Oh how I should have listened better in class. My professor mentioned the name Brene Brown in a previous class, but I didn't pay any attention until he actually showed us a TED talk of hers in class. She has some amazing things to say!! Brene is a dynamic researcher who has spent a lot of time researching and looking at shame and vulnerability. Both of these topics in our society are highly unpopular and very emotionally charged, which is why these topics are so easily ignored or overlooked (I'm going to embed both of her talks below for your own benefit).She tackles them and has things to say which I can identify with and would like to expand upon with some of my own thoughts.
After listening to Brene, one can't help but consider the impact shame or vulnerability has had in your own life. When I was courting and learning to share my heart with another individual, I was acutely aware of the vulnerability this involves. I wanted a deeper connection, but the paradox of this situation is you have to put yourself out there before you can learn if it truly is safe with any individual. I would say this is the essence of what a dating/courting relationship consists of, which greatly impacts what it means to be compatible with another, and to decipher what your future relationship will look like. I have been affirmed, understood, and supported by my wife which is something I don't want to take for granted because not every one has what I have.
Shame was the recent discussion topic for one of my graduate counseling classes. In which, we were asked to debate the statement regarding the existence of positive shame and how it is used in society to create a better place. Talk about some charged atmosphere in that classroom!!! Still it was wonderful to understand, which is what Brene talks about, that shame is attached to the very core belief of the individual, whereas guilt is associated with an act that one knows to be wrong (think conscience here). One believes they are ___blank, which is where shame takes them.
Last night I watched Brene's talk about vulnerability, and I couldn't help but identify and expand on what she is saying (at least my synthesis on what she is saying). I'm going to speak using myself as the example, but I think my experience could be generalized out to others:
Sometimes I don't even realize when I'm being vulnerable, which can place a greater importance on the listening skills of the person I'm sharing with. It may be just something I feel I need to say and I don't realize the deeper implications revealed by my words. On the other hand, sometimes I realize when I'm choosing to take a risk and be vulnerable with someone else, but I'm waiting to see if they realize just how big of a risk I just took. I need to test the waters because I may think this person will react in a certain way and I need to confirm or disprove my hypothesis. When my hypothesis has been confirmed, then I'm learning what things I can feel safe sharing and what I can't with this individual. But when my hypothesis is disproved, which I think is more often than we would like to admit, then my own fears can be conquered and I've learned that sharing with this person is not as much of a risk as I would have originally thought. Whether we realize it or not, this is a large part of how deep friendships are built. We learn who is safe to take risks with and who we would not feel safe taking a risk with.
Now if we take a look at the role of the other individual in this scenario, what sort of impact can we recognize we are having? Quite honestly, if you realize listening is your greatest skill set, then you know you're having a huge impact. No, I mean really listening. Listening so you hear what the other means, not just what words they are speaking. Listening so you can better understand the depth of what this person is sharing, so you can affirm them and love them for being willing to take a risk with you. Listening so you realize the risk they are taking and you can recognize the privilege it is that you were the one chosen to take this risk with. Honestly, be wary of saying something too quickly, because you could be confirming the very thing this person wants confirmation of when they talk with you. Don't give them the opportunity to crawl back into their shell. Instead, draw them out with love and acceptance of what they are saying, and the deeper meaning behind what they are trying to say. This is why listening is such a powerful tool in our relationships. This is why in our society of loud activity we really need to learn how to listen down, rather than listen up. Turning up the music will not encourage vulnerability, but it will encourage isolation.
Be cognizant of those around you and the risks they may be taking with you which you had no clue about. Vulnerability may be present all around us, but were we really listening well enough to hear it?
www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html
www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Complicated Language #dictionaryupdate
I am a blessed individual. I've been blessed to be brought into existence in the United States of America. As such, my native language is English, which is not as simple as it may sound. The English language, as I'm beginning to understand the more I read, is a very complicated language. Even as a native born speaker I know how and when to speak the language, but if I had to write down the rules and exceptions to those rules I'd never be able to come up with them all. There are simply too many to count (i before e except after c...anybody remember that one?), and way to many to even know about until you come across a situation when you'll need to know it.
