Eternal Creativity

Currently, I'm mesmerized by the concept of creativity. So much so, that this post and the last both have the word in their title. The fact remains, creativity is bursting around us! Sunrise anybody? How about that sunset? Fall foliage, people? People? The creativity is endless and I'm soaking it all in.

Naturally, one must have the ability to notice creativity erstwhile you may pass it along without nary a glance. I know I've been guilty of this crime many times. I get so busy or am so intent on rushing from one location to the next that I forget to notice a dew-laden spiders' web or the gentle brush of the wind on my cheek. I realize there are seasons in life but sometimes we wear the rut of that "season" too deep. Sometimes we realize what we are doing and sometimes we don't. May you wake up!

The reason I am so acutely aware of the creativity around me is due to the fact that I know the One who crafted creativity. If I couldn't see the intricacy of His imprint all around me, then I wouldn't experience the hope and purpose I share with all of you through my camera or blog. I've recently come to understand just how fantastic a platform social media is for sharing creativity in the world, and to the world! I love capturing, crafting, and then publicizing an image which speaks volumes towards the creativity of God, and the reminder to me of just how awesome it is to capture that creativity as his vice-regent here on earth. My hope is that you are encouraged, challenged, and perhaps even piqued to go yourself and seek out the creativity of God around you.

 But I'm not doing this for me. I'm not doing this to glorify myself. No, I want you to catch a glimpse, touch, and experience the creativity of God for yourself! The eternal creativity of God is what it's all about. Now go, see it for yourself, and then come back and tell me what you saw.

What inspires you?

#thepeoplescreatives #peoplescreatives #socality #eternity #god #love #liveauthentic #faith #hope

Instagram Creativity

Hi Friends,

My recent trip to England has left a profound impact on me. So much so that, I've intentionally not done a whole lot with Facebook recently. I still may post things to FB which may leave the impression that I'm on there, but I rarely log-in (so how is it that this post shows up on fb? Another site which automatically publishes my posts to the platforms you select it to). In the words of Westley, "Please understand that I hold you in the highest respect." I'm not intentionally ignoring anybody on Facebook, but I really haven't felt the need to spend much time on there. So if you think I've missed something important, please feel free to email, text, skype, or even comment on this post (I haven't given up on technology).

A pleasant benefit from the trip across the pond has been a new-found discovery of my own sense of creativity. I don't really think of myself as "creative" or "artsy" but overseas I felt as if God did some deep work in me, part of which was to either spark or re-awaken the creative. I now enjoy drawing. Alright, so technically one probably would only categorize my "drawings" as doodles but I must say that those doodles have evoked a sense of pride in my own creation. I've also taken up the camera again. No, it's not quite a sword, but it can get as heavy as a sword sometimes.

Another outworking from the creative is a new sense of wonder and beauty as seen through the photographs of those on the Instagram community. I never realized just how much of a community exists on this platform. One of my recent "community" discoveries has been that of Socality. The name is an acronym which stands for "Social Community All About Eternity." I love seeing, interacting with, and even posting my own contributions to this forum because it is with a purpose and intentionality. We are all about seeking and bringing glory to God! Seeing others' work has lit a fire in me to create and show-case my creativity. I've really enjoyed crafting meaningful captions to the pictures I post to Instagram (check them out here). You may have seen some of them as I'll occasionally post them to Facebook as well (hint: I predominantly post them to IG now with occasional postings to Facebook). If you're interested in following along, my handle is @Ronsard28.

I'm looking forward to the continuing process of creating beautiful content and I'm excited to share it with y'all. I'd love to hear from you, so if this idea of creativity has struck a cord in you then please share!

#socality #instagram #thepeoplescreative #peoplescreative

The Prayer of Jabez Debunked

Google's search engine, when using the phrase "the prayer of Jabez" returns 289,000 results in a brief .42 seconds. A lot has been discussed, debated, and argued over this small prayer from 1 Chronicles 10:4. No doubt some also question the credibility of the concept surrounding the book entitled by the same name written by Bruce Wilkinson. When reading the prayer from my own personal scripture reading recently I came across an insight worthy of debunking the use of the prayer.

"He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, 'Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!' And God granted him his request." 1 Chronicles 10:4 (NLT)

Most of the interest in the prayer stems from the concept of Jabez asking God to bless and expand his territory. At that point in history land was seen as a crucial identifier of a males' value to his family and society. Similarly this concept has been extrapolated out to mean the expansion of one's spiritual borders, physical borders, or even increased opportunities for ministry or financial prosperity. What I find most troubling though, is the connotation that one can treat God like a vending machine. If you put in a quarter, then out will pop the same amount of candy every time. There are principles God operates by but in the words of C.S. Lewis, "He's not a tame lion" and I daresay he is not prone to predictability in how He answers our prayers.

The insight I stumbled upon is built around the phrase "keep me from all trouble and pain" (some versions use the term "evil"). When I think back on prayers in my own life I can identify with the sentiment, so I can't blame Jabez for verbalizing his desire. Then again, I'm not sure Jabez knew what he was actually asking for. It sounds a lot like, "I don't want to experience anything which is difficult, painful, or which may be detrimental to me or my family." In other words, I don't want to experience suffering of any kind.

Suffering is not one of those subjects one takes lightly. It weighs heavily on both those going through it and for those who are helping the sufferers bear their pain (Galatians 6:2). I think of the Parker family during this difficult time and my role as one seeking to help bear their burdens from a distance through prayer. My heart breaks as I can only imagine the pain of what they are experiencing.

