genital stimulation. This act produces sexual euphoria generated from the release of opiates within the brain, which is very pleasurable, finally triggering a desire to repeat the process (Struthers, 2009). Oxytocin is another chemical present during a sexual experience and is released when orgasm takes place, causing a bond between the man and the woman to develop. Release without the presence of a partner though may lead to the same attachment developed towards an image, rather than a human being (Struthers, 2009). Mirror neurons within the brain heighten the sexual response to pornography within men. When a man views pornography he is not merely watching an image, but projecting himself into the image as the one participating in the pornography. This neurological connection sends sexual signals to the brain, demanding a release for the buildup of tension (Struthers, 2009). Norepinephrine within the brain can be a great thing. This drug allows a freeze frame of memory which heightens sexual tension and pleasure when sexual memories are recalled. Pornography activates norepinephrine, embedding these images onto the male brain. The pictures are then recalled even when uninvited during times of sexual intimacy with one’s spouse. This can be a devastating effect of pornography because those images cannot be erased (Struthers, 2009). Pornography has exploded, due in part to the three A’s of accessibility, affordability, and anonymity (Struthers, 2009). With the advent of the internet, pastors especially can be susceptible to the draws of pornography due to the amount of time they spend alone, the ease with which it can be viewed on a computer, and the relatively low financial cost. Unfortunately, not all pastors spend their lone hours preparing sermons; some hours are spent in pornography and masturbation.
Pastors
            Clergy have self-reported with an astounding 40% of respondents admitting to a struggle with pornography (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). This is an alarming statistic but due to how the male brain is visually hardwired, some of this statistic may be expected (Struthers, 2009). Cybersex, or pornography may seduce pastors more easily because pastors believe they can keep this guilty pleasure secret from all but their Creator (Rediger, 2003). The role itself, according to Rediger (2003) provides plenty of opportunities for sexual mistakes. Pastors can be placed on a pedestal by their parishioners who view their pastor as perfect and as one who can do no wrong. The incredible respect they are afforded combined with influence and access into the lives of those in their congregation promotes inauthentic relationships thus isolating the pastor. A pastor is never able to shake the façade of perceived perfection wherever he goes. Whether in his own home, the community, or his parish, the expectation to perform is never very far away (Rediger, 2003). This inability to make mistakes sets the pastor up for failure because he is encouraged to live out a non-biblical paradigm of his role. Though perhaps not glorying in one’s failures, a pastor needs to have the freedom to make mistakes in public, without his salvation being called into question by shocked parishioners who may witness such an error. After all, the same sort of support and encouragement is what the pastor would hopefully extend to a member of his congregation if a similar snafu had been made.
            The taxing and demanding role of a pastor can leave them drained at the end of the day. The exorbitant amount of good they have done throughout the day can leave them feeling as if they deserve a special treat. For some, that treat is pornography and they may approach it with an air of entitlement. They may not even care what the consequences of their actions may be as they become so focused on meeting the present specific need (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). This approach also demonstrates a flawed view of how the pastor views his needs being met. Rather than seeking to find his needs met within his relationship with God, he is looking to himself to meet those needs, which is an inaccurate thought pattern. The absence of a strong relationship with God leaves the pastor searching for meaningful relationships elsewhere. According to
Balswick (2008) “A strong relationship has been found between the consumption of Internet pornography and loneliness.” The flawed approach the pastor exercises in meeting his own needs fuels a postmodern ethos of ethics. Instead of developing an ethic from convictions, society has undermined that approach and replaced it with an ethcon, or ethics from consequences. An ethic from convictions, or ethbel, which acts as a moral compass for what is right and wrong based upon ones belief system would be a more appropriate approach to ethics (Rediger, 2003). The ethcon approach to ethics has crept into the church. Some pastors view pornography as something which is permissible, provided they are not caught, and see it as an appropriate method for meeting their own needs.