On top of that, you then have to consider the base (meaning foundational) languages of ancient history, Greek, Latin, Romance languages, and take into account their impact on the development of words within the English language. Take for instance the word hemiparesis. I recently came across the word in one of my counseling textbooks. For the life of me I had no clue what it meant. After looking it up, which you may have already done, I discovered it means pathology (my paraphrase=or what one considers to be wrong with oneself). I'm convinced some textbooks writers use such big words merely because they either want to lose their reader, or they want to impress them with their grandiose use of the English language. Why couldn't the author just have said, "here's what's wrong with them"? No, he had to go and use some stinkin' huge word that I had to go and look up if I wanted to keep from getting lost. Anyway, I haven't done a thorough examination of the origins of this word, but I'm thinking it is probably not found within the English language, but in some other base language.
Still, the English language is fascinating to unpack, even if it is only one word at a time. I guess the author succeeded in another potential goal. Now I know what hemiparesis means, and so do you. You may now go use it to wow your friends.
On top of that, you then have to consider the base (meaning foundational) languages of ancient history, Greek, Latin, Romance languages, and take into account their impact on the development of words within the English language. Take for instance the word hemiparesis. I recently came across the word in one of my counseling textbooks. For the life of me I had no clue what it meant. After looking it up, which you may have already done, I discovered it means pathology (my paraphrase=or what one considers to be wrong with oneself). I'm convinced some textbooks writers use such big words merely because they either want to lose their reader, or they want to impress them with their grandiose use of the English language. Why couldn't the author just have said, "here's what's wrong with them"? No, he had to go and use some stinkin' huge word that I had to go and look up if I wanted to keep from getting lost. Anyway, I haven't done a thorough examination of the origins of this word, but I'm thinking it is probably not found within the English language, but in some other base language.
Still, the English language is fascinating to unpack, even if it is only one word at a time. I guess the author succeeded in another potential goal. Now I know what hemiparesis means, and so do you. You may now go use it to wow your friends.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Waves (sound waves) #audiothinking
I love music! Though, I can't claim to be a music junky (defined as always has the radio on and can't stand silence), I've listened to my fair share. I grew up in a musical family and all of my 4 siblings played an instrument and sang, as did my parents. I tried the musical thing growing up, or more politically put, my parents tried to get me to try the music thing, and unfortunately it never stuck. Looking back now, I wish it had stuck my effectively as I've often wished I could effectively play an instrument (I dabble here and there but without any true discipline). Anyway, I digress from my point. I grew up in a musical family and thus was exposed to fairly solid musical tones, sounds etc. from a young age. This solid foundation in the music my family played, and the music which was encouraged in our family has set some phenomenal groundwork for my current hobby, that of audio engineering.
Audio engineering, or mixing as I may refer to it, is a fine art. One in fact, which I have a long way to go in my desire to improve in, so this is not to say that I've arrived because I haven't. Largely the skill of the engineer is found in the strength of his ears. An audio tech has to have solid ears. If one can't distinguish the different frequencies emitted by different instruments, voices, etc, then quite honestly, another line of employment or hobby should be sought after. With that being said, training ones ears to improve in this area is possible. Some may differ with that opinion, but I believe some improvement may be made with ear training. Sometimes we have never even thought to listen for what exists, and once a willing learner has been exposed to what to listen for, then improvement in that area can be made. The point I wish to make is audio engineering is subject to the tech who is mixing, and or the style of the performers. For example, in my volunteer work for a local church, where I've been privileged with the opportunity to mix, the style the congregation is aiming for is one mainly focused on audience participation, rather than a "performance" feel. This directive then impacts how I mix as I'm not going to mix as loud as I may like for the sake of the audience (plus I don't personally like it as loud as it could possibly be anyway). Conversely, I'll also be mixing for a young adults gathering where they have openly encouraged me to push the sound, so I'll be increasing volume with some additional creative flairs (such as effects, etc.).
When I mix my goal is to balance what the audience would like to hear, with what I personally like to hear. When it comes to my own personal taste, I prefer mixing in such a way that all the instruments and voices may be heard clearly (so when you are looking at the platform and listening, you may go back and forth with your eyes and be able to clearly hear each instrument and vocalist as they contribute). That may sound silly to state, but it is not always as easy as it sounds (pun intended). If you think of sound frequencies as layers on a cake, my intent would be to keep the vocalists on top of the rest of the sound, thus treating them like frosting on a cake. Within Christian circles the lyrics are often what differentiates contemporary worship from other styles of music, so we want the vocalists to be clearly heard and understood. Next, would be the rhythmic instruments such as an acoustic guitar, piano, keys, and electric guitar (though at times I treat the electric guitar as frosting as well because of the frills and solos they often play). Finally, the bottom layer consists of the drums and bass guitar which end up driving the music. All of these layers work together to make up the waves of sound which the audience and technician hear. The differentiation of those instruments will be the topic of another discussion (one where EQ'ing or distinguishing the different sounds of each instrument will be discussed further).