Turning back to what Jabez was really asking, in the midst of suffering is when Christians experience the palpable sweetness of the presence of Jesus in a way which cannot be compared to anything else. There is something about someone who is in the midst of suffering that acts as a magnet on God (something I can't explain, but I know we have all felt). As Psalm 34 reminds us:

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psa. 34:18 (NIV)  

I think back to the death of my friend and mentor Andrew Murray and remember it as a time of suffering. Suffering not only for me, but also to see his family grieve. Nevertheless, in the midst of the suffering, Jesus was there! I can't even explain the comfort and peace God gave as a result of that difficult experience. Suffering may not be a pleasant experience but it is one that brings us closer to God, and God closer to us.

So think again the next time you're tempted to pray the Prayer of Jabez. Would you really like to ask God to remove all suffering and difficult things from your life? As you look back at the times of suffering in your own life, consider the lessons you've been taught and the way God has still been at work. You need not pray for suffering because it will find you (fact). You needn't pray the Prayer of Jabez because through suffering you are brought closer to God.

#Jabez #suffering #prayer #BruceWilkinson #prayerofJabez

Marriage Tip #1

I'm so grateful to be married. I can't get over how blessed I am to walk through life with my best friend. Life is definitely better with the right someone (sidenote: if the right person hasn't come into your life yet, hang in there, and you can still benefit from reading further. I've been where you are, had lots of talks with God, and know what you're going through. I just wanted to say I'm not trying to be insensitive to your situation). With that being said, marriage is not easy. The "honey-moon" feel has long since worn off and there are days where it takes work, plain and simple. All the married couples reading this are nodding their heads in agreement, I guarantee it. If not, you've not been married very long and you'll get to the point where you'll agree with me eventually.

You'll hear it said that the most important component in a good marriage is communication. "Time out! Shouldn't God be the most important component of any marriage?!" I'm assuming we have already established God as the most integral part of any marriage. Similarly to how the Bible is consistently the New York Times bestselling book coming in at #1. Every. Single. Time. Because of that consistent fact, they've stopped reporting the Bible as the number one bestseller because it is a given. Back on track now: I don't know who said it, but they're right, you know, about the whole communication thing! The tricky part comes in when what you think you're saying isn't what your spouse is hearing (can I get an amen?). No matter how clearly you articulate your side of the argument your spouse still just doesn't seem to get it. If you're like me you may even begin to get wise to this fact ahead of time and try saying it a couple of different ways, just in case the first way didn't carry your point home. Still, sometimes even that tactic doesn't work. So now what? We're both frustrated, convinced we're right, and are hitting our communication glass-ceiling.

Then in comes the art of analogy! Using analogies to communicate was a strategy my wife and I recently discovered which really helped us through a communication tangle. We're still new to using it so I can't guarantee it will work every time or if it will work for every couple. Still, give it a try sometime, or tuck it into your marriage tips 'toolbag' for use at a later time.

 I found it extremely helpful right up front to ask who was who in the analogy so it could be unpacked with greater clarity. At first I was pretty skeptical using an analogy would be of much benefit. After identifying who my character was in the analogy, I was able to communicate deeper feelings and messages using the character from the analogy that resonated with both my spouse, and me. Think something along the lines of, "Oh yeah, that is what I meant to say, but I didn't even realize that is what I meant until now." Second, the analogy helps to create a shield around both parties. You know which character in the analogy is you, but because it's an analogy and therefore not real, you have enough separation to see yourself and the situation in an objective light. You can talk about the character in the analogy as if you're talking about a third-party which can be very enlightening for both parties. Finally, I would suggest bringing closure to using the analogy to communicate with your spouse by identifying yourself using "I" statements to connect with the analogy. In this way you're making a personal identification which has previously been unspoken, but using "I" statements to bring closure helps both parties to identify and take ownership of what is their responsibility.

As I said earlier, we're still new at using this type of communication with each other, but I'm looking forward to using it in the future to help open deeper opportunities to communicate with my spouse. Both to hear and to be heard. What are tips or suggestions you've found that have worked well for you and your spouse when it comes to improving your communication? Please join in!

Rained Blessings

Whoever said blog posts need to be long and tedious? I must admit this belief has played a large role in why I have not been more active in writing recently. "I don't have anything 'worth' sharing" or "writing can be so tedious and hardly anybody even reads my offerings anyway" have also been factors. The truth is, I have no idea who reads the content I publish, but I'm inclined to think more than I think. My motivation for writing should not be geared only towards those who read my content, but it does make a difference. If you're willing, would you please like the post, or comment within the blog when you see this published? Thanks for considering this request. Anyway, on to today's scenario.

My family has found ourselves gifted with a number of material blessings recently. It's almost comical when I stop to think about it. First, we were given a matching set of bar-stools. Not just any bar-stools mind you, but ones which perfectly match our kitchen and living room decor right down to the wood-grain. Second, a freezer was dropped into our laps (ouch!). Nothing mammoth mind you, but one which perfectly will meet our needs and fits very nicely in our basement. Third, we found ourselves the proud owners of a 1996 Honda Odyssey mini-van complete with stow-and-go back seats, power windows and locks, and a well-functioning air-conditioner. Did I mention this was a gift and we didn't pay a dime for the car initially? Fourth, and finally a new (to us) dining room set with four matching chairs with two-collapsible leaves. So now we are able to much more comfortably entertain friends and don't need to feel squished with food and four at the table. Phew! I'm floundering in blessings.

As I was toodling along on my way to work this past Tuesday, and reflecting on the above list of material-blessings I must admit my mind was not in a spiritual place. I was approaching the list from a carnal and materialistic mindset, although grateful for the items, when I was struck with a startling reality that shook me to the core! Almost all of those blessings which had been given to us were items my wife and I had prayed about over the last year or so!!! *blink* In fact, we were still praying for a couple of the items on the list. I was humbled by the significance of God's provision (and am so very grateful for others' generosity). It was a neat reminder to me of how I may forget about the things I've asked God for, but He doesn't forget, and he'll bring them along at the right time.