            Pornography bankrupts the pastors’ spiritual sensitivity and his relationship with God. Rediger (2003) states, “In organized religion we are learning, through consequences, that sick sexuality generates sick spirituality—and vice a versa.” The spiritual bankruptcy pastors’ experience from viewing pornography will eventually impact their ministry. In fact, viewing pornography establishes an idol in the heart causing pastors to wander from seeking after God (Struthers, 2009). Pornography simply cannot coexist with healthy spirituality because it is diametrically opposed to the very thing God exemplifies. Within the context of healthy relationships, with God and others, both our sexuality and spirituality can grow. According to Balswick (2008), “Deeply embedded within each one of us is a divine longing for wholeness that sends us reaching beyond ourselves to God and others.” Unfortunately, many pastors have sought to fill that void with pornography rather than genuine authentic relationships.
Treatment
“Neurological troughs of depravity are rarely changed overnight, since they were not formed overnight” (Struthers, 2009). Recovery from a pornography addiction will be a long road, but one that is made possible through the blood of Jesus and others who are willing to work with the individual as long as he recognizes his need for help. Pornography has such a powerfully negative impact on the user that they can be left with the feeling that they are “beyond spiritual restoration.” This is especially true for pastors who tend to believe they have failed God and are beyond restoration (Struthers, 2009). The truth of the gospel cuts through this lie, shining a ray of hope for anyone trapped in pornography. The rewiring of the brain will take time and effort, but there is always hope. Within therapy, hope is an essential message the therapist must communicate with the client tempered with the reality of the uphill battle. Pastors especially will bear a weight of guilt beyond just using pornography. Processing the pain they have caused others and the grief of what they have lost is an appropriate goal within counseling. Within counseling, the therapist must understand the impact the pastoral role has upon his client. For pastors coming for counseling their role is “sui generis, for it is the only profession that wraps personal identity, professional identity, and religious [identity] all in the same package” (Rediger, 2003). The complex nature of a pastoral role presents a significant amount of work for the therapist as he begins to peel back the layers from this unique vocation. Additionally, when pastors come for counseling, their own individual struggles are what brought them. Sometimes their role can heighten the attention given them (Rediger, 2003). Knowledge of the occupation of the client would help the counselor guard themselves within the therapeutic relationship. The pastor within counseling should not be treated differently than any other client.
            As is true with any presenting issue, but especially for pornography use, the client must come to a point where they recognize there is a problem with their behavior. Without admitting an issue exists, true healing cannot take place (Struthers, 2009). Sadly enough, the normalization of the use of pornography clouds this issue causing many men to believe using it is normal. It is not until significant consequences arise, such as job loss or threats of divorce which allow the client to grasp the stark reality of their addiction. This is also when pastors appropriately fit the definition for an addiction to pornography. Another key component which allows healing to take place would be the addicts’ recognition of their need for God. This realization is further cemented when they realize without God any lasting change becomes suspect (Struthers, 2009). The development of a deeper spiritual relationship with God will fortify the pastor during the battle with this powerful addiction. Shame acts as an insurmountable barrier to healing anchoring the addict to the belief that because they are unable to resist the urge to act on pornography, they must be intricately flawed (Struthers, 2009). In reality they are not flawed, but due to the strength of the neural connections within their brains’ they fall prey to this false belief. A skillful counselor will need to undermine this barrier allowing truth and hope to set them free.
            A pastor, in his depravity and in an effort to blame-shift once he is caught in pornography, may communicate his dissatisfaction with his wife as the reason for why he became addicted to porn. In actuality, poor choices, the blurring of boundaries and an emphasis on the pastor’s own satisfaction are what played into his choice. As Laaser & Gregoire (2003) noted, “It is not troubled marriages that lead to Internet addiction, but Internet addiction that has negative effects on marriage.” The effects of pornography have devastating effects on marriages, not the least of which is the breach of trust between the pastor and his spouse which must be repaired if there is any hope of the marriage being saved. Marriage therapy would be an appropriate setting for the rebuilding of this trust relationship, even if the spouses eventually decide to part ways (Friberg, Hopkins, & Laaser, 1995). A radical shift in communication and a willingness to be vulnerable within the marriage is crucial for restoration to take place. In fact, when working with the spouse of a pastor who has become addicted to pornography, “counseling, which encourages true vulnerability and teaches addicts how to express their feelings, is essential” (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). The pastor has not been living a life of authenticity or vulnerability with his spouse, which is why a radical shift from his previous way of communicating is so essential. The spouse has to be able to believe her husband is being genuine otherwise he may slip back into his old habits and patterns, and she will again be left in the dark. He has been able to keep this from her. If he is drawn out emotionally, then his needs are met in such a way which no longer allows pornography to hold such sway.
