Sometimes I can't believe this is happening. Fatherhood. No, I'm not there yet. We haven't kept the delivery a secret. After all, it's not like you can have a baby delivery the same way you could elope. Anyway, I think it's about time I freak out. Whatever for you may ask? Freaking out is not to say I'm not excited by the prospect of being a father, because I am. Ecstatic is probably more appropriate, but ecstatic from an analytical/head sort of way. The meltdown is probably more appropriately from the fact that I'm almost a father hasn't quite yet sunk in yet.
Several weeks ago our youth pastor bounced up to me and told me first-time fathers go through several mood swings in their preparation for the big day. They are either overjoyed or paranoid (paraphrase). He looked at me and asked where I was in the swing. I looked at him and said, "I don't know if it's even really sunk in yet, so I'm not really sure where I am." He gave a puzzled look, shrugged and walked away. Apparently I significantly poked a hole in his theory, which is fine by me. I am concerned about the responsibility being a father is, but at this point it's only head knowledge. My heart hasn't yet been impacted.
I think this mystical phenomena began to sink in during one of our recent birth classes. That, combined with an encouraging tidbit from a friend where he highlighted how special it is to hold "your own flesh." The thought gives me shivers down the back. I'm pretty sure that is the point when my heart will meet my head. Will I be holding my handsome son, or my delicate sweet daughter? I'm looking forward to the head and heart circle being completed, but I don't know exactly what to expect. I'm hoping to do my best to keep my mind and expectations clear, though I have no doubt my mind will be blown by the scenario. Blown by the implications this bundle of joy holds. I'm a father!
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." -Psa. 139:13
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