Now it's your turn to reflect. Take a few moments to think about the things you've been praying for and if and when God answered those prayers; you just might be surprised at what you discover.

Accessibility to Relationship(s)

Happy Sabbath Dear Friends,

                This past Sunday at Harvest View Chapel we examined Galatians 6:2 which says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” As we continued to unpack this verse we see there are two roles implied: the role of the “giver” and the role of the “receiver.” Paul, the author of Galatians, in his exhortation to the “giver” does not tell them how exactly they are to go about bearing the burdens of others, he just tells them it needs to be done. Similarly, Paul does not lay out a list of ways the “receiver” should let the “giver” help them bear their burdens, but the admonition is implied.

                In studying this passage, I was struck by the simple yet complex ways of giving and receiving help with our burdens. I believe at the top of the list of practical ways we can “bear one another’s burdens” both as the “giver” and the “receiver” is an intentional commitment to being accessible. I know, right?! Easy. Not as easy as you might think.

                I learned to love the Sabbath while growing up because of the picture of accessibility created by my family. Friday nights were a highlight for me because of the sweet fellowship, quality time, and adventures which were in store for my siblings and me. Welcoming the Sabbath with prayer, sweet singing, and an intentional attitude of gratefulness for God’s blessings were only the start! From there we might play games, hear a book read to us, learn something new from Daddy, or spend hours in discussions about a myriad of topics. Not only were my siblings accessible, but my parents were also there in tangible ways which has set the framework for our relationships today. I know my family is accessible because of the time spent with them and if I have a burden I know they will help bear it with fervor and unction.

I share this example of accessibility from my own life as an illustration the power of accessibility can have when our burdens increase. We each know of the burdens we are carrying. I daresay this email has conjured up a few in your own mind, and although my intent is not to weigh you down, perhaps this Sabbath is an opportunity to make yourself accessible as the “receiver” to those “givers” you know are waiting to readily help lighten your load. If we string this example out even further, what would you say your accessibility level is when it comes to your relationship with God? Perhaps this Sabbath is the perfect opportunity to reconnect and break down any walls you’ve let begin to develop; God is waiting on the other side. I know it’s one thing to talk about accessibility and another to show it. So, if you find yourself struggling to find someone who is willing to help bear your burdens, please reach out to me.

May you enjoy this Sabbath with full accessibility to the Throne of Grace and to others around you.  Make good use of the time.

In His Love,

Clyde  

I Will Follow

If you have been hiding under a rock for the last ten years then permit me to briefly catch you up to speed on how fast our world is communicating. Back in 2004 if one wanted to speak with another human being then one might pick up an ancient and trustworthy device called the telephone and give someone a call. In current day 2014 however, if one would like to talk with someone else then you most likely will text, Facebook. tweet, Skype, or perhaps even Instagram the person you would like to get in contact with (oh and you might call them as well if you really want to hear their voice). It is fascinating the leaps and bounds technology has permitted us to experience when closing the gap in communication. I'm not down on technology. In fact, I love gadgets and electronics. It appears the more technology and social media we have access to, the less and less we actually talk to one another, and the quality of our relationships seems to go down. Anyway, that can be another topic for another post.

Within Twitter and Instagram in particular, one has an account where you generate content (pictures or witty thoughts) for other users to interact with. If the content you are creating is of enough value to other users then those users can "follow" you so whenever you post something it will show up in their home feed for them to enjoy. Currently on Twitter I have 239 followers, on Instagram 112, and on this blog there are 5 followers that I am aware of. The effort it takes to click the "follow" button is minimal but the effort it takes to consistently monitor and keep up with others on social media can take a lot more effort.Consider now your relationship with Jesus Christ. In a similar sense it doesn't take much effort on our part to "click the follow button" to follow Jesus, but living our lives in a manner in which it is evident to others that we are following Jesus does take a lot more effort. If I were to string this out even further, then the effort it takes to interact with the content Jesus has already given us is probably the hardest. Content such as, "Love your enemies, and pray for those who despitefully use you." Um, WHAT?! That is content I really am not comfortable with so I think I'll check out. Or another example would be, "Go ahead, step outside of the boat and keep your eyes on me" (paraphrase). Personally staying inside the boat is much more comfortable, but thanks all the same. But if I never get out of the boat, what does that say about my faith?

Since the last time I posted an opportunity to "step outside of the boat and follow" Jesus has presented itself. It's radical enough to include leaving my family and traveling to another country (the UK for those who were wondering). I really don't know where this opportunity will lead but I'm confident this is Jesus telling me to get out of the boat. It's like that in our walk with Him. Jesus doesn't usually tell us what will happen when we get out of the boat, which is usually what paralyzes most, me included, from doing just that. But what if I sink? What if I can't make it to Jesus? Would God let me down? These and other questions hold us back from getting out of the boat. Then again I shouldn't have to have all the answers in order to follow Jesus anyway. If I can only follow when I know where Jesus is going, then I daresay I'm not really following; I'm trying to lead, and my faith doesn't work like that. 

In using this example from my own life I'm not trying to glorify myself. Rather my intent is to illustrate the effort it takes to follow Jesus, even if it means discomfort and uncertainty. Leaving my family behind is hard, paying for this trip is difficult, but if it means I'm following Jesus, then my simple heart response is whatever it takes, I will follow. In what ways are you choosing to follow Jesus?