Similar to waves breaking evenly upon the seashore, the end goal would be to hear sound as a wave that breaks upon your ears in a clear and distinguished manner. At least that's what I'm listening for when I mix.
Audio engineering, or mixing as I may refer to it, is a fine art. One in fact, which I have a long way to go in my desire to improve in, so this is not to say that I've arrived because I haven't. Largely the skill of the engineer is found in the strength of his ears. An audio tech has to have solid ears. If one can't distinguish the different frequencies emitted by different instruments, voices, etc, then quite honestly, another line of employment or hobby should be sought after. With that being said, training ones ears to improve in this area is possible. Some may differ with that opinion, but I believe some improvement may be made with ear training. Sometimes we have never even thought to listen for what exists, and once a willing learner has been exposed to what to listen for, then improvement in that area can be made. The point I wish to make is audio engineering is subject to the tech who is mixing, and or the style of the performers. For example, in my volunteer work for a local church, where I've been privileged with the opportunity to mix, the style the congregation is aiming for is one mainly focused on audience participation, rather than a "performance" feel. This directive then impacts how I mix as I'm not going to mix as loud as I may like for the sake of the audience (plus I don't personally like it as loud as it could possibly be anyway). Conversely, I'll also be mixing for a young adults gathering where they have openly encouraged me to push the sound, so I'll be increasing volume with some additional creative flairs (such as effects, etc.).
When I mix my goal is to balance what the audience would like to hear, with what I personally like to hear. When it comes to my own personal taste, I prefer mixing in such a way that all the instruments and voices may be heard clearly (so when you are looking at the platform and listening, you may go back and forth with your eyes and be able to clearly hear each instrument and vocalist as they contribute). That may sound silly to state, but it is not always as easy as it sounds (pun intended). If you think of sound frequencies as layers on a cake, my intent would be to keep the vocalists on top of the rest of the sound, thus treating them like frosting on a cake. Within Christian circles the lyrics are often what differentiates contemporary worship from other styles of music, so we want the vocalists to be clearly heard and understood. Next, would be the rhythmic instruments such as an acoustic guitar, piano, keys, and electric guitar (though at times I treat the electric guitar as frosting as well because of the frills and solos they often play). Finally, the bottom layer consists of the drums and bass guitar which end up driving the music. All of these layers work together to make up the waves of sound which the audience and technician hear. The differentiation of those instruments will be the topic of another discussion (one where EQ'ing or distinguishing the different sounds of each instrument will be discussed further).
Similar to waves breaking evenly upon the seashore, the end goal would be to hear sound as a wave that breaks upon your ears in a clear and distinguished manner. At least that's what I'm listening for when I mix.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Happy "Facebook" Birthday
With the advent of Facebook a whole new world of communication has emerged. Communication, which has drawn families and friends from longer distances together as they enjoy the content, pictures, and updates that are shared on the social behemoth. One of those tools is the notification when someone is having a birthday. One is able to post to their wall merely by going down the list and wishing them whatever you want to on their special day. At times, at least for me, it has become a contest to see how many birthday wishes are posted on my wall in a given year (in 2007 there were roughly 45, in 2008 approximately 55, 2009=83, 2010 was 95, 2011=about 80, 2012 down to roughly 61).Even though this has been in fun, I need to remind myself that my worth is not dependent on how many well wishes I get (or don't get) on my birthday. My worth is so much more than that (as is yours!).
In years gone by, those wishes may have been expressed through cards, or notes, or even the verbal recognition of one's birthday. For you, which would have meant more? If I were to examine my own life, I would have to respond that the hand-written note or card was of so much more value than a drive-by post on my wall. Shoot, I've kept cards for years that I've been given from birthdays, graduations, or other special events (call me what you will, the re-reading of those expressions of love are special). I suppose I could also go back and read the well-wishes of those who have posted on my wall in years past, but for some reason it doesn't have the same clout. It would be one thing if friends were to post on my wall for my birthday, and then follow it up with additional posts throughout the year, but that rarely happens (after all, additional posts are where a relationship develops, whereas an occasional post is a blip on the radar). Please don't get me wrong, I enjoy it when people wish me a happy birthday, but for me this is a chance to put things into perspective.
