The full credit for the idea behind this post goes to the musician Andrew Peterson. His song "Dancing in the Minefields" is what gave me the idea to write about some of my own lessons I've learned from marriage.
I've heard marriage referred to as hard. Before getting married I always thought, "Yeah right, it can't be that difficult. I mean I know I'll go through hard times, but it can't be that bad." Now I'm on the other side and looking back I can begin to grasp what was meant. Marriage isn't hard because of the arguments you have with your spouse, rather it is hard because of what you learn about yourself. Some individuals face the reality of who they really are and are unable to live with the consistent reminder of their own humanity. Others are able to admit their own inadequacies and are willing to change as an expression of love and sacrifice for their spouse. This process takes time but is worth it! I daresay I will be dancing in the minefield of marriage for the rest of my life.
Here are a few lessons I've learned so far:
1. I'm not as unselfish as I thought I was. This reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I honestly believed I was ready for marriage because I was able to put others' interests before my own (which is a good place to start). In order for change to begin I had to recognize the need for it. If you ask God to work He will, both in your circumstances and through your spouse to enact change.
2. It is alright to express what you do and don't like to your spouse. For some reason I thought it was only appropriate to tell my spouse the things I liked. "Well, what am I supposed to do with the other side of things?!" I believed I was meant to "stuff it" because that's what putting myself to death means, right? Perhaps, in part. Telling what you don't like to your spouse is the second-half of communication. Leaving your spouse with only half of the story will keep them guessing which will frustrate and inhibit the relationship (at least in my case it would).
I'm going to make mistakes, but I will see them as an opportunity for growth and not as a negative reflection.
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