  

Pause!

I find the following verse to be very applicable in my current life. I've been meditating yet again on this verse recently. This time I've been focusing on the ways in which I can "know" God is God. I think the verse also provides some insight. We can see he is God in the nations and in the earth. I take the "earth" to be synonymous with creation. What are some other ways you can know Him as God? Enjoy this post from the archives!

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psa. 46:10 (ESV)

'Be still and know that I am God', simple right? Uh, no! But the dishes...but the laundry...but my friends...but my cell phone...but facebook...but, but, but. Why? Why should I be still again?

I went for a walk today and found myself meditating on this verse. What happens when we are still? Well, nothing actually, and that's the point. At least in my own life I came to realize I need to be still simply because THEN God becomes real. It's almost as if He is up there waiting for me to finally realize all my crazed attempts to accomplish this or get that done are nothing. BUT when I stop/pause/halt/cease/desist/screech!!! God is like, 'Aaaah, now I can work. Now Ronsard can hear me."

You wanna know why I think God wants us to be still in order to realize why He is God? It's because in the bustle of life we take that mantle of 'god-like authority' and strut our stuff in the midst of the noise of this world. We think we can get by just fine without God and His help. And the sad reality of humanity remains that as time moves along we forget that we aren't really god. Yet, it is only when we are still that we realize we aren't god and never can be! Only then are we able to truly drown out the noise and cares that we carry every second of our lives. Though, when are eyes are on Jesus, we lose sight of all besides. THAT'S why God the Father wants us to be still. He's waiting and God is veeeeerrrryyy patient.

Counselors Are Humans Too

Working on my M.A. in Marriage & Family Counseling has been very rewarding. While in the field I learn lessons a textbook can never fully teach. One of the most beneficial lessons so far is blatantly obvious, yet somehow I and others miss it; counselors are humans too.

In counseling circles one of the most heinous counseling infractions within a session occurs when what is called "counter-transference" occurs. This means the client says something which triggers some pain from the counselors own life-experience, and is thus brought to the forefront of the counselors memory. At this juncture the counselor either has the choice to recognize the trigger and identify the feelings and experiences connected with this reaction and keep it to themselves, or they choose not to process their reaction internally and instead respond to the client out of their reaction. Ethically counselors do everything they possibly can to minimize counter-transference, yet sometimes it still takes place. Counselors are humans too.

No where in any of the textbooks I've read in my courses does the book say anything like "It's okay to make mistakes when in session with your clients." Nothing even along the lines of, "You're going to make mistakes while in session with your clients. The key is will you recognize the mistake" was ever mentioned. Instead every facet of the literature is geared towards thinking professionally, ethically, biblically, morally, and just about every other -ly possible out there. There is nothing wrong with thinking ethically and beyond, and in fact should be consistently on our radar when working with clients. In fact, we should go above and beyond for the client. This serves as both a protection for them and for us. With all that being said, I'm learning that even with the purest and noblest intentions at heart, counter-transference more than likely may still take place. They may say something which stabs you in the gut or takes you completely off-guard. What do you do then? A crucial component for growth is if you are able to recognize when things your clients say trigger you. If a client consistently says things which set you up for counter-transference, and you're not able to control your reactions, then a referral is a must!

Recognizing when counter-transference worthy triggers come along serves as a way of helping the counselor continue to grow personally and professionally. If you experience counter-transference as a counselor this does not mean you are a failure in your profession. Counter-transference should not be encouraged yet healthy expectations within the classroom setting must also be communicated. If not, other counselors-in-training can fall prey to the belief they will be perfect when working with their clients and the fall into reality may be all the more painful. After all, counselors are not robots and we are human too. 

What do you see are some other ways of assessing growth for the counselor?

Authority As Protection

Authority. The word conjures up a myriad of images in my mind some of which are positive and some of which are not. If I'm honest with myself, I've never really relished having someone over me in authority, until now. 

If you thought home-life was stressful and busy then you've never been introduced to the corporate world. I myself am still relatively new to this arena and it certainly takes some getting used to. In my specific situation, I learned the hard way that authority can work against me before I learned how it can work for me. Instead of seeing those in authority as my advocates I saw them as people who were trying to hold me back or lord their power over me. This in reality was more my own perception than anything they ever intended. Sometimes you may come across situations where those in authority do lord it over their underlings, but gratefully, this was not my situation. Through this tough process I learned the valuable lesson that authority acts as a protection for me. My boss wants me to succeed because he benefits and I benefit when I succeed so there was no hidden agenda to keep me down. With that being said I would also say a good boss is secure enough to empower the employee to act with latitude within the parameters under their authority. If not, things can come to a standstill where productivity is concerned.

 The corporate world has revolutionized my view of authority based on the previous concept. This helps serve as a reminder for me when I'm tempted to question other areas of authority in my life. Being under authority is a healthy thing and does not conjure up the same painful images as it has in the past. For that, I must thank the corporate world.

#authority #attitude 

New Balance in Coaching Basketball

It has been four years since I last prowled the side-line of a basketball court as a coach. I miss pacing the sidelines, especially in March when basketball is king. While focusing on other areas of life I do want to return to coaching at some point, and I'm confident the additional life-experience I've been getting will stand me in good stead for when I have the opportunity to return to the game of basketball. I enjoyed watching my brother assist Manchester Central to a Division I NH state title last Saturday and it is neat to watch his development as a coach and person around the game.