If one were to dig a little bit deeper and examine the thrill one receives when they see how many "likes" or "birthday wishes" they have been given on their wall, one would find a consistent thought, namely, "I matter to someone else." Someone actually cared enough to write something on my wall, or wish me a happy birthday. The convenience with which Facebook allows us to do this is admirable, but can be hollow at times.
The fact remains that most people come to appreciate their birthday because that is the one day a year where others take stock of that person, and in one way or another, tell them how much they really matter. When I look at that thought I have to pause and say, "is this the message I really want to communicate only once a year?" The answer I come up with is no! If not, then let's take action, and intentionally express to others how much they matter to us (more than once a year). Life is built within relationships. You might be surprised the reaction you get when you tell them they really matter.
In years gone by, those wishes may have been expressed through cards, or notes, or even the verbal recognition of one's birthday. For you, which would have meant more? If I were to examine my own life, I would have to respond that the hand-written note or card was of so much more value than a drive-by post on my wall. Shoot, I've kept cards for years that I've been given from birthdays, graduations, or other special events (call me what you will, the re-reading of those expressions of love are special). I suppose I could also go back and read the well-wishes of those who have posted on my wall in years past, but for some reason it doesn't have the same clout. It would be one thing if friends were to post on my wall for my birthday, and then follow it up with additional posts throughout the year, but that rarely happens (after all, additional posts are where a relationship develops, whereas an occasional post is a blip on the radar). Please don't get me wrong, I enjoy it when people wish me a happy birthday, but for me this is a chance to put things into perspective.
If one were to dig a little bit deeper and examine the thrill one receives when they see how many "likes" or "birthday wishes" they have been given on their wall, one would find a consistent thought, namely, "I matter to someone else." Someone actually cared enough to write something on my wall, or wish me a happy birthday. The convenience with which Facebook allows us to do this is admirable, but can be hollow at times.
The fact remains that most people come to appreciate their birthday because that is the one day a year where others take stock of that person, and in one way or another, tell them how much they really matter. When I look at that thought I have to pause and say, "is this the message I really want to communicate only once a year?" The answer I come up with is no! If not, then let's take action, and intentionally express to others how much they matter to us (more than once a year). Life is built within relationships. You might be surprised the reaction you get when you tell them they really matter.
Communication
For the plethora of readers who enjoy this blog (sarcasm implied), I have a few updates to make. As you can see, there are some more interactive buttons now available at the bottom of the blog, and to the right near the top (subscribe to blog via email for one). Please feel free to use and pass along as you would like. In the past, I have been intentional about keeping my blog traffic to "the few, the proud" but have since decided to try to reach a broader audience.
To that end, you may be seeing themed posts, which you will be able to identify by a #labelhere in the name of the blog. The goal of this idea is to keep some continuity in themes, plus create interest from areas I have been blessed to have some knowledge or expertise. If you have additional suggestions on themes or areas you would like to see me post on, please let me know. There will also be non-themed posts, which will be indicated either by a #notheme or no hashtag within the post name. An example of such theme would be #devotionalinsights or #audiomixing, or if there is no theme, #notheme or left blank.
Additionally, the hope is there will be a greater level of consistency in the posting of blogs. I have not yet established what exactly that consistency will look like (whether 2x a week, or 1x every other week, etc.) so please check back as you are able. You may also feel free to keep me accountable within this goal as I want to be consistent in posting.
To that end, you may be seeing themed posts, which you will be able to identify by a #labelhere in the name of the blog. The goal of this idea is to keep some continuity in themes, plus create interest from areas I have been blessed to have some knowledge or expertise. If you have additional suggestions on themes or areas you would like to see me post on, please let me know. There will also be non-themed posts, which will be indicated either by a #notheme or no hashtag within the post name. An example of such theme would be #devotionalinsights or #audiomixing, or if there is no theme, #notheme or left blank.
