Counselors Are Humans Too

Working on my M.A. in Marriage & Family Counseling has been very rewarding. While in the field I learn lessons a textbook can never fully teach. One of the most beneficial lessons so far is blatantly obvious, yet somehow I and others miss it; counselors are humans too.

In counseling circles one of the most heinous counseling infractions within a session occurs when what is called "counter-transference" occurs. This means the client says something which triggers some pain from the counselors own life-experience, and is thus brought to the forefront of the counselors memory. At this juncture the counselor either has the choice to recognize the trigger and identify the feelings and experiences connected with this reaction and keep it to themselves, or they choose not to process their reaction internally and instead respond to the client out of their reaction. Ethically counselors do everything they possibly can to minimize counter-transference, yet sometimes it still takes place. Counselors are humans too.

No where in any of the textbooks I've read in my courses does the book say anything like "It's okay to make mistakes when in session with your clients." Nothing even along the lines of, "You're going to make mistakes while in session with your clients. The key is will you recognize the mistake" was ever mentioned. Instead every facet of the literature is geared towards thinking professionally, ethically, biblically, morally, and just about every other -ly possible out there. There is nothing wrong with thinking ethically and beyond, and in fact should be consistently on our radar when working with clients. In fact, we should go above and beyond for the client. This serves as both a protection for them and for us. With all that being said, I'm learning that even with the purest and noblest intentions at heart, counter-transference more than likely may still take place. They may say something which stabs you in the gut or takes you completely off-guard. What do you do then? A crucial component for growth is if you are able to recognize when things your clients say trigger you. If a client consistently says things which set you up for counter-transference, and you're not able to control your reactions, then a referral is a must!

Recognizing when counter-transference worthy triggers come along serves as a way of helping the counselor continue to grow personally and professionally. If you experience counter-transference as a counselor this does not mean you are a failure in your profession. Counter-transference should not be encouraged yet healthy expectations within the classroom setting must also be communicated. If not, other counselors-in-training can fall prey to the belief they will be perfect when working with their clients and the fall into reality may be all the more painful. After all, counselors are not robots and we are human too. 

What do you see are some other ways of assessing growth for the counselor?

Authority As Protection

Authority. The word conjures up a myriad of images in my mind some of which are positive and some of which are not. If I'm honest with myself, I've never really relished having someone over me in authority, until now. 

If you thought home-life was stressful and busy then you've never been introduced to the corporate world. I myself am still relatively new to this arena and it certainly takes some getting used to. In my specific situation, I learned the hard way that authority can work against me before I learned how it can work for me. Instead of seeing those in authority as my advocates I saw them as people who were trying to hold me back or lord their power over me. This in reality was more my own perception than anything they ever intended. Sometimes you may come across situations where those in authority do lord it over their underlings, but gratefully, this was not my situation. Through this tough process I learned the valuable lesson that authority acts as a protection for me. My boss wants me to succeed because he benefits and I benefit when I succeed so there was no hidden agenda to keep me down. With that being said I would also say a good boss is secure enough to empower the employee to act with latitude within the parameters under their authority. If not, things can come to a standstill where productivity is concerned.

 The corporate world has revolutionized my view of authority based on the previous concept. This helps serve as a reminder for me when I'm tempted to question other areas of authority in my life. Being under authority is a healthy thing and does not conjure up the same painful images as it has in the past. For that, I must thank the corporate world.

#authority #attitude 

New Balance in Coaching Basketball

It has been four years since I last prowled the side-line of a basketball court as a coach. I miss pacing the sidelines, especially in March when basketball is king. While focusing on other areas of life I do want to return to coaching at some point, and I'm confident the additional life-experience I've been getting will stand me in good stead for when I have the opportunity to return to the game of basketball. I enjoyed watching my brother assist Manchester Central to a Division I NH state title last Saturday and it is neat to watch his development as a coach and person around the game.

 When I began my first head coaching job at the ripe old-age of 21 I believed my main responsibility to my players was to point out all the areas of their game where they were not performing to the standard I had in mind for them. As other coaches can attest, some of this mentality is true of coaching, but that is only half the job. Looking back now I shudder to think of the negative impact I had on my players due to my lack of experience and maturity as a person and as a coach. When I get the opportunity to coach again I'm looking forward to implementing the "other-side" of coaching which to some may be glaringly obvious, but I only came to recognize this within the last several months.

I would posit that as important to communicating to your players what they did wrong is the ability and willingness to praise your players for what they did correctly. As a player who honestly enjoys hearing your coach only ever rag on you? I know I didn't. Praising your players is not putting them at risk of getting a big-head, no rather it serves as an accurate reflection of what should be taking place in life outside of basketball. I view playing and coaching the game of basketball as a reflection of how you live your life, with balance, poise, grit, and determination. In the real-world you discover some people will praise you and some will not. Some people will confront you from constructive criticism and some will not. Coaching is a unique privilege because you have the responsibility of fulfilling both roles of critic and cheerleader for your players.  

I know I've been challenged by this thought, and like I said before, I'm looking forward to implementing this when I have another opportunity to teach others about both the game of basketball and life. 

#MarchMadness #coaching #basketball #lifelessons #NCAA