 When I began my first head coaching job at the ripe old-age of 21 I believed my main responsibility to my players was to point out all the areas of their game where they were not performing to the standard I had in mind for them. As other coaches can attest, some of this mentality is true of coaching, but that is only half the job. Looking back now I shudder to think of the negative impact I had on my players due to my lack of experience and maturity as a person and as a coach. When I get the opportunity to coach again I'm looking forward to implementing the "other-side" of coaching which to some may be glaringly obvious, but I only came to recognize this within the last several months.

I would posit that as important to communicating to your players what they did wrong is the ability and willingness to praise your players for what they did correctly. As a player who honestly enjoys hearing your coach only ever rag on you? I know I didn't. Praising your players is not putting them at risk of getting a big-head, no rather it serves as an accurate reflection of what should be taking place in life outside of basketball. I view playing and coaching the game of basketball as a reflection of how you live your life, with balance, poise, grit, and determination. In the real-world you discover some people will praise you and some will not. Some people will confront you from constructive criticism and some will not. Coaching is a unique privilege because you have the responsibility of fulfilling both roles of critic and cheerleader for your players.  

I know I've been challenged by this thought, and like I said before, I'm looking forward to implementing this when I have another opportunity to teach others about both the game of basketball and life. 

#MarchMadness #coaching #basketball #lifelessons #NCAA

What I Love About Being a Dad

Alright, enough of these intellectual and spiritual posts for a week. This week I want to share with you what I love about being a father (so far). Who knows, perhaps even one or two of these favorites may surprise you. They are in no particular order of significance:

1. Clear Eyes--I love looking into my daughters eyes and seeing nothing but innocence. I know, I know, she won't always remain this way but I'd never quite noticed how clean and pure a baby's eyes look. I would personally attribute that to a clear conscience but I'm not the expert. Anyway, I'm enjoying seeing those eyes look at me with clarity.

2. Rocking, rocking, rocking--Who would have ever thought I would have the magic touch when it comes to settling GJ? I don't think even I would have thought I would be this good with her. I'd better cross my fingers now because saying something like this may turn all of this on its' head. Until it does anyway, I love rocking my daughter to sleep. When she falls asleep in my arms I consider it a privilege she has given to me. She trusts me and I don't want to ever do anything to damage that trust.

3. Development--I love being a Dad because I get a front-row seat to how a little-human develops and begins to grow (outside of the womb that is). Reviewing pictures from when GJ was first born I'm astounded at her growth. She's jabbering now, and is oh so close to crawling. She can now focus on items in front of her face and will reach both arms in a scissor motion towards the item she would like to reach for (coming from barely being able to grasp onto things this is definitely development). She is extending her reach which is also a sign her eyesight is developing as she previously could only see 10-15 feet from her eyes, and is also a sign her field-of vision is looking beyond her previously small sphere.

4. Heavenly perspective--other parents' will understand this, and perhaps even those who are not parents will, to an extent. As a father, I now have a small inkling of what God thinks about me. I would never have been able to see through that lens if it weren't for GJ, and I'm appreciative of the change of perspective.

5. Diapers--Yes, here is the one you're probably surprised about. I'll say it so you can have the satisfaction of reading it in print, I love being a Dad because I get to change diapers. I hope your satisfaction meter has spiked. Diapers? Yes. Why? Because it is yet another opportunity to serve my daughter. I came to a realization a couple of years ago regarding diapers when I was baby-sitting my nephew. He was so helpless and cute when I changed his diaper, I couldn't help but love him as a result. My whole perspective on diaper-changing was re-calibrated when I viewed it through that perspective, and the same is now true of GJ. Is it always fun or enjoyable? No quite honestly it's not. But every-time I'm tempted to be grumpy, all I have to do is look at the precious life before me and the grumpiness all melts away.

So, now it's your turn. What do you love about being a Dad? Mom? Uncle? Aunt? Grandparent?

Reaction to a Visit to Recovering Grace Website

Sitting here I realize I'm doing the very thing I encourage others not to do, and that is react and write something from emotion. I've just spent some time skimming through the Recovering Grace website regarding some of the recent vitriol they are spewing regarding Bill Gothard (to read for yourself visit http://bit.ly/1gvelK3).

 Now, my point in reacting is not to defend or condone any action Bill Gothard may or may not have perpetrated. The fact of the matter is I can't speak to what did or did not happen. I have my own opinions regarding ATI/IBLP not all of which are a glowing report of the ministry, but I would have to say overall I've appreciated the ministry and benefit I've received in my own life from my experiences. Am I blind to the abject power structure which was in place? Absolutely not. I would say the hypocrisy I saw lived out in the lives of some ATI families was also a bit of a concern for me. Anyway I digress (if you are interested in continuing to hear more of my story, please let me know).

What is of greatest concern to me as I'm reading some of the material on #RecoveringGrace is the overwhelming bias which exudes from RG. Now, perhaps RG does not intend to provide any kind of balance to what they are reporting regarding Bill Gothard. If that is the case, then they are doing a pretty darn good job of smearing and making their point. Now, I realize they may have attempted to contact Mr. Gothard and he did not return any comment on their attempts, which I just have to say is his right! If he does not respond to your questions, then writing something based on a non-response is very shaky ground. In fact, one might call that an argument from silence. At times when there is no response that can itself be condemning but not necessarily every time. I'd have to say that just because Mr. Gothard chooses not to respond to accusations does not automatically validate those accusations. So if you visit RG be prepared to hear one-side of the story when there are always two sides to every story.