            At some level the pastor will need to come to a point of forgiving himself, but according to Laaser & Gregoire (2003) not too quickly: “Forgiveness is an essential part of the healing process, but it must come only after a time of recognition, emotional catharsis, including anger, and healthy boundary setting.” If the pastor forgives himself too quickly, then he is not allowing himself enough time to process through all the dimensions of what his actions have done to himself, and to others. This is not necessary from a standpoint of guilt or self-flagellation for failure, but rather for a healthy recognition of the existence of consequences for his actions.
            The stranglehold pornography has upon the pastor is heightened by the secrecy and deception he has used to further his addiction. Therefore, confession is one of the greatest weapons which can be used against an addicts’ battle with pornography. This confession is not just between God and the man, but rather between the addict and another man. Revealing this struggle to another takes the teeth out of the isolation the addict has struggled with for so long. They are no longer fighting this battle alone. How this confession is made though has a huge impact on whether healing can take place or not. A desire for change is crucial, as are recognizing the wrong of pornography, owning it and choosing to move on within the confession process (Struthers, 2009). An element which could increase change would be recognizing triggers, or clues which indicate a specific behavior generally follows. Recognizing triggers is especially important within the recovery process. When one is able to recognize when a particular temptation comes, the individual can redirect, move, change, or readjust in an effort to prevent previous behavior from happening again. This recognition empowers the recovering addict, rather than feeling as if they are out of control in this area (Struthers, 2009). Control is an extremely important gift the counselor can give back to the addict because so often within their addiction they are out of control, and the client knows it. As the counselor works with the pastor, they empower them with ideas, techniques, and suggestions. This grants the client a greater measure of control within their recovery process.
            As noted earlier, pastors can experience isolation and loneliness while serving in a pastoral capacity which is why developing healthy relationships becomes so important within the recovery process. Pastors who have attended large Christian rallies for men confess several areas of need within their profession. The most significant highlight is a tendency towards “emotional isolation”. These pastors admitted they had no outlet and lacked the necessary tools to deal with their emotional needs. The second relevant finding was that these men were driven by their performance (Struthers, 2009). Research of this nature highlights the importance of vulnerability and accountability within pastoral circles. Emotional vulnerability within the context of healthy relationships will further their recovery because they will have an outlet for emotional stress. Our lives are lived within a context of relationships, some being healthy, and some not. For pastors caught in pornography, their experience has not been of healthy relationships with others. Encouraging them to develop meaningful, healthy relationships with other men is an important part of their recovery (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). Developing these relationships allows them to experience accountability and encourages them to be vulnerable within a safe context. Within their pastorate another effective tool in the recovery process would be an intentional focus on developing healthy relationships with others within the church. The development of healthy relationships with others helps ground the pastor in the reality of what authentic relationships look like, rather than developing an avenue for inauthentic relationships to flourish (Rediger, 2003).
            A version of the twelve-step recovery program has demonstrated effectiveness when treating pornography or cybersex (Rediger, 2003). The emphasis of group accountability, combined with a recognition of a higher power are elements which explain why this treatment has been so successful. For the pastor an additional building block would be his understanding of and dedication to spiritual disciplines. Healthy habits which encourage prayer, fasting, and meditation are important when facing an addiction to pornography (Rediger, 2003). Self-care is also an important part of treatment and is needed to strike a healthy balance between pastoral ministry and the rest of life. The stresses of ministry, which if not navigated with proper self-care, are the very things which may leave the pastor vulnerable to the vice of pornography.  
