In counseling circles one of the most heinous counseling infractions within a session occurs when what is called "counter-transference" occurs. This means the client says something which triggers some pain from the counselors own life-experience, and is thus brought to the forefront of the counselors memory. At this juncture the counselor either has the choice to recognize the trigger and identify the feelings and experiences connected with this reaction and keep it to themselves, or they choose not to process their reaction internally and instead respond to the client out of their reaction. Ethically counselors do everything they possibly can to minimize counter-transference, yet sometimes it still takes place. Counselors are humans too.
No where in any of the textbooks I've read in my courses does the book say anything like "It's okay to make mistakes when in session with your clients." Nothing even along the lines of, "You're going to make mistakes while in session with your clients. The key is will you recognize the mistake" was ever mentioned. Instead every facet of the literature is geared towards thinking professionally, ethically, biblically, morally, and just about every other -ly possible out there. There is nothing wrong with thinking ethically and beyond, and in fact should be consistently on our radar when working with clients. In fact, we should go above and beyond for the client. This serves as both a protection for them and for us. With all that being said, I'm learning that even with the purest and noblest intentions at heart, counter-transference more than likely may still take place. They may say something which stabs you in the gut or takes you completely off-guard. What do you do then? A crucial component for growth is if you are able to recognize when things your clients say trigger you. If a client consistently says things which set you up for counter-transference, and you're not able to control your reactions, then a referral is a must!
Recognizing when counter-transference worthy triggers come along serves as a way of helping the counselor continue to grow personally and professionally. If you experience counter-transference as a counselor this does not mean you are a failure in your profession. Counter-transference should not be encouraged yet healthy expectations within the classroom setting must also be communicated. If not, other counselors-in-training can fall prey to the belief they will be perfect when working with their clients and the fall into reality may be all the more painful. After all, counselors are not robots and we are human too.
What do you see are some other ways of assessing growth for the counselor?
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