Another thing which concerns me is the claim I gathered from Recovering Grace regarding the intent of helping the healing journey of various categories of individuals who have "survived" ATI. Speaking from my professional capacity as a counseling clinician and student of counseling, I believe the continuation of the mud-slinging may be more detrimental to the healing process than is believed. Yes, each person should be able to tell their story. But where does telling the story stop and the healing begin? I agree the scab needs to be opened to the air so it can heal, but continuing to pick at it will not bring the needed healing. Instead, it will continue to stir up feelings of anger, bitterness and resentment. It may help establish a community of like-minded people who have "survived", but in the end if you don't let go of the hurt you're only doing more damage to yourself. Is the concept of forgiveness easy? Absolutely not! I make no claim to forgiveness or the process of forgiveness being easy. In fact, it may be forgiveness to release, rather than forgiveness to reconciliation. Healing is absolutely necessary but I would perhaps encourage it in a less public forum (retraumatizing individuals could be a very viable concern for some as they continue to read each story).

From visiting the Recovering Grace site only a few times here is what I see (as an ATI adult, as a counselor, as a person). I see a group of hurting people who are choosing to hold onto their hurt through banding together and casting blame. In reality, there are many different factors and choices which shaped your perception of God, your self-identity, and your faith. Perhaps blame should be cast but I would have to ask, "To what point?" To the saving of Mr. Gothards' soul? Is the end goal to publicly shame Mr. Gothard? Would that make everyone feel better? Like Jonah, I doubt most of the contributors to RG would like to see Bill in heaven. Personally, I think we are going to see him in heaven whether you like it or not (I know I hope to see him in heaven someday).
#BillGothard #ATI #IBLP

Confession Renewed #confession

"When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat."

Psa. 32:3-4 (NLT)

Confession seems to be a lost art in the evangelical world. Quite honestly I hear that word and it conjures up images of a Catholic confession box from the movies with a priest listening to my pious utterances and absolving me from something he has no business absolving me from, or any control over. I can't tell you the last time I heard a sermon on the art of confession probably because we don't enjoy telling others about the junk in our own lives. And yet, scripture identifies a potential reason for ill health in our lives if we refuse to confess our sin. 

The last time you experienced groan-evoking bodily pain did the thought "this pain may be a result of sin in my life" even cross your mind? I read the verse from above and am prompted to recognize there are consequences for not confessing sin. This truth may sound cold and hard but I think it needs to be said. I'm humbled to recognize I don't always think this clearly either. I'm quick to chalk the pain up to some other less vulnerable reason for my discomfort. Even as a representative of God I sometimes fail to recognize the promptings of God in my own life. Yet God isn't causing this "body wasted away" discomfort as the end-all. No, he lovingly wants to correct me and bring me back to Himself. 

Confession is necessary because it humbles us before God and other human beings. It is humbling, embarrassing, and vulnerable to let another human being know about my sin, but in that low place then I can find God. Or perhaps more accurately, God can join me.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 

Life Storms; An Analogy #StayclosetoJesus

There simply is no way of getting around it; Pennsylvania has been hammered by storms this winter. This is not to state that other places have not been getting hammered, because I'm sure they have, but it has been an unexpected amount for the winter season. From powdery snow to bone-clenching ice storms I've had a front row seat to the elements as they've howled around my little trailer.

Most readers know what takes place in an ice-storm, but for those who do not, let me enlighten you. Definitely the most deadly of the winter storms, "ice-storms" sweep in, encase everything in ice and then gradually bend or break your will. Quite literally if you do not have the strength to stand, in this case speaking from the standpoint of a tree during an ice-storm, you will topple.

The thing is, from the outside anyway, every tree looks like it can withstand an ice storm before it hits. When the weather truly gets rough the mettle of the tree is finally tested. A tree just down the road from my home looked solid before the storm, but in its' aftermath was left sprawling in a tangle of broken limbs and twisted branches. I never would have thought this particular tree was so brittle inside but the storm is what highlighted the issue.

The analogy may be applied to people and the "storms" of life we each face on a regular and consistent basis. Storms I daresay bring out your character, at least I know they bring out mine. But will the next storm be the one to break you, or make you stronger? Will the next one be your downfall, one in which a friend says, "I never knew they were so brittle." Unfortunately, storms aren't going away anytime soon. They are the tools God may use to test our mettle and see where we turn in times of need. The presence of a storm does not equal an automatic fold however. This is enormously comforting as my point is not to cause fear or intimidation, but it is to challenge you regarding where you turn to before the storms and in the storms. Are you sticking close to Jesus? If so, He will give you the strength to wade out the storm. If not, well you know what to do...or ask me. 

Balance #lifelesson

A life without balance is headed for the cliff of disaster.

Sounds as if one of the greats made that comment about a simple piece of equipment in a children's playground. I mean who would have ever thought such deep life lessons could be gleaned from such a simple contraption? None of the greats did make that statement as I made it up. I believe the sentiment to be true. Without ever increasing balance, my life would skitter out of control very quickly. 

The longer I live the more I come to recognize one of the advantages, and curses of my heritage. I'm proud to be a Sandford, but I never realized until recently just how hard we work. This is certainly not meant to discredit other hard working individuals, but the frenetic pace with which I live my life even spins my head sometimes. I've had a couple of my graduate school classmates marvel at the many "balls" I'm juggling (work, school, pastoral ministry, new father-hood, graduate intern, husband, other). What they don't realize is, I don't think I have a very good balance in my life. Oh, I may be juggling those balls successfully, but when it comes to quality rather than quantity even that may be a challenge for me to evaluate. This is something I recognize and am seeking to address. It's part of the life-process of evaluating priorities, and then sticking to them.

 At the same time, I enjoy keeping busy. Now I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with keeping busy. What I would state is the motivation for why you are keeping busy may reveal more tell-tale signs than one might like to admit. Again, this is an area where I will need to cut-back as too often my "busyness" is a product of my desire to perform for others (dangerous path to tread).