According to Rediger (2003) “Pastors who are keeping themselves healthy in body-mind-spirit are much less likely to commit boundary violations, and they are much more likely to experience the joys of pastoring.” Health consists of every aspect of the human body, not just physical health. As such, “holistic health will not become wholistic health until spiritual health, mental health, and physical health are seen as inextricably intertwined” (Rediger, 2003). Health must then take into account all facets of the body not just physical health. Exercise though, would be an appropriate intervention and important part of therapy because of the emphasis it places on proper self-care within the arena of physical health.
            Treatment of a pornography addiction will take time and entails an extended period of time abstaining from the addictive behavior. According to Laaser & Gregoire (2003) “Successful treatment would indicate that they have demonstrated at least one year of sobriety from the addictive behavior.” Demonstration of sobriety would also depend upon whether or not the pastor has yielded himself to authority within his treatment, and has allowed himself to become openly accountable to others (Laaser & Gregoire, 2003). Without the support of others, he may very well fall back into his old patterns. However, with their support he may continue to develop new neural circuitry which may help him fight his future urges.   Contrary to the message of instant gratification, which has become so prevalent in society, the forgotten concept of self-control is what we as believers are called to, which includes our sexuality. Regardless of urges which are perceived to be beyond our control, it is possible to steer this aspect of our humanity (Struthers, 2009).
Faith Perspective
            I am a believer in and follower of Jesus Christ as the Son of God. With that premise firmly established, the Word of God is an important tool and avenue through which Jesus allows each one of us to learn to know and please Him better as our Heavenly Bridegroom. The Word of God may not implicitly address every issue or question we may come across in our modern day, but I do believe principles are present which encourage us to understand the Heart of God better. When the Word of God does speak on something, it is not intended to be a friendly suggestion, but rather a command spoken from God Almighty. It is not from the standpoint of judgment and shame if the instruction is not followed, but meant as an expression of God’s infinite love for His creation. 
            Within scripture there is no explicit command condemning pornography, but the apostle Paul does seek to address this form of sexual immorality with the Corinthian church. Paul reminds the church that their bodies are not their own, rather they belong to God. He encourages them to flee from this form of sexual immorality and that they should not go looking for pornography. Finally he tells them they should repent if they fall (Struthers, 2009).
            As in everything, God is not interested in the bare minimum in our lives. Striking at the very heart of men as a gender, he challenges their thoughts to remain pure. Society has successfully established a fragmented approach towards what one thinks and ones actions, stressing there is a difference. According to Struthers:
            Purity is as much a matter of the mind as it is of the body, and it is important not to separate the two. The thoughts we think affect our body. The behaviors that we engage in affect our thinking. The interaction between thought and body is rooted in the neurobiology of the brain. Thoughts and behavior are woven together and intertwined with one another. This is how pornography and unhealthy sexuality pollutes the brain and the body together” (Struthers, 2009).
            As a believer in Jesus I am called to a higher standard of living than a nonbeliever. Additionally, as one called into ministry I am doubly accountable for both my thoughts and actions. Examining this topic has challenged me in several ways, the first of which is to strengthen my own personal self-care both spiritually and physically. It has also opened my eyes to the vulnerabilities I will be exposed to both in my role as a pastor and as a counselor. Lastly, I have been given a better understanding and sensitivity towards those caught in the trap of pornography. Without understanding this topic I would have been one of those who encouraged greater grit and told others to tough it out. Perhaps that may be an approach used at some point, but I have to say my eyes have been opened to the neurological impact pornography has on the brain. The illustration which sticks with me is the idea of a superhighway with sound barriers along each side. As pornography is used, those walls get higher and higher on each side of the neural pathways. There is hope for those caught in pornography but it is a much steeper road than I would have previously thought.