Additionally, the hope is there will be a greater level of consistency in the posting of blogs. I have not yet established what exactly that consistency will look like (whether 2x a week, or 1x every other week, etc.) so please check back as you are able. You may also feel free to keep me accountable within this goal as I want to be consistent in posting.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
God Really Does Hear
Put bluntly, we were in need. Serious financial need (still are, but at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel). After taking stock of our financial landscape this past Monday, my wife and I realized something has got to change, and fast! I felt so helpless. Here I am, the newly married husband, who is supposed to have it all figured out, right? "No need to worry about money sweetheart because I'll figure it out." I remember telling Jane before we got married that there would be financial struggles, but that was normal and going through them would strengthen us as a couple. Ha! Did you actually think I was practicing what I was preaching?! I don't even think I was really listening to what I was saying. Well now I have to listen to what I said, because it's true.
My work has been part-time now for over six months. Because of the nature of the business I work in, I knew it was cyclical in nature, which is in part why it seemed like such a great fit for attending school and working at the same time. I also knew that the business would pick up at some point, which would allow for an increase in hours, but I didn't know exactly when. Oh, I thought I knew. Last year, I was given full-time hours in the month of March so I was waiting with hopeful expectation. Nothing. Then my schedule for April was released, nothing. As much as I love Dave Ramsey, and have been able to put into practice his encouragement to set aside emergency savings, by early this past week, most of those funds were transferred out of their holding cell. Now what?
God showed up, that's what! With the reassessment we had made this past week, Jane and I began praying. Um, you thought you knew what praying hard was, but you've not seen our faith as a couple. Alright, so that's a little bit of an exaggeration as I was pretty discouraged and was just trying to keep on putting one foot in front of the other (school, work, life). Nevertheless, we did pray and cry out to God for His provision. I honestly didn't have a clue how God was going to answer, but I wanted my eyes to be fixed on Jesus in this time of need (reminded of Psa. 46, I think it is, where God promises to hear our cry). I was told today that as of April 22nd, my hours would be increasing to 25 per week (up from 20), and that in May, my hours would be increasing even further!!! Did that just happen!? Now some may attribute this to mere chance and this was going to happen anyway. My response is balderdash!!! Even if it may have happened eventually at some point, the fact that I was told out of the blue today is a demonstration of God's love and faithfulness to Jane and I; faithfulness in action. God didn't have to allow them to tell me today, but I think He knew what we needed. Conversely, God knew exactly what He was doing when He chose to make me wait until Tuesday to hear the news instead of hearing it on Monday. I firmly believe He wanted to get my attention, for which our faith has been increased, and He has been given more glory! My thought through the 24 hours of desperation was, what does God have in mind? Is He trying to get my attention? I'd say He has it. I'm grateful for His love expressed in this small way. For me, this is evidence that God really does hear.
My work has been part-time now for over six months. Because of the nature of the business I work in, I knew it was cyclical in nature, which is in part why it seemed like such a great fit for attending school and working at the same time. I also knew that the business would pick up at some point, which would allow for an increase in hours, but I didn't know exactly when. Oh, I thought I knew. Last year, I was given full-time hours in the month of March so I was waiting with hopeful expectation. Nothing. Then my schedule for April was released, nothing. As much as I love Dave Ramsey, and have been able to put into practice his encouragement to set aside emergency savings, by early this past week, most of those funds were transferred out of their holding cell. Now what?
God showed up, that's what! With the reassessment we had made this past week, Jane and I began praying. Um, you thought you knew what praying hard was, but you've not seen our faith as a couple. Alright, so that's a little bit of an exaggeration as I was pretty discouraged and was just trying to keep on putting one foot in front of the other (school, work, life). Nevertheless, we did pray and cry out to God for His provision. I honestly didn't have a clue how God was going to answer, but I wanted my eyes to be fixed on Jesus in this time of need (reminded of Psa. 46, I think it is, where God promises to hear our cry). I was told today that as of April 22nd, my hours would be increasing to 25 per week (up from 20), and that in May, my hours would be increasing even further!!! Did that just happen!? Now some may attribute this to mere chance and this was going to happen anyway. My response is balderdash!!! Even if it may have happened eventually at some point, the fact that I was told out of the blue today is a demonstration of God's love and faithfulness to Jane and I; faithfulness in action. God didn't have to allow them to tell me today, but I think He knew what we needed. Conversely, God knew exactly what He was doing when He chose to make me wait until Tuesday to hear the news instead of hearing it on Monday. I firmly believe He wanted to get my attention, for which our faith has been increased, and He has been given more glory! My thought through the 24 hours of desperation was, what does God have in mind? Is He trying to get my attention? I'd say He has it. I'm grateful for His love expressed in this small way. For me, this is evidence that God really does hear.
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