This teeter-totter serves as a reminder of the balance I need in my own life. I was in Jerusalem, Israel when I took this picture and even then the lesson of balance was very much on my mind. Balance is so tricky, yet it is of the utmost importance! Without it I can so easily overextend myself, and then I'm not much use to anyone. What are some ways you try to balance areas in your own life?

Everlasting Arms #Valentinesday

I'm enjoying fatherhood immensely. Then again, when I say immensely I'm referring to the lessons God continues to reveal to me about Himself through being a father to Gwyneth. 

This evening as we put Gwyneth to bed she really was not interested in settling down on our time-table. She fussed and cried enough after being in bed for a while to warrant some additional attention. Being the gallant hero I am, I figured I should be the one to help settle her down. So off to her room I traipsed, pulled out the rocking chair from the wall, and plopped myself down into its' depths with my fussy daughter. Because I didn't feel particularly keen on singing to her tonight, I decided to flip through some music located on the nearby iPod. Gwyneth's all-time favorite song is "Raven" by Jewell but I would enjoy seeing her begin to expand her music tastes. Not only is "Raven" a nonsensical song, but there are only so many times you can play a song on repeat before losing your mind (parents' amen here!). 

After flipping through a couple of different options such as the main theme to Braveheart, and Gabriel's Oboe played by Yo-Yo Ma, I finally landed on the last three songs from the Lord of the Rings Return of the King soundtrack. I love soundtracks, as evidenced by my modest collection of over thirty of them. Gwyneth quieted down but then decided she was not going to be ready to fall asleep for a while yet. I kept rocking away, hoping she would become drowsy soon. I knew I may not have had to stay rocking GJ for as long as I did but I wanted to listen to those three songs in their entirety, and I'm glad I did. 

As "Into the West" by Annie Lennox began, I was overcome with emotion as I rocked my precious daughter. I thought, "Here I am rocking my precious girl to sleep, and this is exactly what God does with me when my world appears to be turning upside down. Just as my arms are encircling her, warding off the night, monsters, or any harm from this little life, so God is doing the exact same thing with things in my own life. I may not always see his arms around me, yet nevertheless they never leave me alone." I could not stop the tears from welling up and washing away the false sense of security I tend to permit to creep around my soul. This is not the first time this realization has struck me. I may kick, scream, and struggle as the challenges of life are hurled at me but the arms of God never ever leave me alone. 

I'm not sure where you currently are in your life circumstances this day after Valentine's day. Perhaps you're desperately longing for the love and affection you've convinced yourself can only be found in a relationship with someone else. Perhaps you're in a relationship with someone, but you still feel lonely. Perhaps...(you fill in the blank). I've been where some of you are today. Believe me, I get it. What I forgot to see both then and now, are the faithful everlasting arms of a God who will never leave me alone. He will never leave you alone, in fact He is always with you! Take comfort in this reality regardless of your relationship status.

His arms never left me and His arms will never leave you.

(The) Good God

“Sabbath-keeping: check, Friday cleaning: check, Grocery shopping: check. Oh, hello. Welcome to this edition of the Friday e-mail. I’m reviewing my ‘to-do’ list and marking things off which I’ve completed this week. You know, I really enjoy ‘to-do’ lists because they act as a second-brain for me reminding me of tasks which I want to accomplish, but if I don’t write them down I might forget. Forgetting seems to be a malady of the human race and I’m certainly human.”

 “As I ponder it, the Sabbath is a reminder of sorts for me as well; a reminder of the goodness of God. I find I need this reminder, and need it often as my circumstances swirl around me. You see, for me anyway, if I’m not reminded of the goodness of God, then I can begin to question things as they come along. If I didn’t believe God was good and had my best interests at heart, then I’m more susceptible to the lies of the devil who desperately wants to shake my faith in my Good God. I’m not really interested in having that faith shaken, though testing it and strengthening it is something I believe God will do on occasion. Still, when those life events do come, and we all know they will, let’s find ourselves grounded on the truth that our God is Good.”

“The Sabbath is a great time to reflect on how good God really is. He knew I’d need a ‘recharge’ time every seven days. In our world of electronic devices I am becoming ever more cognizant of the need to recharge the batteries which run these devices. I think of airports and travel spots where it is not uncommon to see ‘charging stations’ available for every make of phone or gadget you could imagine. We were created in much the same way. We need time to recharge, reflect, take a break from work, and spend time with our Good God. He knew we’d fill up our days with profitable things so He built into our schedule an opportunity to meet with Him and recharge. If that is not the epitome of goodness, one looking out for the benefit of another, I’m not sure what is. In fact, I’d say it’s also an expression of His love for us. So not only is He good, but He loves us.” 

“May this Sabbath help bring to your mind the plethora of ways God has been showing you His goodness from this past week. Keep your eyes open for this reality, and never forget God is good!”

An Apology to Julian Fellows #Downton Abbey

I watched episode one from season four of Downton Abbey last night (I know! If I was truly a dedicated fan I would be all caught up by now; still better late than never), and I must say I'm pleasantly pleased with the direction the show appears to be headed. Of course, I suspect some twists and turns to come along this journey, but at the start of this season I must offer an apology to Julian Fellows (spoiler alert for those who have not seen the show up to this point, you may not want to continue reading). After the tragic passing of Matthew at the close of season three I seriously had my doubts regarding Fellows and his intelligence. "How on earth could you kill off such a sweet and essential character such as Matthew?!"