             As a follower of Jesus I believe habitual victory is possible. We may have the propensity to sin, but that doesn’t mean we have to simply roll over when temptation comes. Jesus didn’t die for me to sin some more, no rather He died for me to sin no more. Holiness is the end goal, which will never be fully attained this side of the grave, but it is something worth striving for. I appreciated the hope Struthers gives to those caught in this most unholy addiction, because the neural pathways of the brain can be rewired, with time and effort. Rather than giving into corruption, if neural connections of holiness are created and reinforced, then new superhighways can be created thus diverting traffic from the pornography circuit. Sanctification, means becoming more and more like Jesus, which allows neural holiness connections to become part of our very nature (Struthers, 2009)
            As one headed into pastoral ministry I’ve found this topic to be challenging, sobering, yet full of hope. I hadn’t realized the impact pornography has on the brain, though I had some inkling of the impact it has on other relationships. The research was sobering and is challenging me to safe-guard myself with accountability, spiritual disciplines, and a greater understanding of this topic. Lastly, I’m struck by the redemptive power God has provided for us in Jesus Christ. Pornography and its insidious effects are real, but so is the reality of the life-changing power there is in a relationship with Jesus Christ. As believers we are not left to wallow where our wanderings have left us, no, rather we are called higher, which is a reality full of hope! Struthers put it well when he said, “The process of sanctification is an addiction to holiness, a compulsive fixation on Christ and an impulsive pattern of compassion, virtue and love. This is what we were wired for. This is what we were meant for” (Struthers, 2009).
Conclusion
            The issue of pastoral pornography use and addiction is on the rise. With the increased availability of internet pornography, those within church leadership circles need to become more aware of the vulnerability pastors have for this particular vice. The church itself must shift the expectations it places upon pastors and replace it with a paradigm where mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, rather than an opportunity to “shoot [their] wounded” (Nelson, 2003). Pastors’ desire to perform often leads them down the road of pornography and inauthentic relationships. Those not in church leadership should become more aware of this tendency, and work towards countering it. A greater willingness towards accountability and the development of healthy relationships from those in the pulpit would go a long ways towards preventing pastoral sexual misconduct. Pastors rarely begin their ministry with the intention of crashing and burning from a pornography addiction. However, the slow steps which lead down that road can be foreseen and countered if both the pastor and those around him are willing to see the warning signs. Regardless of any previous leadership accountability paradigm, the vulnerability of a pastor to participate in sexual misconduct has increased the necessity for a greater emphasis on accountability and ethics from within the church (Gaede & Benyei, 2006). Ethics of this nature are not only represented by those within pastoral authority, but also by church members. We are all called to a higher level of accountability which means we are all responsible for the choices we make. Pastors are also responsible for the choices they make, but that does not mean we should leave them dangling in the wind.
  
References
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Friberg, N., Hopkins, N. M., & Laaser, M. R. (1995). Restoring the soul of a church : healing congregations wounded by clergy sexual misconduct / contributors, Nils Friberg ... [et al.] ; editors, Nancy Myer Hopkins, Mark Laaser: Collegeville, Minn. : Alban Institute, c1995.
Gaede, B. A., & Benyei, C. R. (2006). When a congregation is betrayed : responding to clergy misconduct / Beth Ann Gaede, editor ; authors, Candace R. Benyei ... [et al.]: [Herndon, Va.] : Alban Institute, c2006.
Hollinger, D. P. (2009). The meaning of sex : Christian ethics and the moral life / Dennis P. Hollinger: Grand Rapids, Mich. : Baker Academic, c2009.
Laaser, M. R., & Gregoire, L. J. (2003). Pastors and cybersex addiction. SEXUAL AND RELATIONSHIP THERAPY, 18, 395-404.
Melton, J. G., & Ward, G. L. (1989). The Churches speak on pornography : official statements from religious bodies and ecumenical organizations / J. Gordon Melton ; Gary L. Ward, contributing editor: Detroit, Mich. : Gale Research, c1989.
Nelson, L. (2003). Sexual addiction versus sexual anorexia and the church's impact. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 10(2-3), 179-191. doi: 10.1080/10720160390230682
Rediger, G. L. (2003). Beyond the scandals : a guide to healthy sexuality for clergy / G. Lloyd Rediger: Minneapolis : Fortress Press, c2003.
Struthers, W. M. (2009). Wired for intimacy : how pornography hijacks the male brain / by William M. Struthers: Downers Grove, Ill. : IVP Books, c2009.