I was left with a sense of loathing and curiosity with the direction the next season would head, which as you can tell was enough to bring me back for another look. I think it a masterful move to not begin season four directly after the death of Matthew. Dropping your audience into such a scene of emotional wreckage would have been a tough introduction to any potential new viewers and would mainly have only connected with dedicated followers of the show. By extending the show to begin six months after the accident not only do you introduce an element of mystique regarding the past episodes (and encourage new viewers to go back before diving in any further), but Julian is also validating the closure his dedicated audience has arrived at since the end of last season. Kudos to him for his good sense.

The show still has the tantalizingly intriguing element of back-stabbing relationship dynamics within the characters at Downton to leave the audience taking sides and cheering on certain characters. Carson definitely comes across as a crotchety old-fogey but he has a heart of gold! I'm cheering Mary on and appreciate Branson more and more.

 

Marriage Minefield Lessons

The full credit for the idea behind this post goes to the musician Andrew Peterson. His song "Dancing in the Minefields" is what gave me the idea to write about some of my own lessons I've learned from marriage.

I've heard marriage referred to as hard. Before getting married I always thought, "Yeah right, it can't be that difficult. I mean I know I'll go through hard times, but it can't be that bad." Now I'm on the other side and looking back I can begin to grasp what was meant. Marriage isn't hard because of the arguments you have with your spouse, rather it is hard because of what you learn about yourself. Some individuals face the reality of who they really are and are unable to live with the consistent reminder of their own humanity. Others are able to admit their own inadequacies and are willing to change as an expression of love and sacrifice for their spouse. This process takes time but is worth it! I daresay I will be dancing in the minefield of marriage for the rest of my life.

Here are a few lessons I've learned so far:

1. I'm not as unselfish as I thought I was. This reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I honestly believed I was ready for marriage because I was able to put others' interests before my own (which is a good place to start). In order for change to begin I had to recognize the need for it. If you ask God to work He will, both in your circumstances and through your spouse to enact change.

2. It is alright to express what you do and don't like to your spouse. For some reason I thought it was only appropriate to tell my spouse the things I liked. "Well, what am I supposed to do with the other side of things?!" I believed I was meant to "stuff it" because that's what putting myself to death means, right? Perhaps, in part. Telling what you don't like to your spouse is the second-half of communication. Leaving your spouse with only half of the story will keep them guessing which will frustrate and inhibit the relationship (at least in my case it would).

I'm going to make mistakes, but I will see them as an opportunity for growth and not as a negative reflection.

Ostriches, Christians, & Culture #Christians #Culture

I grew up in a very sheltered world. I have no regrets for my upbringing because I was sheltered from a host of experiences which many others face at an age no child or young adult should be expected to. I'm very grateful for the parents God gave me.

Some Christians avoid things which may not be harmful but as we think non-believers enjoy it too much it must therefore be something to avoid. I will be the first to admit I've done this before. I despise jumping on a band-wagon merely for the sake of using my leg muscles. I look back at some of the things I've run from and gone, "Boy, I didn't need to run from that." Take Harry Potter as an example (gasp!). As a Christian I thought the books, and by extension the movies, to be evil, wrong, and something non-believers enjoyed too much. Therefore I'm going to stick my head in the sand and ignore them. I can't imagine the conversation starters I missed or the opportunities to share my faith based on the topics which were raised by the series. Or, even worse, the fun I could have had in discussing the series with non-believers and believers alike. As a Christian I have to understand not all culture is wrong, bad or evil. The very mention of culture will not corrupt my soul and I have to believe God loves beautiful and creative things. Whatever you think of the series you must admit it was creative. I can't wall myself away from culture and then expect God to use me to change the direction our culture is going (if that is what you believe).

As I've come to this realization regarding my view of culture I've realized the first look may be deceiving. As an example of current culture, take my perception of The Hunger Games series when it first came out. I was repulsed! Granted, I think you need to read the books before writing off the series, but if you were to tell me you reacted that way before reading them, I'd understand. Dig a little deeper and read the books. The movies will make more sense.

In general, Christians need to stop being ostriches who stick their heads in the sand at the first sight of something. Engage it with an eye for redemptive value and keep on going.

Pitfall(s) of Social Media

Hibernation apologies are bland, boring, and pointless as I can't promise I won't go into blogging hibernation again in the future. Still, most readers wouldn't want to know or care what I've been doing since I last posted in October anyway, so I won't waste your time and attention. But what I can promise is three posts which will be published over the next three weeks. So stay tuned.

Some may have noticed, or you may now notice since I've brought your attention to it, that I have not posted as many official posts to Facebook since the middle of November (a bit ironic since the majority of you will be notified to the publishing of this post by its' presence on Facebook). Yes, I've posted pictures and other shares thus making it appear as if I've been on Facebook when in reality I've been taking an extended break. I learned a very valuable lesson while fasting from FB: I am way too self-centered. Checking into FB became more about what my notification bar looked like rather than seeing what the worlds of others looked like from their status updates and pictures. My motivation for posting things to FB then became how I could grab attention, garner a reaction, or gain as many "likes" as I could. As this insatiable desire for more and more "attention" continued to grow I began to self-internalize my worth based on the responses I would or wouldn't get from my posts. "Well that one sucked because I only received ten likes rather than the twenty-five I've averaged over the last six posts." As silly as it may sound, stop for a moment and consider your motivation for posting to social media sites. If your motivation for posting rarely if ever was to engender a response and the thought never even crossed your mind, then I applaud you. But for those whom this thought strikes a little closer to home, you know where I'm coming from. The more I did it the more lonely I felt.

The rewiring of our brains to focus exclusively on ourselves is the pitfall of social media. Sure, it can be enjoyable, even relaxing. If so, keep it that way and never let yourself begin to believe the lie which whispers "your worth is dependent on the responses you get" because it simply isn't true.